Overwhelmed

Just woke up after falling asleep and its all abit weird in my head. So much has happened and its now getting to me.

Firstly,my friend i told u about is getting better. Shes now out of the critical stage and back with us talking and growing strong. Thank goodness. So pleased as was ubber worried.

The next thing being that Dixie has finally had someone say and be willing to foster her whilst we are in our temp place. Sadly it is 3 hours away but weve just got to be lucky that shes found a home which equally means we dont have to give her up long term as that would be heart breaking.

Next up is this bloody flat. I hate it. Its horrible. Its not ideal for me at all. To top it off the landlord is an ass. Weve begged him for Dixie to come with us and even said we would pay for cleaners to come in when we leave but no. He refused to sort out the water in the kitchen as for the last week weve had none. So i had to get on the floor to look and sort which is never good as i cant get off the bloody floor so my other half had to help me. Next up we went there to day to drop more stuff off and the bloody bay window roof is being ripped out and we hadnt been told. Im pretty sure we had to have 48 hours notice and yet we had none. We also still havnt received our electric key to be able to put money on the electric. We got told last wednesday 24 hours and we will have it. But no,again nothing. Which means weve £3 on the meter, a freezer full of food and i cant neb. Grand. It all just seems a night mare.

All of this and im also shitting it about money. I know we will be fine but im a huge ocd worry bean about money to the extent i have a book, write what goes in and out and what weve left for the month and then each day i write how much has been spent and then calculate how much remains. At the moment it seems like we are £200 better off living independantly but weve not hade the correct amount of bills yet so all that could change.

Im also confused as to whats happening about my immunology infusions as ive not been contacted and its been nearly a month now.

The wedding is coming up and i know longer have any idea of what is left to buy as its all in stupid boxes

My other halfs 21st is also coming up and im worrying that we wont have the money for me to make it special for her.

To tope it off, today it seems like my pharmacy wanted to kill me again. Remember the error a few weeks back about my steroids. Well i made a complaint and that got sorted BUT today, as usuall walking out the door i checked my drugs so i didnt drive all the way home and see a mistake. I opened the bag and saw the words Sando-k and though what the heck i dont take that. I take phosphate. Took it back in and said er uve given me the complete wrong drug. Her answer was "i though it was strange when i was second checking it" i replied saying well its a gokd job i know my drugs else this time next week i could have been dead. Its not like it was a simple error or omeprazole or anything it was a potential fatality error. Its shocking.

TTFN

XXXX

The Love Of My Life

What an amazing few days ive had...but shhhh dont tell everyone else my enjoyment may be stolen!!

Last christmas, my amazing fiance got me 2 shrek tickets for Bristol Hippodrome. Thankfully also we had recently been given a disability grant. As a result we booked 2 nights away.

On the Wednesday initially we dropped Dixie off at the kennels which we hated might i add and really didnt want to leave her. We then went via my sisters to have cuddles with the nephew and then we finally set off to Bristol.

After we checked in we went for a stroll around cribbs causeway in the hunt for baby clothes bargains as my nephew has been given lots of 3-6 months and older clothers but has about 3 0-3month clothes. Thankfully BHS had a huge sale on and we got 5 outfits for £16 which i was super pleased with. I then treated my lady to spud-u-like. Yes ok people may be like, what, you took her for a jacket potato...but its amazing. You can choose ur own filling and shes never heard of this food place before. Thankfully we both super enjoyed ourselves, so much so we tucked into a millies cookie for pudding...which the othernhalf has also never heard of or eaten before.

Thursday came and it was show time, but not before i treated my girlfriend to another food adventure shes never heard of. I took her to flavourz. Which for those who dont know its and all you can eat buffet bar which has chinese, indian, italian, english and much more all for a great price of £4.95 at lunch tim.

Shrek of course was out of this world. We both was so happy when we left. My other half has also never been to see a show in a theatre before so she was beside her self with joy. Which might i add was great to see after all the crap weve had at home lately. (We ended up buying a gingy puppet to take home for Dixie which she has already eaten off a gum drop oops ha)

Friday came and it was time to come home.

First off we went via the cemetry to visit my nan and grandad. Sadly i am the only family member that ever goes to visit them and also buy them new flowers and decorate their head stones and i was mightly pissed to see that some bastard had stolen the one whole pot of flowers that was on my grandads head stone. Filthy scumbags they are for stealing others stuff. I hate it so much and it makes me really angry.

