Wowzers

So yet again life has been turned right upside down and all over the place.

On tuesday i was due to have my hip surgery. I had everything sorted mentally etc because i had been having therapy. We r then sat there, all paperwork filled in and every member of the team has spoke to me, then low and behold after 3 hours of bwing bumped we then get told er sorry ur surgery has had to be cancelled as theres no ITU bed for if its needed post op. Was so pissed off as u can imagine. It has now been rebooked for the 24th of February and fingers crossed itll go ahead this time.

In other news, after signing up to do dog fostering last wednesday we were super pleased to learn we had passed. We got told initially that we wouldnt be able to foster untill Dixie had beeb spayed which we figured was fair enough BUT four hours after our home check and we had a phone call, they want us to foster a dog. Yay.

We picked him up on Sunday, his name is Diesel (no we didnt pick it) and he is a minnaturet Staffy. He is absolutly adorable but hes extremely tough to look after. Each day he wakes though he is getting better. He still has some aggression when he has to do something he doesnt like, for example getting out the car and he also has extremely bad food aggression. Sadly thatll take a while to go because hes just not use to having regular meals. He has really bad seperation anxiety also so the minute myself or my wife leave the room he howls the place down. Sadly that may never go.

On sunday we also had to rescue a rabbit. He was in such a bad shape u am totally suprised that he is still alive. We have managed to sort his hutch so its now in a liveable condition,weve also cut his nails and also brush half his fur. I say half because it is in such a bad state that we really dont want to traumatise him so we are giving him breaks inbetween time.

For now though life really isnt that much different.

Im starting to feel really poorly again though. Really drowsey and pain in my lungs. I blinking hope its just a passing cold =(

Well i best be off. Sounds like some pooches need fussing!!

TTFN

XXXX

Worried

Today i learnt that a very good friend of mine is extremly poorly and as we speak shes being transfered to a different hospital to get a different level of care.

Its very touch and go.

Weve been told shes at a critical stage and without this much needed operation theres a very high chance she wont survive.

Im scared. Shes been an amazing friend. Yes weve never met but we email a fair few times a week and i feel like ive known her for years.

Im currently being updated by another friend of hers and i really feel for her as she just doesnt know what to do and im angry with myself for not living closer to be able to help.

My otherhalf keeps saying to me, let me know if u want a hug or if you get to sad but i just cant bring myself to show her me being weak. Weve got to much to do and fight for.

All i know is, my friend MUST pull through, i need her!!

TTFN

XXXX

Yet Another Appointment

Musgrove Park was my hospital today and this was for my hip. Last year I was diagnosed with AVN and an impingement in my right hip so they decided to stick a massive needle into my hip joint and put steroids into it. This was more to try and control my pain rather than treat it. Sadly though since this my pain has just got worse and worse and im taking lots more morphine. Todays was my review appointment following my procedure and and the doctor asked how I was getting on and what its been like for me. I explained that for roughly four hours post the procedure my hip was perfect. Absolutly no pain...the next comment from the doctor was "and dont tell me, when the local wore off you were in agony". To which I obviously smiled and said, yeah, how did you know. She explained that there are a few things going on in my hip and potential some more theyve not yet seen. So they are sending me off for yet another MRI scan but with dye this time. Only of the things she said it could be is a liberal (not sure if this is the right spelling or not) tear. The reason I may have this is because I have deterioration of my femerol bone, there is now a point bit at the top which has potentially sliced through my liberal bit (which is the lining between my ball and socket joint, AKA cartilage bit. She did exain to me though that there could also be other things going on. All of which will show in the scan. To treat the tear, I got told that this is equally as major a surgery as what a hip replacement would be. She also informed me that if it turns out there are other things going on, the only way to fix them would be a total hip replacement. U.fortunatly though this would mean yet another general, and as she said, as ive stopped breathing on the last two, im going to have to be treated wisely and a lot more carefully...guess theres no harm in that though hey c; Now we are back home and in bed. Had a lot to tjink about again and my head is going mental. Wach appointment seems to be screwing my head up that little bit more. I dont think I can actual take much more. Y cant my life be simple. I want to be like most average everyday people!! TTFN XXXX

Could Any More Shit Possibly Happen!?

