Tuesday 17 February 2015

Hospital, Asthma And Mental Illness

Saturday 31st January 2015...at 7am i woke with a very rude awakening, yet another asthma attack. Its never nice waking up struggling to breathe, having a peak flow of 90 and sats of 81% so we got an ambulance straight away.

By the time i got to resus i was shattered. All the usual drugs were given and ICU had been contacted. They came to visit me in resus and all i remember is waking with the ICU consultant holding ny head and holding a bag and valve mask to my face as he was bagging me.
So, as you can probably guess i went to resus and was on NIV for 24 hours.

Once my gases had stabilised i begged to leave ICU because of the trauma it causes me so thankfully they got me to the ward pretty quickly. U fortunatly,the first night on the ward there was a crash call put out for me.and the resus trolly placed next to my bed. The ICU cons then rushed me for an urgent CT scan to make sure i had no clots as my gases were shocking. Thankfully i didnt but i did however have double pneumonia and some shadows on my lungs. The pneumonia had been treated and ive gotta go back when more stable to have biopses on my lungs to figure out what the shadows are.

Three days later i was getting better and my consultant wanted to see how my heart was doing as he though he could hear issues. So off i pop for the scan and guess what, i have fluid building up on my heart. Perfect. So now i need a second heart scan this sunday to see how fast it is building up.

Thursday morning I started to feel a little better and even managed to put on a film. 10 minutes in and now i have no recollection of what went on. I only know what ive been told because i went unresponsive. They think that this is a result of my asthma attack and my body being extremely exhausted. Nothing could wake me. They put stupid amounts of pressure on my chest, collar bones and eye sockets abd it didnt wake me. Aparently they also put in an oral airway and i even tolerated that. I am now sacred shitless that thisll happen with every attack i have.

My consultant has now also started me on hypertonic saline nebs to try and shift the rediculous amounts of mucus i have building up. At the moment all is going good though it is making me mouth stupidly sore.

Following all this, it has really fucked up my head and i really dont want to live anymore. So i finally managed to build up the courage to tell the staff at hospital how i felt about my suicidal intentions abd as a result ive been admitted to a secure mental health unit.

All this happened on my birthday and it sucks. What a great birthday.

I got put on level three line of sight because of the risks and my intentions to die.

The second night of my being here i really did just have enough so tide stuff around my neck. Sadly though about 5 minutes later i got caught. Needless to say im mega pissed off.

Ive also managed to get hold of things and cut up my arm aswell. All of this because of stupid PTSD abd flashbacks from ITU admissions. I really want this to end. If not the flash backs then my life...

TTFN

XXXX

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