Well, rant over and off we popped for lunch with mum and my step dad. Whilst eating away, my mum suddenly come out with "how do you feel about coming away with us easter week next year as a wedding present from us. All youll do is share the place with us and you can go off and gander for the whole time". Needless to say we were both shocked and of course said yes.

We finally got home at 8pm or just after. Half way back to Cornwall and the motorway ends up like an asda carpark so wet stopped at Exeter services and sat it out for a little while. Much comfier on the costa sofas that in a car seat.

Today was amazing also. We left to go and pick up Dixie again. The reaction.we got when shet saw us around the corner was the best ever. If youve never seen a excitable puppy, picture a springer spaniel on speed and triple it as that was what Dixie was like. And we loved it.

When we got home i settled down and made the finaly present for my sister. When we first met my nephew, i took my beastie camera with met and took a lot of photos for her. In fact 54 in total. Because im nice, i have gone out and got a black papered paperchase book and made a little portfolio of all the photos i took for her. I was going to send it in the post to suprise her just like ive sent 3 photos to my mum and nan but now that its complete it is rather large so ill be giving it to her in person on the 10th.

Other than all this excitment. The usual crap has gone on. My chest is flaring up again. My ladies parents are still be arseholes and went in our room again whilst we were away. A lock will now be put on our door when we next get paid in 2 weeks. Ggrr

Well i think thats all for now

TTFN

XXXX

Hiding Away

Ok apologies for not having been here for a while.

On Thursday after my mobily scooter assessment (which was a-maze-ing) i was really poorly. I had yet another migraine plus my belly become extremly swollen and i was in agony. So i curled up in a ball and shut the world out.

Back to my scooter assessment though, weve found the perfect scooter and my other half has been taught how to take it apart and reassemble it. Sadly though its going to cost £1249 so unless i cant get the grants from charities im not going to be having it. It felt so amazing on it. i had freedom. I was my independant self again.

Friday was pretty pants. We were running around, going to doctors, posting parcels and my other half went to the gym. I was shattered and suprise suprise, by the end of the morning i had yet another migraine.

Uve decided that im going to the doctors on monday about my migraines as ive been on my increase tablets for a month now with no such luck so something needs to be done.

All weekend ive basically just chilled. We had a BBQ on friday which was nice thougj even at 6pm the heat was to much so i had to go back to bed and sit infront of the fan.

Today we are off to a place called Sibly back lake with Dixie and we are meeting up with 2 friends and their son. At tue moment it looks nice an overcast so im hoping that i wont get a migraine with sitting in my chair not getting away from the sun.

the stress of my other halfs parents have increased yet again and they were in the middle of slagging me off when they realied i could hear everyword as i was stood outside of the window. I felt gutted. Aparently its all my fault that their daughter is now selfish and never spends anytime with them. Im sorry but monday she volunteers at bernardos. Tuesday she goea to the gym. Wednesday she does to yoga. Thursday she goes to the gym and friday we go swimming. Not forgetting caring for me, baking cakes for her business and also taking Dixie for walks. I feel deflated. I dont know what ive done.

TTFN

XXXX

Busy And Excited All In One

Today has been one of those up and down emotional days

It started off with anger. My partner woke up super early knowing she had an order for a cake. 2 hours after she had been awake and the cake was cooked, the lady who ordered the cake sent a message saying she no longer had the money to pay for it and wondered if she could pay on friday but still have the cake tomorrow. Straight away i said no, it doesnt work like that. Weve taken the decision to not give her the cake. She said she would let us know of she could get the money from someone at 7pm tonight. I have no idea hpw she expected my girlfriend to turn over a peppa pig model cake at 7pm tonight. Crazy springs to mind.

After all that curfuffle, my respiratory consultants secretary got back to me after i left a message yesterday and has made an appointment for me in August to give him my over night sats recornings. I really praying something can be done about them as i woke up again with a huge headache and it puts me in a foul mood.

I then tried to have a snooze this afternoon as i was physically and mentally exhausted and my partners parents decided they would be as loud as possible. Bearing in mind we live in the countryside where theres no traffic or noise, they decided that instead of talking to each other in the garden, they would shout at each other. Pissed me right off as i got no sleep. So not only am i not sleeping on the night time but im being stopped during the day. I wouldnt mind but they knew i was asleep as my partners mum decided she would come in our room and start talking to my partner whilst i was led there with my eyes closed. Actually thinking about it...pissed off doesnt describe in detail enough how i was feeling.

