Worried

Today i learnt that a very good friend of mine is extremly poorly and as we speak shes being transfered to a different hospital to get a different level of care.

Its very touch and go.

Weve been told shes at a critical stage and without this much needed operation theres a very high chance she wont survive.

Im scared. Shes been an amazing friend. Yes weve never met but we email a fair few times a week and i feel like ive known her for years.

Im currently being updated by another friend of hers and i really feel for her as she just doesnt know what to do and im angry with myself for not living closer to be able to help.

My otherhalf keeps saying to me, let me know if u want a hug or if you get to sad but i just cant bring myself to show her me being weak. Weve got to much to do and fight for.

All i know is, my friend MUST pull through, i need her!!

TTFN

XXXX

Sleepy Issues

For those of you who have read my most recent blog you would know that I had a recent admission to ITU with my asthma where I ended up on a special breathing machine but also keeping me awake. This was because I refused full ventilation.

Well, since then (like previous times) I have been having real bad issues with sleeping. Every time I close my eyes it takes me back to that very moment and Im worrying myself with what ifs!? Truth be known Im scared of death and Im scared that one day my asthma will be what kills me and at the wrong time.

All of this is worrying me and Im finding it hard to talk about. My girlfriend asked me last night what was on my mind and what was it that was keeping me awake and I was to scared to tell her. So I said nothing was up. I hate not telling her. I just feel that we cant relate in this department as shes never had to experience it. In the mean time though not only am I getting rubbish nights sleep like normal but I now have this added extra.

Im stuck.

Im lost.

Im confused.

I dont know what to do for the best.

Help!!

TTFN

XXXX