A day out of hospital and there I was casually relaxing on the sofa trying to recover. Untill my mum comes home.

She didnt ask me how I was or what I had been up to just "did you still have money to give me as Im short"

Lets go back a few steps and Ill fill you in. My mum moved her new boyfirend in a little over two weeks ago, so I told mum I was giving her less money as I should be payong thirds as thats fair. Her response to me for that was you can fuck off. Charming hey. Little did she know I was being deadly serious.

So reverting back to yesterday, I responded to mum about me being serious about not giving her as much money and that of her new boyfriend is giving her money also there was no need.

This kicked off a massive argument of her calling me a selfish cow, an ungreatful bitch and a few more nastiness. She also told me I should be paying her more for her having to run me up and down the country to my hospital appointments. I reminded her that mentally im not coping with yet another diagnosis (to which she said oh ok to) and also about my friend Dawn passing away-her answer to this was we all have friends that die. This argument went on for about 45 minutes to which I was crying my eyes out and devestated my mum gave more of a shit about me not paying her an extra £150 over my physical and mental well being. At the end of this argument mum told me to get the fuck out of the house.

Little did she know I would actually go also!!

5 minutes later her boyfriend come back and they went for a walk with the dog.

In that time I had pack all my medications and a few bits of clothes, grabbed my rabbits in their hutches (bearing in mind I shouldnt be lifting after my surgery) and I filled the car with as much as possible. I rang my girlfriend in a right state with what just happened and because her family are so bloody amazing they have allowed me to move in with them.

This is going to be a struggle hospital wise as itll take 5 hours to get to my birmingham appointments and im going to have to try and find a decent hospital now in cornwall.

I cant believe that not only have I got to deal with a rapidly deteriorating shit health but I now have to try and move all my stuff out. So much from recovering from surgery with major complications. Im just glad that I now have a lovely relaxed new home with great support and care so I can atleast try and recover a little bit.

Well thats it for the dramatic life of me!!

TTFN

XXXX

My Recent Adventures

8 days ago I got admitted to heartlands in preperation for my operation which was on Tuesday.

I went down at 1230 and got told I would be 45 minutes. 3 hours later the finally take me off the ventilator. The reasons for this was because my lungs had a massive disagreement dropped their sats and started to struggle. So as you can tell I worried a lot of people.

I finally got back to the ward at 6pm or there after and wasnt really with it at all.

The pain was so bad I really didnt know what to do with myself. It doesnt help that I couldnt have local in my tummy because Im allergic to it.

The next day was still pretty much the same, still loads of pain, unable to breath properly or cough so they upped all my pain releif in the hope it would sort things.

Thursday was going good. Pain was starting to get sorted and I started to be able to cough again but sadly I had developed a chest infection so had to stay yet another night and be started on antibiotics.

Around 5pm on Thursday, everything I was drinking I was bring back up. Which wasnt good as aparently this operation is supposed to stop me from being able to vommit. So they done an urgent xray to find out what was going on...I had a bowel obsturction - twist in my bowel so I was put nil by mouth and given fluids. To top things off my pain releif was reduced as they needed to wake my bowel up as it had gone to sleep.

So not only have I got operation pain but also have my agonising hip pain back.

The weekend has been pretty uneventful other than me being depressed and thinking about everything and also being in far to much pain.

I am hoping to leave tomorrow but currently I am still vomiting everything I try to eat/drink which isnt right.

My consultant in Birmingham has also requested and MRI scan of my hip to find out what is going on as they think its highly likely to be linked to my steroids. Perfect!!

Well thats my ramble for now.

TTFN

XXXX

All Done

Well yesterday at 1230 lunchtime I had the call to go down to theatre to have my fundoplication.

We got told that the op would take 45 mins and that I may need to go to HDU afterwards.

3 hours later and everyone worrying sick, I finally came out of theatre, the oporation went smoothly and they found a heria so fixed that whilst they were in there.

Sadly my lungs couldnt cope 100% and my oxygen levels dropped so they kept me on the ventilator for a little bit longer to help my lungs. Once they picked up I went to recovery and I slowly improved.