Then ofcourse we had excitment...the pram and car seat we ordered on the weekend arrived. Its so amazing and very well padded for the child. best of all. It didnt have pictures on the side of the boxes so there was no chance any one could see what they were so our worries about the hell we were going to get werent needed yay.

I then on the other hand dropped the bomb shell to my partner for how much money since saturday i spent on baby stuff...and ot came to £159 whoops. Not buying anymore for now then hehe.

TTFN

XXXX

Wants Life To End

Literally, after today i really cant take any more.

All weekend ive been  spiralling further and further down because of things that are going on and im getting toy far into my depression im now struggling to pull myself out.

Being at mums was good in the fact that it was just me and my beautiful girlfriend but in theory it was just putting off the inevitable.

As soon as we got home, the shit literally hit the fan.

Argument kicked off, we were called ever name under the sun and we were made to feel like utter crap

And guess what the cause of it was...yup you got it, the happiest day of our lives, our  wedding.

My family have suprisingly been very supportive and happy for us. My partners on the other hand have really really kicked off, to the point theyve now told me im no longer doing their wedding photography and my  partner is no longer their bridesmaid. All this is because they arnt coming to the "ceremony" section of our wedding.

We are both so upset.

Its our day, we dont get why we are being treates like this.

Ive now contacted the welfare team for the councel explaining the urgency to get our own house as i fear that if im kept in this situation i will try to end my life again. They are just seeing what they can do to help and then will get back to us.

In good news though, ive now completed hat number 150 so another box is complete and ready to send.

TTFN

XXXX

Down Again

To start things off yesterday was HELL!!

Went down to check on the rabbits like normal and Mr Spice still hadnt ate or drank at all. So other than the syringe feeding hes not had anything on his own accord so I rang the vets and we rushed him over there.

We got into the vets and as I predicted, his teeth had overgrown again. Sadly Mr Spice has deformed teeth and he refuses to eat hay so his teeth grown up into his head and around his cheeks. As a result he was in agony and went off his food. He needed emergency surgery. We were waiting around the vets for 7 hours because I didnt want to leave him. With him being 7, there was an 80% chance he wouldnt make it. Thankfully though, he did and he is now back home with us and is an gorgeous as ever!!

Today how ever has just dragged me down that little bit more.

On Saturday we handed out the last of our wedding invites, and lets just say, a fair few people are not impressed at all. Not just because they arnt invited to the ceremony, but because our dads wont be walking us down the aisle, no one is wedding dress shopping with us (as my other half is making her dress) and they have to pay for the evening meal.

Weve literally had non stop hell about how we are doing it.

Today, I dropped my other half off at work, and as soon as I got home her parents near on cornered me and interigated me for why we are doing the wedding the way we are. I told them that the day is about us and we cant afford a big do, to which I couldnt cope with anyway.

It seems like know one is happy for us. From word go, the day we starting seeing each other, someone has had a comment to say...and not nice comments either.

I just dont get it. We r happy, why cant people be happy for us!?

TTFN

XXXX

Anything Else Want To Come My Way?!

Sorry for not posting yesterday but I was so overwhelmed with information I just couldnt bring myself to sharing it.

I was at Musgrove park hospital in Taunton for a MRI on my hip.

I had to be there for 0920 in the morning as first up i had to have a massive needle poked into my hip joint again to have dye pumped straight into it. This was done under xray guidance. Initially all was going ok, then suddenly I felt very sick, went mega dizzy and from what i can gather, the colour drained from me and i went spaced out. Next thing i know both the nurse at my head and the consultant injecting me was asking if i was ok.

The whole team on this first stage was fantastic.

Following this i then went round to the MRI scanner. I got told that i would only be about 10 minutes...2 and a half hours later im finally back with my other half who had been going frantic and worrying mega because i had been so long.

off we toddled to the cafe though where i had a coffee to wake me up again for the journey back home. Fingers crossed itll only be a few weeks and ill have the result and find out what treatment i need.

Once home i had to ring my GP to update them on the new drugs ive started and i also wanted to check both my sputum and blood tests that i had done on Monday.

