Rock Bottom Has Hit

Following the rubbish moments from the last few days, today just tops it off.

Downstairs eating breakfast and the phone rings. We think nothing of it because it wasnt for us. My partners dad comes in saying its the council, they had been offered a house. Of course we didnt believe him because theyve been bullshitting for weeks now stating they have been offered places...untill my partners mum comes in still on the phone and it turns out this time they were actually telling the truth.

We had to go out to collect medications and to collect our thoughts about what the heck we were going to do.

On our return home, threre was post. Post from the council for me and my partner. We opened it in anticipation as it was the result from out tribunial with medical letters to make us a higher priority...BUT theyve refused us again. I mean how much worse can mental games, drug errors and self harming be and thats just a very small amount of whats going on.

To be honest we are screwed. My partners parents wont talk to us since theyve been home so we have no idea if they are actually taking this house or not.

The ironik thing is, 3 weeks ago, they refused to ring the council telling them we cant live her anymore as they couldnt cope. They didnt want to take our home away...yet behind our backs theyve been bidding on properties and now potentially making us homeless in a different way.

Weve got another 28 days to send our result to tribunial again so we are hunting for more evidence for us needing to go. I have also wrote a 2 page letter to our local MP to see if he can help.
Ive also been hunting the net for anyone else who can help and ive actually stumbled across a housing association company that specifically helps the young, disabled, frail and mental health community members with housing issues so ive emailed them our situation and im praying they can help  too.
Time shall tell

TTFN

XXXX

Deflation

I couldnt blog yesterday after my clinic appointment because I was still trying to get my head around things.

Basically, in short, the tests my respiratory and immunology consultant have ran these past 8 months have shown that I was born with an abnormal immune system. As a result, because it has been undiagnosed for so long ive now got to the point i have no immune system which explains why im getting so many infections and also taking so long for things to heel. Ive got an appointment now on the 9th September with the immunologist because they want me to have atleast a years worth of IvIg infusions which is in theory a home grown immune system put through an IV drip and pumped into my body. Ill be asking whether this can be done at home and that myself and my partner can be taught to do it as these i fusions could possible be 2 weekly and i really dont want to be driving to plymouth each time which is just under an hour away from my home.

My respiratory consultant has also explained that this problem with my immune system is whats causing me to be both anemic and also have a critically low phosphate. He also explained that it is the cause for my oxygen levels to constantly drop at night. Although this is great news to hear, there is also a frustraiting element. He wont treat any of this for the long term as they wouldnt know if the infusions are having an impact. So i have to have atletast another year of intense migraines every morning whicb im a little miffed about.

After such a stressful and brain wrenching appointment followed by more blood needing to be taken, idecided i needed crap food to eat ha. Myself and my partner know of this amazing american food place in plymouth called goodbodys so we went there. We shared a death by chocolate milkshake which was monster size and is roughly 3 pints worth of drink in one. My partner then had an american breakfast and i had twister fries with cheese and also an american pancake with ice cream and nutella. Yum. Definatly hit the spot.

Today has been yet another shit day.

We woke up and i really didnt want to get out of bed as i was hurting and my muscles were weak from driving yesterday so my girlfriend went and made breakfast for us and we had it in bed. Although staying in bed didnt last long as it turns out that when my girlfriend went down stairs her parents staryed on her again and startted slagging me off big time so i needed to get out the house. We ate, got dressed, got dixie ready and just left. I just want to cry. Ive never been made to feel so shit before, and this time it was all over a bike to which my girlfriends dad then chucked at her that she shouldnt be riding a bike anyway as itll do her lady garden no good (shes got really bad problems with allergies there) i of course have no idea why riding a bike would cause a reaction. I decided it was yet another dig at her trying her bloody hardest to try and loose weight and its disgusting.

To top today off, just as we were leaving, i was stood by my car trying to get the wasps off my door as im allergic to them and a woman comes speeding around the corner and nearly knocks me over. As a result i shook my head a sheer shock as its a 30mph zone. This woman suddenly slams on her breaks, gets out the car and staryts screaming in my face waving her fists round my face. I ofcourse wasnt bothered. If she hit me fine, ill get her arrested. Weirdly, and neitther me or my girflriend dont know why but when she was leaving she shouted at me "go and get urself a road"...funnily enough we are still confuzzled by this comment.
Thankfully there was a witness to which at the time we didnt know about but it was our neighbour up the road that saw everything so if she did hit me, atleast i would have been backed up. He was so worried that the woman was going to run me over.

