Quick Update

Ok in short, im still very much depressed, if not worse, im still packing and we still have no where to live in 2.5 weeks.

To top things off, out middly rabbit has now come down with a respiratory infection so hes now onnantibiotics twice a day. Something we really didnt need right now.

There has been progress though, tomorrow at 2pm we are having an interview with the homeless team. We blinking hope that they can actually do something for us. So far they seem great though. Today after the appointment was made they faxed my GP asking for a full report about my health which sounds positive though annoyingly theyve not received the update from immunology about my new treatment which we really could of done with. Though ive left the secretary a message and i just pray they can help us out also.

TTFN

XXXX

Happiness To Ignorance!!

As its Monday, its weigh day again. I was dreading it. Because of having flu last week, I didnt really eat much real food, just general crap so I figured I was bound to put weight on. But...I didnt, yay. I lost another 1 1/4 so I was chuffed. I have 2 3/4 pounds to go and ive lost 3 stone since last August. Im over the moon. Never thought I would be able to shift this steroid induced weight but with pure determination and the support from my other half we are getting through it together, to ehich I must add that she to lost weight this week also!! I dropped my other half off into town at lunch time for her to do her volunteering and I firstly went off to the Doctors to get my prescription ready for going awayvtomorrow to which they told me that because I only ordered them on Thursday they werent ready yet. I ask how long till they were and they responded with 1430. I walked out ubber pissed off as that was in less than two hours time. The thing that hacked me off even more was that she picked my drugs up off the side as they were ready and prepared in the basket, all they needed was a final check and to be put into a friggin bag. It would have taken 5 minutes if that to sort, but no I have to go all the way back out there tomorrow in the opposite direction to our mini break and hope that they have all my drugs for me!! After this cock up I then had to get back to town to go to the dentist. I had to have a very small filling as my nebulisers have started effecting my teeth. Bearing in mind I am disabled, to which the dentist surgery are aware of because I told them itll be difficult to get to them as they dont have a lift and are on a first floor and its two flights of stairs up. So bearing this in mind, I climb the stairs, sit and wait 40 mins as they are running behind which is also very uncomfortable for my hip and then finally get called in, to what looks like an obsticle course, to which my dentist didnt move anything to allow me getting into the chair any easier. At this point, other than calling my name, he still hasnt said a single word to me. He then tips the chair back without prewarning me and then stabs the needled straight into my upper gum...again without no pre warning. The treat ment then begins and it seems the dentist has finally found his voice, but only to say if the grinding hurts, raise your left hand. I expected to have one of those clothes protector bib things on so they didnt splash my clothes with anything, but no, nothing and my jumper gets drenched. Again pissed off. After hes finished, he raise the chair up but still hasnt said a word to me so I guess hes finished and struggle back through the obsticle course to get back to the door. On my way out, I ask he how long it is untill I need another appointment and he sits there pondering and then say hmm I guess a year. A year, one fucking year. With being on long term steroids and clearly getting damage from my medication, he wants to leave it a year. My last dentist wanted me with her every 4-6 months. The conclusion to this barbaric treatment is : typical nhs. I have to admit, I much prefer private dentistry, just wish there was on local that would excempt me being exempt from payment because of ESA.ooo I almost for got, on top of all this, hes got filling paste all over my two teeth and its clearly visable which has also pissed me off as its my front two teeth!! So, after my crazy appointment I go home to chill out. Im so stressed from it and have another headache as a result. Not what I need. TTFN XXXX

Becoming Aware

Today I received my indepth letter from the Birmingham psychologist after my appointment with her on the 5th of February. To an outside person or sombody medical like my local consultant or my potential new local psychologist this is one fantastic letter, but for me, it just hits home for how "poorly" my mind actually is. She startes that I have moderatly high post traumatic stress which is both on intrusions and avoidance and my scoring on one of the tests I had to do on the day was 59. Aparently the cut off period for the score is 33 so mine is pretty bad concidering. I still find it hard to know that there is something wrong and that if I hadnt of left it so long and tried fighting it myself then it potentially wouldnt have got tjis baf. I guess we learn from our mistakes hey!! I have tried doing some of the techniques that the psychologist taught me to do. Ive currently now drawn three pictures which are the nightmares Im getting made humorous. Ive also been doing a meditation technique called leaves on a stream. Ive had to hold back a little though because it has been getting really intense and really scaring me, making me want to cry all the time. It is also making me feel even more vunerable, and im trying my best to not let the other half see this. I dont want her to worry. I will of course let her read the three page letter if she likes, but if she wants to talk about it, itll have to ve later when her parents arnt around as I dont want them getting involved in my life. Yes they are technically now my family, but not directly, and I dont want everyone knowing my business. I am very much a private person and physically talking to people is hard. I never like the responses I get, they are either sad, cry worthy of negetive or on the other had, they are those annoying positive results which yes in reality would be good, but unless your living that particular life you will never know how hard it actually is!! Admittedly it is all starting to hit home and I am ready to break down but I dont want to make everyo.e else sad. Maybe I should start think about myself once in a while...if only it was that easy hey. Well I think that was a complete and utter bit of randomness and I bet half if it doesnt make sense...well welcome to my head ha. TTFN XXXX