I was so pissed. The receptionst told me that yes the result were in but i had to physically come in to see the doc to discuss the result...and the next nearest appointment was 3 weeks away. I obviously refused this and said ill sort something, but in the meantime could the doctor ring me so i can tell them about my new medications...cheeky me then mentioned the blood results to the doctor when they rang me back and bloody hell im friggin glad i did. It was with regards to my phosphate again...and it remain critically low. Ulyour levels are meant to be 2.4 and above...mine was 0.6 so its no wonder im struggling so much so ive now been started on phosphate supplements and need regualr blood tests

As youve probable guessed following all this had 100% exhausted me so i went off to sleep...only to be woken up at midnight having a massive allergic reaction...gradually throughout the day i had been getting itchier and itchier and then by midnight i also had a full body rash. I could put my finger on what was causing it annd initially i thought it might have been the uniphylin...with taking this mornings dose and having no reaction it then clicked, it started straight after i had the dye put in my hip...and had been getting worse throughout the evening making me feel shit, so i guess thats another drug i can no longer have. Perfect.

I woke up this morning in agony though. I know the consultant warned me that with certain people, depending on what hip injury they have they can have bad pains through out the whole leg for the next few days..mand boy was he right. I could barly walk to day and i cant bend my knee without crying out in pain. I just hope it doesnt hang around.

Today i have officially made 35 baby hats so my first NICU box is complete. Im going to do another fair few amounts of hats though before i send them off as i want to get a great picture to send into asthma uk to show them the progress...please look through my previous blogs to find my just giving page...we really need more donation!!

TTFN

XXXX

Busy Bee

Alarms should not have been inveted. I hate them. I had to wake up early this morning because I had to go to the GP to have blood taken. I initially thought this day was going to be hell because the steroid nasal spray I ordered last week hadnt been authorised by the doctor. Its meant to take 24 hours, im currently on day 7 so now and urgent message had to be re sent to the doctor. I then went to log in to say I had arrived for my bloods - and the computer crashed, so I cued up and had to register like the good old days...the lady at reception was being so slow that by the time it was my tern, it was then showing I was ten minutes late. Not impressed. I should have my blood tests by Friday though and we will be able to see whether im going to need more medication for my phosphate. When we got home, as I was down stairs, me and the other half decided to finish the run we had built so that our three boys could finally run around again. We are so impressed with our handy work, what do you think:

After this I had to drop my other half into benardos so she could do her good deed of the week and I went home to bed as I was exhausted already...so much so I fell asleep untill she came home again which was roughlu 4.5 hours. Whoops. Its ok though, I made up good time by knitting 3 more baby hats this morning. It is coming along quickly now. Ive completed 19 altogether now and I have another potentially 2 people donating more wool to me to complete my challenge. Tonight I made my smallest hat so far, here is a picture of it next to my ventolin inhaler for a comparison:

Please continue to support me by donating just a small amount and also sharing my just giving page: https://www.justgiving.com/Charlie-Hockaday-Williams Tonight me and the lady have also put a menu together for our wedding meal and sent it back to the hotel we want to go to for pricing so hopfully by the end of next week we gave get our invites sent out. Im day as you can see has been rather scatty, but it has exhausted me so much that I am just finishing my physio and im off to try and sleep. TTFN XXXX

Justgiving

In a few previous posts i have told you about a challenge i have set myself.

Because i have become a lot worse both muscles wise and lung wise i am pretty much stuck in bed unless its for an appointment and then im stuck in wheelchair.

So instead of sitting here feeling more sorry for myself i decided to set my set a challenge of knitting 4950 baby hats. 30 for every NICU unit throughout England.

I have so far knitted 12. 4 today alone.

Although they are hats for NICU units I have decided I want to raise money for a charity very close to my heart. Thisll be my second time raising money for them...

ASTHMA UK

Are my choose charity.

Your support will do me wonders. I have set up a just giving page so please please please support me by donating and sharing my page amongst your friends.

You could save my life by finding research to give me a better medication. You could chanhe my life around!!

Here is my page, keep sharing and please donate. It only has to be a small amount

Your page: http://www.justgiving.com/Charlie-Hockaday-Williams

TTFN

XXXX

Excitment Ahead

Ok so I cant actually contain it any longer...

Myself and my partner has as of today booked our wedding...we can legally call each other wifey and hersband as of 13th November 2014 at 1330 hours!!

