Not My Day At All!!

I woke up at 3am, initially with massive pains in my joints. I thought nothing of it, went for a wee and then went back to bed. When I woke at 0730 I have never felt so poorly in all my life. My temperature was 39.2, I had a splitting migrane, was sweating out and had those horrendous joint pains still. Along with this, I just felt detatched from my body, my co ordination was shot, and I just didnt feel right at all. Im annoying stuck in bed as its to dangerous for me on the stairs, ive had to strip right doen, open my window and eat paracetamol just to try and sort out my temperature, which currently is remaining high. I havnt a clue whats causing it, I dont feel drastically bad with my lungs, but I cant think where else the infection could be...if its that, thats causing it. My other half has yet again been a gem, shes cancelled her volunteering for the day to look after me. Although this makes me feel bad, in a way im glad shes here, and thankfully shes rearranged things for thursday. Im a little bit ticked off though, as about an hour ago I decided I actually wanted to eat something do the other half went and made me some toast. When she got downstairs, yet again her mum started having ago at her because she hadnt done the dishes whilst they were out shopping. My girlfriend tried telling her mum that shes been looking after me and making sure im ok. According to her mum though, she doesnt have to stay upstairs with me just because im poorly, and also that she needs to start pulling her weight more. I feel so sorry for her, she wanted to stay with me coz one I feel like shit and can hardly move, and two, why should I be left up here on my own just because my body doesnt want to work. Its completly unfair, and this shit for not pulling her weight, my other half cooks all three meals a day for both of us, she does the washing, she washes the dishes, she does shopping. Sge tidies up and she helps out with all our pets, I dont see what more she can do, especially as shes a full time carer for me also. Its a lot for her to take on. Her mum seems to be having ago at everyone, but she doesnt see it, and she thinks that shes doing nothing wrong, yet most days and evenings now shes left in the living room on her own as the rest of us cant stand being in her company, I mean, doesnt that show you in itself that theres clearly something not right with the attitude and atmospher!? Clearly not!! Well, im feeling crap again and starting to nod off, I hope this nastiness starts to fade pretty darn soon!! TTFN XXXX

The Return

Finally 10 days later and I have come home from hospital.

Before I left, I had my tummy holes re steri stripped back up as there are still massive holes compared to wat they should be.

I also got told that they think the operation may not have worked. The reason theu think this is because I still cant keep food and drinking down properly. I am a little dissapointed with this but I guess what can I do!?

Before I left I also told the asthma team that I really not coping mentally, with the reason tragedy of Dawn who was such a fantastic friend to me along with all my itu admissions, poor hospital treatment and all the new diagosis its just all getting on top of me and I just want to end everything. So if figured maybe its about time I got things sorted.

Today I had my gp ring me with the results of my xray that I had before my operation and suprise suprise I have yet another bomb shell. I have a deteriorated femoral head which basically in simple terms, I have avascular necrosis. Which has added to my depression and hit me hard

I havnt told mum how Im feeling as we dont seem to be as close anymore. She seems so much more interested in her new boyfriend than me so I guess its another thing im going to have to keep on my shoulders!!

Well thats enough sadness for one hour.

TTFN

XXXX

Driving Me Mental

I really don't know what to do with myself, whether to move out, whether to live with mum, whether I should mention to mum that I'm fed up with her lies and much much more. Basically as you know mum and my old step dad had split up and we moved out in February. Within a few weeks mum had started getting in contact with one of her old friends Paul. Yes that is great, mum is getting out again. Until I find out that mum is starting to flirt with Paul and vice versa. Paul may I add is engaged!! I don't mind the fact that mum is flirting with someone if it makes her happy. What I don't like though is that she may be breaking up a what was perfectly happy relationship which I know she hated when someone done that to her and my dad. I also hate the fact that my mum has given me two dates, this Saturday and a Monday that I have to be out of the house and I need to find somewhere to go. I hate the fact that I am being kicked out of my own home, its totally unfair and I'm not well enough to be just floating about the streets!! The last thing I hate (for now) is that my mum has lied to both me and my nan saying that she's having this "friend" (Paul) coming round as they have some business they need to discuss when I know for a fact that it isn't for this and its actually so that they can get up to know good. How do I know this you ask!? Because mum let her emails open and I next went on the laptop and also because my mum has left some disgusting photos on the computer that she failed to delete properly. So I wouldn't mind if mum wants people to come around but I would actually like to be told the truth. I think she forgets that I am an adult now and don't like being lied to! I am however going down to see the other half on the weekend as I don't want to be anywhere near the house to be treated like crap like I am. The best thing is the other half doesn't know that I am coming so it will be a huge suprise for her and she will love it (I hope) So my life right now is a little topsy turvy and I really haven't a clue of what to do for the best as I cant live like this. I move out the first time this started happening when I was 17 as I couldn't cope, sadly the difference between me then and me now is that now I am super poorly and have to admit I am scared to be living on my own!! So thats my little life for now, sorry its a little depressing!! TTFN XXXX