What If?!

Ever wondered what if...

I do every day!!

What if my lungs were healthy?!

What if my muscles didnt choose to want a progressive disease?!

What if my immune system was normal?!

What if my parents never got a divorse?!

What if my house never caught fire when i was 16?!

What if i managed to get to my uni placement and became a paramedic?!

What if i hadnt met my future wife?!

What if, what if what if?!

The list is endless!!

My latest what if, what if we dont get a home by October 4th!?

Im so blinking scared about everything and this isnt just because we will potentially be homeless but its because a lot of my life so far has ended up going in the wrong direction, it hasnt gone as ive planned!!

So, like before, have you ever though what if!?

TTFN

XXXX

Whens It Going To End?!

My title is perfect for this present moment in time.

Today, I finally managed to get an emergency appointment at my dentist for the lump in my mouth. I was not impressed though. My appointment was at 1210. I got there at 12 as I hate being late for things. Next thing I know its 1245 and I can hear them nattering about their upcoming weekend so I went to the desk and said not being funny but its pushing on and ive another appointment at 1pm. So the dentist goes back to her room fiddles about and then comes and gets me. I sit in the chair and she said right today we are doing a filling...i stared at her and said i think your not. Im coming as an emergency to get my lump looked out. Finally we get down to business and it turns out i was right. Its something called a Ranula. Unfortunatly though I have to be refered to a surgeon to have surgery to not only remove the lump but also the offending syliva duct and glad as for some unknown reason its become damaged. She also said i need biopses because of how angry it looks...stupid thing is though she said ill here back from the surgeon within 8 weeks. Im not happy especially if it turns out to be Cancer. Im not looking forward to it because what could be a day case procedure cant happen for me. I stop breathing with aneasthetics and need ITU input. Great.

In other news. My in laws went and viewed thier potential new house and when they come back they were happy about how it looked. We now have a man coming on friday to sort this house out and if they like their new place they sign the contract on Friday too. They then get the keys and can move in on Monday. We all also have to be out of this house within 4 weeks. Great.

Im also having a crap day as this time last year i had my second respiratory arrest and im getting really bad flash backs.

Thats all for now

TTFN

XXXX

What To Do!?

Life sure does like to throw you challenges doesnt it!? Well, I seem to think so anyway!!

Last year my best friend asked if I wanted to go to florida with her, great yeah I thought, why not!? And then I thought hmm I need insurance and what a joke that was. As it was far to much I figured I may aswell just start saving money every month for something else as florida really wasnt going to be affordable.

February this yeah my amazing girlfriend had pruposed to me, so the saving naturally went towards that. We have worked out that roughly it will cost £3000 roughly. Bummer, thats going to be a few years down the road then.

So the next scenario was lets start saving for a baby. Being in a same sex relationship, unfairly its going to cost a few thousand pound just to be able to create a famile. Totally unfair right. Yes I thought so also.

Then I thought, can we both be on our childs birth certificate!? So the research began and the outcome is: if we went through a fertility clinic then we dont have to be married and we can both be on the certificate. But if we went for a cheaper option of finding a donor and doing it in the comfort of our own home then no we cant both be on the birth certificate unless we are legally together. So yet another blow.

Now we are deciding, do we go through a clinic and put the wedding off and start our family OR do we get married and then do the cheaper option of starting a family!?

Im really stuck. Sometimes I think that we are both too young to be having children with me being nearly 23 and the other half having just turned 20, but then you look in society and see that half the younger population have started having children.

Our other sticky situation is that we cant afford to live in our own home so we are currently living with the rent in laws. Yes they have a spare room which a few months ago they happily said they would let us have for a baby, BUT pops uses that room on the odd occasion to sleep in when he cant get comfy in his marital room. So I feel bad that ill be taking his only other place away from him.

All these thought are actually stressing me out a little. I also feel alightly pressured as tine is ticking and I kind of want my last nan to be with us when I get married and also start a family.

Time will tell I guess!!

TTFN

XXXX