I am so excited!!

I know on the other hand that shit will come of this as we are not inviting any guestes. We are literally having our two best friends as our witnesses and our one best friends little boy as a ring holder. Weve decided to do it this way though because A we actually cant afford a massive do and B partying and standing up infront of a mass load of people not only isnt our thing but it scares the crap out of me.

What we have decided to do though is book a little village hall at some point next year where we can have a gathering of all our family and friends and say new vows to each other. This of course being when we both have enough confidence and money.

The best thing about us getting married this November is that now, any children that we are going to have can legally have both of our names on threir birth certificate where as before they couldnt. So our children will literally and officially be ours.

Ok etxcitment over for now

TTFN

XXXX

Pathetic

This morning I had to take my other half to the hospital for an appointment. She had to have her braces adjusted, a few other bits tweaked with and her jaw looked at to make sure everything was going in the right direction for her surgery that shes having towards the end of the year...hopefully. Thankfully everything everything is going perfectly and the treatment really is starting to work. The sad thing is that with things being played with today, shes got lots of pain so now we have to step up the pain releif again to make sure it doesnt get out of hand. Prior to us leaving, we had a huge barny with my other halfs mum. She knew we were going out and although my partners dad only came put of hospital last night she insisted that they had to go shopping. (Even though I could have done it). Wuth us all being out the house, she asked us where we were going to be putying Dixie to which we both replied, in the kitched like we always do. She wasnt impressed with this because unfortunatly on the weekend when we were at the hospital for 6 hours Dixie chewed the table. She wanted us to put her in our bedroom to which I refused because not only is there electric at the end of the bed and to the side of the bed but I have all my drugs. Thankfully my father in law agrees that itll be far to dangerous to keep her up there. Hes not nothered that the table got chewed because as he said again today, they didnt pay for the table and they are puppies. My mother in law argued that shes not having her stuff chewed which is why they got their puppy cage trained. As a result now they are telling myself and my partner that we have to by a dog pen for dixie to go in as they dont want to risk her chewing other stuff. Ive told them if they want her in one, they can pay for it as the are roughly £50. I refuse to cage train Dixie. So may say its amazing, but the idea of licking my dog in a small cage just doesnt appeal to me, not only is it restrictive for them, but they have no fluid or anything. I also see how stressed their puppy gets. I also panic and worry because when I was 16 I was involved in a house fire. Our old family home infact and I worry that if this was to happen again now, then Dixie would be trapped with no where to run. Why would you risk it, it doesnt make sense. Thankfully, no more has been said on the subject since we got home, but im sure it will. The rest of the day has generally been ok though. Im suffering really bad with my muscles thpugh, they keep giving out on me and I cant hold me head up again. Im having to prop it up on pillows. I really wish I didnt have this muscle disease. The rest I can cope with...kind of. Well, I best be off, I have a hospital appointment for myself tomorrow. TTFN XXXX

Why Cant One Day Be Simple!?

With an intentional early rise this morning, who knew that the day could turn out so god damn shit!! First off, we were intending on going swimming, but both my other half and her dad had to go to the doctors. My lady has been refered to someone a little more specialist to help out with a new problem that shes got (I say new, but weve been back and forth to the GP so many times over the last year, but theyve only just decided they cant control things any more). Sadly though, with her pops, I ended up having to drive him to hospital on the GPs orders. Hes had an increase in his shortness of breath over the last two days that his inhaler wasnt sorting and was getting a lot of chest pain. An update on him as of an hour ago after an xray, ecg and blood work, he may have a possible small PE. As a result, he is being kept in overnight just incase. I hope its nothing to bad, but on the other hand, maybe this could be a wake up call for my other halfs parents crappy diets and lack of exercise. But, will update you more on what is going on when we know more. I have to go pick up my mother in law who is currently still at hospital, im just hoping its pretty darn soon as im normally in bed by now. The other shit oart of today is that we had the council man come around today after he refused to put in a stair lift for me two which two medical professions told him I need and boy didnt I have yet another go at him. On a good note though, we are now getting a stair lift. On a bad note, hes only doing this for the mean time because he is basically kicking the four of us out. As aparently there are no homes in cornwall with two large double bedrooms either, me and my other half now need to venture on our own. Weve been told we have to sign up to home choice and start bidfing on properties. The council man also told us that they cant help us out anymore financially (because we told him were struggli.g to live off the parents on our income of benefits), he then also told us that the homes come unfurnished and that he also cant help us there either ( which im pissed about as ive just sold all my storage kit to which held my first flats living stuff. We are well and truly screwed. I went straight upstairs and just cried. We cant afford to live on our own, and the chance of me now getting a home that is suitable for my needs is zero to none. The council man ill just add said that if my other halfs parents got a house first, we would have to leave at the same time whether we had a home or not. So this twat is willing to make an ill and disabled person homeless. What the heck is the world come to. More stress to add to my life. I just want one day where I xan sit, chill and be my self. When do you think that may be!? TTFN XXXX

