All Getting Too Much

This weekend is that last weekend we have in this home and to be honest I bloody glad.

I really feel sorry for my girlfriend, shes never lived in a home without her parents and theyve not given a flying fuck. Theyve not cared at all these last few weeks for how she feels. Bearing in mind she suffers severly with anxiety and depression.

As of today, her parents have left the house. Though they will be back as theyve left lots of shit behind. So we are here on our own untill Sunday.

Weve only had one friend who has helped us A LOT and we cant thank them enough. Whats really pissed me off is that initialy my girlfriends parents said that they will fire a van and move our stuff and their stuff. Then suddenly today they rocked up with a van and we werent allowed to put any stuff on it so im blinking glad that over the last week we have slowly been taking stuff over to our new flat.

Tonight they came back quickly to get something and then left whilst shouting bye from the bottom of the stairs. It wasnt a nice goodbye with any effection for my girlfriend at all and from past experiences at my end, when you leave tje family home its extremly upsetting and yet her parents actually i re phrase that, NONE of her family have even bothered to ask her how she is. I think its disgusting and its completly uncalled for.

Till this day aswell they are still treating us like we are five stating that we cant fill some holes in the wall from where we took our stuff down...bearing in mine 10 mo ths ago we decorate this room and had to fill in holes then...and if they think we are still children, you would think they would ask their own daughter how shes coping but no!

On a lighter note, yesterday we had our homeless officer contact us to give us an update. My doctors, ive no idea which one out of them all have finally decided to send in a medical report and the housing team have stated that we are a urgenty priority to be placed into a long term home and we have been bumped up to a B band so fingers crossed not long and we shall have our own home officially.

On a safer not though, weve only 2 more nights and one long day left with Dixie. I was sorting her stuff out earlier ready to go to the foster home abd my hesrt was breaking. I hate the fact that my girlfriends parents are being so nasty as to not have her meaning we have to put her in a home 3 hours away from us. Im gutted. I mean come on, you wouldnt purposly give up your child because of a housing situatio  so why are we being forced to give up our puppy. I hate it. Just got to pray that we get our permenant home pretty bloody soon.

Because my girlfriend is clearly breaking down, ive done a little suprise for her. Ive made a card on moonpig to welcome her to her new home with me and ive also ordered some personalised cup coasters with 4 pictures on. One big one of us 2 and the  3 little ones of Dixie so hopefully thatll cheer her up.

For now though im off as im wasting precious time with Dixie

TTFN

XXXX

Bite The Bullet

Ever getting the feeling that you have bit your tongue for three months now and when someone pisses you off over something so pathetic and trivial you just flip...well today I did.

Yesterday my partners mum was pathetic enough to moan that there was cake on the kettle and the cans had to be crushed becasue there was too many and then straight after passed a comment stating itll more than likely be her to do it as no one else round here does anything. I held my tongue with this as my lungs were really struggling.

BUT

Today when we went and put our bedding in the washing machine and we got told we were stupid for overloading the machine i had just about had enough and i flipped.

Indeed i said a lot but when your girlfriend is being made to feel like shes five, treated like shit by all her siblings and her parents, gets shouted at everytime she leaves the bedroom etc etc i could go on but my blog would be boring, all because weve not invited them to our god damn ceremony, i decided enough was enough. I dont remember exactly what i said but all i know is i mentioned something about treating my girlfriend the way the 2 blue eyes siblings were treated. Also they need to respect her like shes and adult and stop being such a bitch. Also i mentioned the stress that they are causing me was making me extremly poorly and my lungs really cant take it...

Although a lot more was said, i will stop there as on this last point, you may be just as shocked about the response i had with regards to my health:

"I dont give a shit about your health, get out of my house, your lucky i even allowed you to move in here"

Well that has hit the nail on the head. It proved my suspicions that they dont and have never liked me. They dont care that what they are doing to me could kill me and all in all they are selfish nasty pieces of work.

I and the love of my life are off to both citizens advice and hopfully the council tomorrow to state we need a home NOW.

The council bit may be difficult as 2 hours after our argument, we get told by the parents that if we went to the council theh would tell them they didnt kick us out, we walked out.

I mean not being funny, if you want us gone and have told us to go, why would you be so nasty as to say we caused it ourselves...hang on, wait, i do know: CONTROLL!! They currently have the upper hand yet again.

I wanted to cry today as they told me im lazy, speend to much time in the bedroom and do nothing around the housem

I cant physically stand at the sink doing dishes. Im in agony with my hip and cant sit downstairs as the sofa isnt supportive enough for me and their dog constantly keeps running into my legs. I also cant do the cleaning because all the products they have, have bleach in which causes me to have an asthma attack.

I feel hopless and shit. Talk about knocking me that little hit further in the ground for being a waste of a body in society!!

TTFN

XXXX

Not The Best

Yesterday I had an appointment to see a hip surgeon to see whether or not he qas brave enough to operate on my stupid hip. The night before i was shitting my pants as ive stopped breathing on the last 2 surgeries ive had and they struggled to bring me back so i was meantally working out whether this is a wise choice.