Oh, one last thing, similar to last December when i had a benign tumor grow on my lip, ive now grown something very similar on the underneath of my tongue. The lump is roughly 1.5cm in width and 3cm long and it is thicker than the size of my tongue which u can imagine is a royal pain in the rear. I cant talk or eat properly now. Im desperatly trying to get hold of the maxifacial surgeon that sorted my last lump as i trust him and no how supportive and helpful he is. Will update u more on this situation as soon as i know more

TTFN

XXXX

Really!?

Ever get so pissed off you dont know how to express it or even deal with it...well thats me today.

For the past year, everything ive done jusg isnt good enough for certain people. My girlfriends parents im mainly talking about.

We decorate our bedroom in january but i got told her dad had to do it as hes better.

We braught my old rabbitt hutch to this house, before we new it as we popped out her dad had built it saying he could do it better...even though i built it first time around.

I start to build our rabbit run, he finishes it saying he was better.

I plant so flowers in the garden in pots, ever day we go down and hes taken over with them again.

Today, i sort out my girlfriend bike so she can start new challenges again. All is safe, she rode it and was comfy and all was working well. Her dad comes up to the bedroom and tells us he will be sorting it tomorrow and cleaning it as hes built bikes since the age of 13...and that doesnt make u any better than me. I too have built bikes, and cars to that fact.

Its pissing me off. Everything i do here is never good enough for them. I mean i dont actualy care how immature they are being about everything. The thing i care about is that its making me feel like shit, constantly being put downand being made to think im never good enough. Its an insult and i hate it.

Im off to be depressed now...that is if i can do that right also!?

TTFN

XXXX

Annoyance

Ever had so much pain ur restless!? I have. Today has been one of those days. Ive maxed out on all my pain releif and im still in complete agony with my hips. Thank goodness ive got my CT scan on the 1st, my hip consultant on the 22nd and then pain team in October. Hopfully then all this pain will start to be sorted out. Though im not looking forward to the surgery if and when they say it.

In other news, my lungs have also been crap today. I knew something was wrong when i had a rubbish nights sleep, mucus plugs and a husky voice.

So i check my oxygen levels and peak flow. Oxygen has been about 91% all day and peak flow is 50% down. Im not rushing to the GP though as im seei g my respiratory consultant on Wednesday so if he feels i need to step up the treatment then ill do so.

I also went to vauxhal this morning because i really need to trade in my car as my current car, although bloody amazing its simply just to small for me now.
Unfortunatly though they only had one of the style cars i want and it was about 5000 over my budget and the car i saw on the net last week went on friday. Typical.
The man was nice though and took all my details and is going to ring me as soon as one comes in stock and ill be getting first dibs on it. Im just praying that the dealer doesnt want another deposit as unless i take out a 2nd credit card i cant afford a few hundred on a deposit now.

Well, other than all this annoying stuff today, generally it has been a good day.

My mum got me the game scrabble at the weekened as we have been searching everywhere for a cheap first addition game to no luck. Me and my lady will be playing tomorrow if i can cope out of bed and ill be kicking her ass.

TTFN

XXXX

The Love Of My Life

What an amazing few days ive had...but shhhh dont tell everyone else my enjoyment may be stolen!!

Last christmas, my amazing fiance got me 2 shrek tickets for Bristol Hippodrome. Thankfully also we had recently been given a disability grant. As a result we booked 2 nights away.

On the Wednesday initially we dropped Dixie off at the kennels which we hated might i add and really didnt want to leave her. We then went via my sisters to have cuddles with the nephew and then we finally set off to Bristol.

After we checked in we went for a stroll around cribbs causeway in the hunt for baby clothes bargains as my nephew has been given lots of 3-6 months and older clothers but has about 3 0-3month clothes. Thankfully BHS had a huge sale on and we got 5 outfits for £16 which i was super pleased with. I then treated my lady to spud-u-like. Yes ok people may be like, what, you took her for a jacket potato...but its amazing. You can choose ur own filling and shes never heard of this food place before. Thankfully we both super enjoyed ourselves, so much so we tucked into a millies cookie for pudding...which the othernhalf has also never heard of or eaten before.

Thursday came and it was show time, but not before i treated my girlfriend to another food adventure shes never heard of. I took her to flavourz. Which for those who dont know its and all you can eat buffet bar which has chinese, indian, italian, english and much more all for a great price of £4.95 at lunch tim.