3 Years On!!

Im not sure if you remember me telling you about my ass hole of an ex. We ended up splitting up because not only was she beating me up daily but she also made me see that there was no point in life to which lead me to taking a life threatening overdose. Since leaving her, I also left Bristol and went into hiding so that she had no clue of my where abouts...untill this year. Ok granted she does know where I live, but although ive changed my whole name she has managed to hunt me down through facebook, because I ignored her she started texting my mum, because my mum started ignoring her, shes now moved on to facebook messaging my other half. Shes demanding apparent money that I owe her because she gave it me when we were together to purchase a car and now that shes getting married, shes decided she needs funds so easy way to get it is to harrass me and the people I love. I wouldnt mind and I wouldnt be bothered, but shes threatening to take me to court and I think its unfair. She gave me the money, there was no documents signed saying that I would pay it her back and what I dont get is why its taken her three years to suddenly decide she wants money. I told myself that if she was to contact anyone I loved again I will can the police instantly, and ... tonight she did. After an initial talk with the police, I am now meeting with an officer on Thursday all being well and recovered from the flu. Im upset that shes starting again. Why cant she leave me alone. Shes caused enough stress and harm to my life!!?? TTFN XXXX

Finding Money And Finding My Smile

Forgetting I had a birthday a few weeks ago means I forgot I was given money. Ok granted I still cant put petrol in the car but I can buy something if I need...though have to "walk" there to get what I need. My inlaws were really kind this morning and took myself and my partner swimming today. We go every Friday and we really didnt want to stop just because we couldnt use my bank card.with trying to loose weight, we figured it was a mudt, if we give up now. We will give up altogether!! Along with this, they said that they had to go to the local town to pay their bills and said that they will pick up my drugs. I really couldnt thank them enough for their kindness today. We were both really pleased with our progress with swimming though. Again we were the only two people in the pool, and just had a nice casual swim. I hip is in agony now though which really isnt good, especially as we just decided to take the puppy around the feild- twice. Ive decided though that I need to keep moving. If I stay sat all the time because of the pain, itll just get worse ehich is going to get me nowhere. In exciting news today, I had post from the bank. Yay!! Wow I wish you could hear my sarcasm right now because, the bank sent out a bank card with my old name still on it. Would love to know why they did that considering I went there personally to change it. So again I had to ring the bank and adk them what they were playing at. According to this gentleman on the phone, he doesnt understand why my card has been blocked in the first place, it doesnt make sense. Not to me nor them it seems. Muppets. If it wasnt such a pain in the rear I would change my bank, but I really cant be bothered with all the hassel. Were supposed to be meeting up with really great friends tomorrow in Exeter because its one of their birthdays today. They have been a real big support to both myself and my partner and I couldnt thank them enough. The one lady use to be a learner support assisstant in my old secondary school, we had no contact again untill roughly 3-4 years later when we saw each other at gay pride in Bristol. Two which I then established she was also now dating a lady. They were also at the time going through the same process as myself and my partner with having a baby and they now have a very beautiful baby girl who is full of life and always smiling. I really cant wait to start the process with my partner. Ok itll present some challenges no doubt with both life and health, but when doesnt a baby present challenges. Im sure youll all be pleased to hear that we have continued with our healthy eating also and tonight our tea is going to be meatball pasta bake. Weve also made another healthy soup for the next week. All these exciting new food really are keeping us motivated. Ok do I think ill stop rambling now!! TTFN XXXX

