Struggling

With another admission luming to hospital I cant help but keep getting flash backs from my last admission and previous admissions.

Ok this time there is a difference as its not an emergency and its not an asthma attack. Im going in for surgery.

Im struggling to sleep again because it seems that everytime I close my eyes im reliving the terrible times ive had and its scaring the poop out of me.

I dont know what to do, the relationship with my mum has changed because she has a new man in her life so I dont feel I can talk to her and my other half is back in her home town so I dont want to worry her when there is over 100 miles between us.

Shall I mention things to one of my link nurses when in Birmingham to see whether they can help at all or do anything or am I just being daft.

Whats also not helping is being on this silly diet and only getting about 1000 calories a day. I have no energy and just feel drained. Surely this also inst good for surgery.

Well theres my worries for now!!

Ill keep you posted for how I get on

TTFN

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One Down One To Go

Its been one week already of me being on a complete liquid diet. Three shakes a day and a bit of yoghurt. In week on I have lost 9lb in weight. Dont get me wrong I am over the moon with having lost so much weight but I an so hungry and craving just a small amoubt of food.

Last week it was really easy as I was at the other halfs house and she has been doing it with me to give me some support (though ive made her have a meal in the evening) but now that Im back home it just seems to be harder. It hasnt helped that mum has baked my fave cake, has my fave biscuits in the house and has also just purhased chocolate. You would think with her being my mum she would be a little more supportive.

I guess im just going to have to push on for that bit longer as itll effect my surgery.otherwise.

My surgery is due to happen next tuesday so not long now and fingers crossed my life could change drastically.

On another note Im super pissed off as mum has just told me her new fella (of just ONE) month is moving in. The reason this pisses me off is because she point blank refused my other half from moving in as aparently there isnt room for three. I then said to her fine ill be paying you less money then as there is three people here and she told me no I will be paying her the same amount. Ever feel that she wants me here just for money!?

TTFN

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The Start!!

As of yesterday I have two weeks and one day untill my surgery. I have to admit I am officially now starting to shit myself.

Yes ok mum is going to be there, (only just with persuation might I add) but the last time I had an operatio where they knocked me out I stopped breathing. That was before my asthma was as bad as what is is now. So yes, I can officially say im SCARED!!

Worst of all, ive told the girlfriend that she can be with me before the surgery (so now) and the time post the surgery. She really wants to go up the day im having the operation but ive refused to let her. Purely for the fact that the hospital isnt in the safest of areas and im worried about her being on her own at certain times of the day. I kind of wish she was here for the day of the surgery!!

The other bad thing about this surgery is, I cant eat food for two weeks before the operstion and for a fair few amount of weeks after. My surgeon has told me I need to have three liquid slimfasts a day and a bit of yoghurt inbetween them. I am sick of them already and yesterday was my first day.

I dont know how im going to survive.

IM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW

TTFN

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