Shrek of course was out of this world. We both was so happy when we left. My other half has also never been to see a show in a theatre before so she was beside her self with joy. Which might i add was great to see after all the crap weve had at home lately. (We ended up buying a gingy puppet to take home for Dixie which she has already eaten off a gum drop oops ha)

Friday came and it was time to come home.

First off we went via the cemetry to visit my nan and grandad. Sadly i am the only family member that ever goes to visit them and also buy them new flowers and decorate their head stones and i was mightly pissed to see that some bastard had stolen the one whole pot of flowers that was on my grandads head stone. Filthy scumbags they are for stealing others stuff. I hate it so much and it makes me really angry.

Well, rant over and off we popped for lunch with mum and my step dad. Whilst eating away, my mum suddenly come out with "how do you feel about coming away with us easter week next year as a wedding present from us. All youll do is share the place with us and you can go off and gander for the whole time". Needless to say we were both shocked and of course said yes.

We finally got home at 8pm or just after. Half way back to Cornwall and the motorway ends up like an asda carpark so wet stopped at Exeter services and sat it out for a little while. Much comfier on the costa sofas that in a car seat.

Today was amazing also. We left to go and pick up Dixie again. The reaction.we got when shet saw us around the corner was the best ever. If youve never seen a excitable puppy, picture a springer spaniel on speed and triple it as that was what Dixie was like. And we loved it.

When we got home i settled down and made the finaly present for my sister. When we first met my nephew, i took my beastie camera with met and took a lot of photos for her. In fact 54 in total. Because im nice, i have gone out and got a black papered paperchase book and made a little portfolio of all the photos i took for her. I was going to send it in the post to suprise her just like ive sent 3 photos to my mum and nan but now that its complete it is rather large so ill be giving it to her in person on the 10th.

Other than all this excitment. The usual crap has gone on. My chest is flaring up again. My ladies parents are still be arseholes and went in our room again whilst we were away. A lock will now be put on our door when we next get paid in 2 weeks. Ggrr

Well i think thats all for now

TTFN

XXXX

Wowzers

What a few days it has been.

As youve guess it, the stress we had a few weeks ago through my other halfs parents has started back up again.

As of yesterday the was now moaning that we took OUR coffee upstairs. Yup you got it, it wasnt even their yet theyve gotten arsey over it, so kicked off.

Today we pop out to get Dixies flea abd worm treatment, we litterally step one foot through the door and we are bombarded with the fact that they have found a bungalow on cornwall housing, they went and viewed it today and have applied for it, so we could be moving in 2 weeks time.
Yay great, they get a lovely home to live in,we on the other hand become homless.

What the fuck are we going to do.

Why are they doing this to us, all along theyve said we will move first and them after to ensure no one is without a home. Then they go and do this to us.

So i distract myself from all of this and start preparing our dinner. I can only do the non dangerous prep as i cant risk doing any more. Ive hurt myself far to many times...but wait, even doing our dinner was wrong. They wanted to use the appliances we were using...yet theyve been sat on their arse doing nothing and the minute we start cooking we are now in their way. But, this isnt all, we are then being dictated to for how this meal should be cooked. Bareing in mind,theyve never cooked it and me hve the recipe book in front of us to which we are following.

I literally cant wait to get the hell out of here.

On a good note though, me.and my.other half are off to bristol for the next 3 days as we are seeing shrek in theatre. We are also flying by my sisters to have squigy cuddles with our nephew. Cute!!

TTFN

XXXX

Good vs Bad

Firstly yesterday. Bloody hell I was a right state. My partner was at the gym and i decided it would be a great idea to take our puppy for a walk. All was going well untill we got to a walkway that ran alongside a railway track. At the point of us getting to the track a steam train went by. Our puppy decided it was a great idea to try and chase it. So running as fast as she could her lead stretched as far as possible causing me to be pulled and i fell over which somehow caused her lead to unhook from her harness and she was gone. Because of my asthma and muscles disease i couldnt get to her. A well, undisabled person would of been able to chase their puppy and get them back but for me i couldnt. Plus i was super hurting from falling. At the end of the lane there was a cross roads that led to a road so i had every thought going through my head. I even had it that she had got onto the train track.