My other half didnt come with me as i said there was no point in her not going to her volunteering as i knew what was wrong with my hip so it was just a yes or no to surgery.

Boy was i wrong.

The consultant asked me what I knew about my hip and what i had done so i said i had a plain xray that stated i had deterioration of my femeral hip AKA AVN. I then had a plain MRI that showed nothing more so they gave me a steroid injection into my hip in theatre. This increased my pain so they done an MRI that showed I had a laberal tear in my joint. And then i got told i needed surgery and here we are.

His face dropped...and then i started to worry.

He then said he was sorry but i havnt been told the full degree or extent of my hip. He then went onto inform me that i had an inpingement. I thought thats ok, wheres the worry in that I had one in my shoulder, i still have it as i refused shoulder...i can live with that.

But that wasnt all of it...

He then went onto explain that not only do i have the other 3 problems but i also have backwards hips. In other words, they are facing the wrong way. Erm hello, why is it i am 23 and this has never been picked up on before!?

Thats not all, he then went onto explain that along with the other 4 issues, my femurs are also protruding into my pelvis.

Fuck...i just wanted to cry...but sadly he had more to tell me.

He explained that my AVN is minor at the moment so hes not all that concerned and itll be a while before that needs surgical intervention ...  amazing, finally some good news!!

WRONG!!

As i also need surgery on my backwards facing femur proturding hip. He has orgered an urgebt CT scan to see how much bone is actually in the wrong place. I will then be seeing him in 8 weeks which is September 22nd because depending on how much bone is deformed will decided on how quickly and where i have surgery. He is about 80% sure though that i will needs the specialist surgery which he cant do as its to complex for him and hes never seen it in someone of my age before. So he will be refering me to the specialist. Wait for it...who is in London. I will have to go to the other side of the UK from where i live to have surgery.

But wait, theres still more...he also told me, my left hip is identical to the right hip (which is the painful one) so very soon i will be in extreme pain with that hip too and i will need surgery on this hip also.

im gutted. Not only should this have been picked up on at birth but i will be alone on the day of my surgery unless we cam save up a hell of a lot of money to pay for my other half to be in a hotel the whole time im in hospital.

Im absolutly devested and pissed off all on one.

I dont get why the last hospital i was under didnt tell me that my hips were facing the wrong wag and that my femurs were sat in my pelvis. Why didnt they see this as an urgent thing like this consultant in Cornwall has.

I got told in april that the pain is in my head and that there was nothing wrong...yet actually there is severe problems wrong.

I potentially cant have anyone with me during my surgery. What if this time they cant actually get my breathing going again!?

I cant wait for all this medical shit to leave me alone. I want it all to stop. I dont think i cant cope with much more

TTFN

XXXX

Pathetic

This morning I had to take my other half to the hospital for an appointment. She had to have her braces adjusted, a few other bits tweaked with and her jaw looked at to make sure everything was going in the right direction for her surgery that shes having towards the end of the year...hopefully. Thankfully everything everything is going perfectly and the treatment really is starting to work. The sad thing is that with things being played with today, shes got lots of pain so now we have to step up the pain releif again to make sure it doesnt get out of hand. Prior to us leaving, we had a huge barny with my other halfs mum. She knew we were going out and although my partners dad only came put of hospital last night she insisted that they had to go shopping. (Even though I could have done it). Wuth us all being out the house, she asked us where we were going to be putying Dixie to which we both replied, in the kitched like we always do. She wasnt impressed with this because unfortunatly on the weekend when we were at the hospital for 6 hours Dixie chewed the table. She wanted us to put her in our bedroom to which I refused because not only is there electric at the end of the bed and to the side of the bed but I have all my drugs. Thankfully my father in law agrees that itll be far to dangerous to keep her up there. Hes not nothered that the table got chewed because as he said again today, they didnt pay for the table and they are puppies. My mother in law argued that shes not having her stuff chewed which is why they got their puppy cage trained. As a result now they are telling myself and my partner that we have to by a dog pen for dixie to go in as they dont want to risk her chewing other stuff. Ive told them if they want her in one, they can pay for it as the are roughly £50. I refuse to cage train Dixie. So may say its amazing, but the idea of licking my dog in a small cage just doesnt appeal to me, not only is it restrictive for them, but they have no fluid or anything. I also see how stressed their puppy gets. I also panic and worry because when I was 16 I was involved in a house fire. Our old family home infact and I worry that if this was to happen again now, then Dixie would be trapped with no where to run. Why would you risk it, it doesnt make sense. Thankfully, no more has been said on the subject since we got home, but im sure it will. The rest of the day has generally been ok though. Im suffering really bad with my muscles thpugh, they keep giving out on me and I cant hold me head up again. Im having to prop it up on pillows. I really wish I didnt have this muscle disease. The rest I can cope with...kind of. Well, I best be off, I have a hospital appointment for myself tomorrow. TTFN XXXX