I was allowed to get back to the ward at around 1830 so altogether I was out for 6 hours. A lot longer than I was told.

I have 5 holes and a swollen tummy but thats the least of my worries.

Currently im still on oxygen as my oxygen levels keep dipping off it but thatll soon get better.

Im not allowed any food at all for ayleast 2 days so it is pure liquid for me which to be honest isnt bothering me much as even swolling my tablets is hard.

Im hoping to either go hone later tonight or tomorrow depends on how the respiratory team are with me

All is well for now and ill keep you posted.

TTFN

XXXX

Struggling

With another admission luming to hospital I cant help but keep getting flash backs from my last admission and previous admissions.

Ok this time there is a difference as its not an emergency and its not an asthma attack. Im going in for surgery.

Im struggling to sleep again because it seems that everytime I close my eyes im reliving the terrible times ive had and its scaring the poop out of me.

I dont know what to do, the relationship with my mum has changed because she has a new man in her life so I dont feel I can talk to her and my other half is back in her home town so I dont want to worry her when there is over 100 miles between us.

Shall I mention things to one of my link nurses when in Birmingham to see whether they can help at all or do anything or am I just being daft.

Whats also not helping is being on this silly diet and only getting about 1000 calories a day. I have no energy and just feel drained. Surely this also inst good for surgery.

Well theres my worries for now!!

Ill keep you posted for how I get on

TTFN

XXXX

The Start!!

As of yesterday I have two weeks and one day untill my surgery. I have to admit I am officially now starting to shit myself.

Yes ok mum is going to be there, (only just with persuation might I add) but the last time I had an operatio where they knocked me out I stopped breathing. That was before my asthma was as bad as what is is now. So yes, I can officially say im SCARED!!

Worst of all, ive told the girlfriend that she can be with me before the surgery (so now) and the time post the surgery. She really wants to go up the day im having the operation but ive refused to let her. Purely for the fact that the hospital isnt in the safest of areas and im worried about her being on her own at certain times of the day. I kind of wish she was here for the day of the surgery!!

The other bad thing about this surgery is, I cant eat food for two weeks before the operstion and for a fair few amount of weeks after. My surgeon has told me I need to have three liquid slimfasts a day and a bit of yoghurt inbetween them. I am sick of them already and yesterday was my first day.

I dont know how im going to survive.

IM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW

TTFN

XXXXX

Another Scary Moment!!

So I thought I would enjoy my life. Visited my dad for my tea on the Friday and then spent the weekend with the most amazing best friend ever!! We managed a carboot sale that we raised £80 for Brighton Pride at the end of the month so that was ace and on sunday I left and met up with some more amazing friends. By Sunday night, I had just got onto the motorway and I suddenly couldnt breath so raced back to Bristol and got my self into hospital. Sadly I ended up in intensive care on a non invasive ventilator with heliox being pumped into me. They told me that the best option was to b ventilated but I refused it as it is the most horrible thing imaginable.I have to say I am now ultimatly scared about going out and about on my own again. 6 days in ITU and HDU and i was finally allowed onto the respiratory ward. During the week I had some amazing visitors and company to keep my spirits up and the lovely better half had decided to come up on the train and visit me whilst in hospital. Whilst on the resp ward I had lots of input from physios who have told my I really need to slow down as my muscles can take it and neither can my lungs. My oxygen levels r dropping into the 80s when walking fast now so here is the new life of a snail. I have to say I am massively frustraited with how things r turning out. I just want me life back, I want to go exploring not be this frail young person struggling to live a little bit of a life!! On a positive note my link nurse from Birmingham rang me when I got out of hospital to check in on me and also to tell me that they are in the process of writing a very helpful letter to my local hospital to ensure my treatment becomes a hell of a lot better than what it is so I shouldnt b so scared to get help if i need it. I have also been to birmingham gastro team and they have told me I need surgery on my tummy to stop the acid burning my lungs and this will b done in rough 2 or 3 months so another thing to worry myself over for the next few months!! Well thats my rant for now TTFN XXXX