Not The Best

Yesterday I had an appointment to see a hip surgeon to see whether or not he qas brave enough to operate on my stupid hip. The night before i was shitting my pants as ive stopped breathing on the last 2 surgeries ive had and they struggled to bring me back so i was meantally working out whether this is a wise choice.

My other half didnt come with me as i said there was no point in her not going to her volunteering as i knew what was wrong with my hip so it was just a yes or no to surgery.

Boy was i wrong.

The consultant asked me what I knew about my hip and what i had done so i said i had a plain xray that stated i had deterioration of my femeral hip AKA AVN. I then had a plain MRI that showed nothing more so they gave me a steroid injection into my hip in theatre. This increased my pain so they done an MRI that showed I had a laberal tear in my joint. And then i got told i needed surgery and here we are.

His face dropped...and then i started to worry.

He then said he was sorry but i havnt been told the full degree or extent of my hip. He then went onto inform me that i had an inpingement. I thought thats ok, wheres the worry in that I had one in my shoulder, i still have it as i refused shoulder...i can live with that.

But that wasnt all of it...

He then went onto explain that not only do i have the other 3 problems but i also have backwards hips. In other words, they are facing the wrong way. Erm hello, why is it i am 23 and this has never been picked up on before!?

Thats not all, he then went onto explain that along with the other 4 issues, my femurs are also protruding into my pelvis.

Fuck...i just wanted to cry...but sadly he had more to tell me.

He explained that my AVN is minor at the moment so hes not all that concerned and itll be a while before that needs surgical intervention ...  amazing, finally some good news!!

WRONG!!

As i also need surgery on my backwards facing femur proturding hip. He has orgered an urgebt CT scan to see how much bone is actually in the wrong place. I will then be seeing him in 8 weeks which is September 22nd because depending on how much bone is deformed will decided on how quickly and where i have surgery. He is about 80% sure though that i will needs the specialist surgery which he cant do as its to complex for him and hes never seen it in someone of my age before. So he will be refering me to the specialist. Wait for it...who is in London. I will have to go to the other side of the UK from where i live to have surgery.

But wait, theres still more...he also told me, my left hip is identical to the right hip (which is the painful one) so very soon i will be in extreme pain with that hip too and i will need surgery on this hip also.

im gutted. Not only should this have been picked up on at birth but i will be alone on the day of my surgery unless we cam save up a hell of a lot of money to pay for my other half to be in a hotel the whole time im in hospital.

Im absolutly devested and pissed off all on one.

I dont get why the last hospital i was under didnt tell me that my hips were facing the wrong wag and that my femurs were sat in my pelvis. Why didnt they see this as an urgent thing like this consultant in Cornwall has.

I got told in april that the pain is in my head and that there was nothing wrong...yet actually there is severe problems wrong.

I potentially cant have anyone with me during my surgery. What if this time they cant actually get my breathing going again!?

I cant wait for all this medical shit to leave me alone. I want it all to stop. I dont think i cant cope with much more

TTFN

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Im Back

Im aware it has been a few days...but Im going to keep it short.

The last few days have been beyond hectic, stressful and just head hurting for me-literally.

On Thursday night, my other half had told me that both our mums were talking about me on my latest admission to hospital. Aparently the nurse who was looking after me, the respiratory consultant and the ITU consultant were all very worried. Not just because i was deteriorating with my asthma attack, but they were worried i wasnt going to be able to keep battleing on because of my muscle wasting. They said that if i were to have many more attacks like this latest one, the liklihood is i wont pull through. I just dont have the muscle strength. With my phosphate also refusing to pick up, it also means that my muscles arnt contracting in the right way so my vital organs just cant get enough oxygen. Along with this, they were worried that mentally i will keep struggling with everything thats going on so they told our mums not to tell me what they have said. My other half just couldnt keep it on on Thursdag night though. It was eating her up. And i dont blame her for telling me.

During the mddle of the night i had yet another full body allergic reaction but we have no idea what to again which is very annoying.

Friday we had to look after our nephew. His mum had an appointment which was going to be roughly an hour long so we took the pleasure in looking after him. He is such a content little boy and i really cant wait to have my own little family.

On saturday, I needed to get out the house. There was far to much negetivity and it was driving me down so we decided to take Dixie to the beach...bad move. We have now worked out that the salt wter makes Dixie violently ill. Shes done i before but it wasnt untill yesterday i actually clicked. By now though we know the drill and managed to get things under control and by today she was back to her usual self again and we even managed to give her one of the liver cakes that i made her. Dont worry, theu are dog friendly!!

Today weve literally hybernated. Ive had a migrane for the last few days and it just wouldnt shift...untill this afternoon. Praise the lord. Whilsy chilling though, in turn i have managed to finish off all the writing in our wedding invites and ive also managed to knit number 69 of the NICU hats. So im super pleased.

Well, im off to bed now. Ive planed a huge suprise for my loverly lady tomorrow and i need to be both physically and mentally strong (especially as i fell over today trying to pick up one of our rabbits)

TTFN

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