My Lovely Events

Today hasnt been the most of exciting days at all if im honest. Ive had rather a lot of pain and literally just cant get comfy, ive been led down, sat up, walking around and in any other position that is possible to try. My other half has been decorating her many cakes to which is going to finalised into one big cake in the end. Its for our friends naming ceremony in a few weeks time. She is so excited and it looks amazing considering shes never done anything like this at all. Ok shes done many of cakes, but not done anything to this level before. Im so proud of her!! I on the other hand has been reading more photography stuff and hunting for a perfect place for sunday to go take this perfect photo for my next competition. So far. The four ive entered have got me silver awards which I never in a million years thought id achieve. Once all our daily hobbies were done, we took our puppy to the field which is literally a house away. She absolutly loved it and couldnt get enough of it, and luckily for us, shes slept since shes got back. I on the other hand is in more pain than before. Because of it being soggy grass, I couldnt go in my wheelchair, so went with my crutches, but it still left me off worse, so have been in bed since. Myself and my partner are still continuing our healthy eating diet in the hope to keep loosing more weight. Our meal tonight was blinking scrummy. It was a sausage omelette with pan warmed pepper slices. Was blinking amazing, ive never trialed with so many different food and flavours before and its really getting me stuck in. Fingers crossed for weigh day on monday. In other news, last night at 8pm, I found out that my bank card had been blocked. So I had to ring the bank and was told that because ive changed my last name, I now cant access funds untill I get my new card. That or go to my local branch with photographic ID and draw out cash over the counter thing. They couldnt understand the whole no ID as ive changed my name and that has also been sent away. They also couldnt u derstand that my nearest branch is over 30 miles away and dont have enough petrol to get there and cant get petrol as cant use my card. They have also left us screwed food wise. We were meant to go shopping tomorrow after ive picked up my prescription as we have no food and my drugs run out tomoorow. We now cant do any of that. I really kicked off with the bank and they said id have the manager ring me back within the whole...11 hours later and im still waiting for that phone call. As a result, last night I sent an email to the bank destressing how much I need my money, they responded which is great, but they said, they were putting my complaint through the right team, and not actually dealing with the need of my money by tomorrow, so I replied in a very stern manner. I am awaiting their result. Dont think im going to get money by tomorrow though which really isnt helpful. Well, theres my non exciting day. TTFN XXXX

Photography!!

Its that time again to bug you all. Im trying to get my photography known to many people, but its a slow progress at the moment. Some photos ive not put on my facebook page as they are of babies, and although the photos are stunning, I dont trust the world enough to not have them nicked or used inappropriately. But I still have a huge amount of other stunning photos on my page. All of which can be made into cards and postcards at a small price. This is all in place to help me build up my equipment and get my little business set up official. First I need your support. My facebook page is: https://www.facebook.com/CharlieWarliePhotography?ref=hl Please take a look, like my page and share it amongst your friend. TTFN XXXX

Money, Money, Money

Everything lately involves money. Earlier this month, we found out that we have infact been paid £200 less each month from the job centre than what we thought as they failed to inform us. We had been wondering why each month we seemed to be dipping into my DLA payout from last February. And now we know why. The pain in the ass thing about this is that not only has christmas just passed, but it was also my birthday, plus valentines day, plus a years anniversary from me and my partner having been engaged. We also had to change over my car insurance which cost extra for the initial payment, plus we had double pet insurance for it being the initial payment, then Dixie became poorly and we had to rush her to the vets, and we also had to go to Birmingham twice for my appointments. Ontop of all this, because I am struggling each month, im cancelling my storage unit and selling everything thats in it. Last year to drop my unit it cost £25, now they want to take £120. I told them the reason im cancelling my storage is because I dont have the mo thly £53 let alone the amount they want today. They werent impressed so have given me till the 7th March to pay it off. It is literally all about money. Everyone wants it when we dont have it. Thankfully I have been a little OCD with saving because me and my partner desperately want a baby, so now we have needed to start dipping into this. Were not best pleased, but what else can we do!? The government dont want to help us, and the bills need to be paid. More stress to add to what we have. TTFN XXXX

Money Worries!!

I havnt a clue how Im going to get over this, bit I hate it.

Im not short of money as I save a crazy amount each month but each month I panic a ridiculus amount that Im going to run out of money or that Im not going to have enough to pay for all my bills.

We have a little book started this month where we are writing down any extra spendings that we are doing so we can monitor how much money we have left for us to spend on what we like.

Some people may think that doing that is stupid but with me being able to visually see the out goings it some how makes me feel better.

