Perfection

Its weird coming back home. Back to reality.

After taking my lady and my pooch away it has reminded me just how lucky i am. How perfect my partner is. How my life would be so different without her in it.

On wednesday we ran around packing and loading the car and made the journey to paignton. Thankfully we picked the right time to go camping. Right on the heatwave.

After we had finally set up our new home for the next two night we went and explored the site. Admittedly we would recommend it to anyone. It was perfect. A well kept site with amusement barn, shop, cafe, bar and a lifegaurded pool. It was just pure bliss. After exploring the site we then made our way into paignton harbour. we found a lovely dog friendly beach and took Dixie for a paddle...well we tried. Shes not really a huge fan of noisey sea so she kept running away when it got to close to her.

We chuckled when we got back to the site as there was another green vango tent pretty similar to ours next to us...and it turns out they drove the same car as us...and they were gay too...we actually couldnt believe how weird it was.

The next day we had set out to go for a stroll in some woods. it was beautiful. Nicely shaded in areas also which helped us all out. I had promised my lady an ice cream the day before also so on our way back i kept my promise and got her what ever one she liked.

When we got back, admittedly i was exhausted. It was my first time out and about since my recent admission so i was beyond tired and in agony. So keeping to tradition -i fell asleep for a few hours in the afternoon.

Whilst driving to our holiday on wednesday, i had found out that a my lady had never been to brixham and b she had never been crabbing, so i decided that friday as it was our last day i would take her there and help build some great memories.

We had yet more amazing weather and my other half managed to catch two crabs...then drop them so never really got to see what they were like up close haha.

With being by the harbour we had to have fish and chips of course and they were absolutly amazing...couldnt of asked for anything more perfect to eat and of course i had to show my other half the best ice cream shop in brixham...and buy us each one tehe.

Sadly though the fun could last forever and we had to come home...though we stopped via totnes to visit a farm shop that our friend told us about and we purchased so lovely sour dough bread and traditional dandelion and burdock and also a cloudy lemonade.

The farm shop was called riverford farm shop and thet camp site was called whitehill country park for anyone who is interested.

We have all had an amazing time and it was great to get away, be ourselves and actually rest and help recover.

To keep the highs going we had to do something amazig today so...we purchased more baby items and also booked our honeymoon...were off for a 3 day break in a spa...excited!!

TTFN

XXXX

Becoming Aware

Today I received my indepth letter from the Birmingham psychologist after my appointment with her on the 5th of February. To an outside person or sombody medical like my local consultant or my potential new local psychologist this is one fantastic letter, but for me, it just hits home for how "poorly" my mind actually is. She startes that I have moderatly high post traumatic stress which is both on intrusions and avoidance and my scoring on one of the tests I had to do on the day was 59. Aparently the cut off period for the score is 33 so mine is pretty bad concidering. I still find it hard to know that there is something wrong and that if I hadnt of left it so long and tried fighting it myself then it potentially wouldnt have got tjis baf. I guess we learn from our mistakes hey!! I have tried doing some of the techniques that the psychologist taught me to do. Ive currently now drawn three pictures which are the nightmares Im getting made humorous. Ive also been doing a meditation technique called leaves on a stream. Ive had to hold back a little though because it has been getting really intense and really scaring me, making me want to cry all the time. It is also making me feel even more vunerable, and im trying my best to not let the other half see this. I dont want her to worry. I will of course let her read the three page letter if she likes, but if she wants to talk about it, itll have to ve later when her parents arnt around as I dont want them getting involved in my life. Yes they are technically now my family, but not directly, and I dont want everyone knowing my business. I am very much a private person and physically talking to people is hard. I never like the responses I get, they are either sad, cry worthy of negetive or on the other had, they are those annoying positive results which yes in reality would be good, but unless your living that particular life you will never know how hard it actually is!! Admittedly it is all starting to hit home and I am ready to break down but I dont want to make everyo.e else sad. Maybe I should start think about myself once in a while...if only it was that easy hey. Well I think that was a complete and utter bit of randomness and I bet half if it doesnt make sense...well welcome to my head ha. TTFN XXXX