Im so pathetic about it, everytime we are out and I see a cash point I have to check my balance. This will still be done even if I know exactly how much is in there.

I want to get this stressful situation out of my head but I really dont know how Im going to do it...if you can think of any, comments would be greatfully welcome as it really is getting me down.

Anyhow, puppy is awake now so Im off

TTFN

XXXX

What To Do!?

Life sure does like to throw you challenges doesnt it!? Well, I seem to think so anyway!!

Last year my best friend asked if I wanted to go to florida with her, great yeah I thought, why not!? And then I thought hmm I need insurance and what a joke that was. As it was far to much I figured I may aswell just start saving money every month for something else as florida really wasnt going to be affordable.

February this yeah my amazing girlfriend had pruposed to me, so the saving naturally went towards that. We have worked out that roughly it will cost £3000 roughly. Bummer, thats going to be a few years down the road then.

So the next scenario was lets start saving for a baby. Being in a same sex relationship, unfairly its going to cost a few thousand pound just to be able to create a famile. Totally unfair right. Yes I thought so also.

Then I thought, can we both be on our childs birth certificate!? So the research began and the outcome is: if we went through a fertility clinic then we dont have to be married and we can both be on the certificate. But if we went for a cheaper option of finding a donor and doing it in the comfort of our own home then no we cant both be on the birth certificate unless we are legally together. So yet another blow.

Now we are deciding, do we go through a clinic and put the wedding off and start our family OR do we get married and then do the cheaper option of starting a family!?

Im really stuck. Sometimes I think that we are both too young to be having children with me being nearly 23 and the other half having just turned 20, but then you look in society and see that half the younger population have started having children.

Our other sticky situation is that we cant afford to live in our own home so we are currently living with the rent in laws. Yes they have a spare room which a few months ago they happily said they would let us have for a baby, BUT pops uses that room on the odd occasion to sleep in when he cant get comfy in his marital room. So I feel bad that ill be taking his only other place away from him.

All these thought are actually stressing me out a little. I also feel alightly pressured as tine is ticking and I kind of want my last nan to be with us when I get married and also start a family.

Time will tell I guess!!

TTFN

XXXX

The Here And The Now!!

Recently things have been a little scatty and Im not all that sure what to make of it. I keep going through phases where I am really down but trying really hard not to tell the other half as I dont want to worry her, but sadly instead I seem to be snapping at here and getting frustrated at the little things that I used to fine with. I tried telling her that these little things have started to annoy me but she seemed to have laughed it off as if I was joking so now im not all that sure about what to do. Im hoping that its just because Ive had a pretty rough few weeks with my lungs and its just washing me out. Who knows!! With regards to my lungs, I went to the doctors last week because I have started really struggling asthma and infection wise. I have been put onto some basic antibiotics for now to see if it would help but sadly it hasnt done a huge amount. My peak flow is still super lower and my oxygen levels keep dipping to around 92%. Sophie wants me to go to hospital but I really dont think I need to go yet. I am off to the doctors again later today but I dont actually think there is a lot more they can do, but I guess ive ssen someone and thats all I can do. Financially things have been a little tough for both sophie and I which has really got us worried. we have had our money drop by just under £200 a month which has meant that we have a very small amount of money each month to help us get by. Were really not sure what we are going to do. We have now applied for careers for sophie as we have calculated that she spends around 40 hours or more a week looking after me, and she does a brilliant job at it and I wouldnt be able to survive without her help. I am also having appointments with the doctors because it has come to the stage were I feel I need a little more support mobility wise. I am falling over a lot more, my legs are giving way on me and I cant physically keep hold of my crutches because my muscles keep giving way. Ive not had a verdict as of yet but im sure I will let you know. On a positive note, I have lost 2 stone in weight since I have had my surgery so I am super happy, ok yes it has been because I cant physically eat all that much, but Im still surviving, so Im clearly getting enough food going into my body. Im also moving onto more solid foods which im also super happy with as I have missed eating "normal" food. Sophie and I are also still wedding planning, it was come up to around £3009 altogether to pay for the whole wedding so we now need to start saving and buying things slowly to achieve the best day of our lives. We have also attended our first wedding fair, sadly it was rather erm CRAP so we wont be attending one there again, but it gave us a good insight into what we could do and what is on the market at the moment. Well I think I have rambled enough now so I will leave you to it!! TTFN XXXX