I rang the police and the wouldnt help, they told me to ring the non emergency police to which i done...once i got through they refused to help me and told me the emergency services shouldnt have told me to ring them. He told me to ring the council to get the dog warden. Once i got through to them (25minutes later) all they done was take my details just incase someone found her.

Thankfully a fellow dog walker saw me in a complete state and went hunting for her. She also gave me tasks to do whilst i stayed put just incase our puppy came back. I put a shout out on fb, i also rang to local radion and they also done a shout out for us and we rang around the local vets.

2 hours later i had a missed call and a man slowly drove past me asking for a street. That street being where i lived and as soon as i started talking, my voice must of been recognised as next thing i know my puppy jumped up in the back of his carmand went mental for me. (I didnt see her straight away as i was on the floor). The extremely kind man found her about a mile away looking like she was running away from something. I hate to think what was going through her head. As all i know is i was stressed, devestated and in a right straight. Its like a part of my heart had been taken out. Once home and since yesterday, our puppy has been super clingy and wont be in a room on her own so is following us everywhere.

Thanks to the pure kidness of some local people, we have our little pup back but i still keep thinking of the worse...

In good news though, i had a letter through the post today, and i was dreading it as there was a stamp on the front from the muscular dystrophy campaign.

I opened it up think the worst and that they wouldnt consider my application for a grant to get a mobility scooter because of the lack of evidence BUT they stated that theyve reviewed me as an emergency case and have granted me the top amount of £1000 to get the scooter that i had qouted for me as it was made specificly for me. All i need now is to get a further grant of £249 and the scooter have been paid in full so if anyone knows of a great charity that would be able to help me then please let me know...who knows, having this scooter could of prevented me from falling yesterday meaning our puppy wouldnt have gone missing

TTFN

XXXX

Annoyance Yet Happified

Random title dont you think!? Well all is about to be explained...

Ive not blogged in a little while because ive been struggling to get my head around a few things and ive done my usual trick. Ive bottled it all up.

Continuing from my crappy chest,  it turns out from my stutum results i have a fungus infection. Im going to send another sample tomorrow to see what the exact treatment can be as i dont want any old tablet chucked my way.

On Thursday, my sister got taken to the maternity section of hospital because she hadnt felt her baby move in atleast a day. Whilst there they decided to do a sweep and had said if labor hadnt started by the Friday they would have to induce. Guess what, it hadnt started. At 1030am she got give the pessary to start off her contractions. By 2pm she was already 2cm dialated and by 5pm she was 7cm. The midwife called the delivery unit to get hee moved over, and by the time she got round there she was fully dialated but got told she had to wait to hold off pushing as they hadnt nothing ready for her. Sadly she had to be cut and needed stitches after the delivery, but thankfully she delivered a very healthy little boy named Zak and he weight 8lb 7oz the little chubster. As you can imagine ive spent a small fortune on the little dude. We already gave a small box to my sister in july which cost around £30 in clothes and my and my girlfriend have filled another box of which in total there are 46 presents but half of that are wrapped with multiple items. We also got Zaks brother and sister from a previous partnership a present and card as we didnt want them to feel left out and start getting jealous. Well, we are off to met the little man tomorrow and im uber excited.

In other news...more has kicked off woth regards to my other halfs parents.

My girlfriend had made another cake for a client over the weekend and we took some pictures for her page. This resulted in us turning on the pc which it hasnt been on since the 27th july which was when i last used it.

When my other half switch it on, the start up screen had been changed and the name of the user had been ultered...which has meant that my other halfs parents have been in our room and snooped through our stuff whilst we havnt been here. Im fuming as theyve no right to be in our room whith out asking and they certainly have no right to be on my pc. Theres nothing on there for them and its not even their daughters.

I know it might seem pathetic, but because we are at my sisters all tomorrow, i am going to be sticking a small piece of cellotape to the top right side of the door tomorrow and ill know then if theyve been in our room. Like ive said, tomorrow they have no need to be in here.

So, like my title says, its a tale of two stories.

TTFN

XXXX

Flashbacks, Nightmares And PTSD

Ever had the feeling you were dying, of that you didnt belong, or simply just that you wanted to give up!? Ive suffered these and to this day and far into the future I will continue to suffer these problems. Sadly over the past three or four days ive been having the worst nightmares, flash backs and my PTSD is really flaring up. The one image I keep reliving is one from when I lived on my own in Clevedon. I had wrote about this story before but it was a long time ago so im hoping that maybe talking about it again may lay the history to rest and that little cabinate in my head can lock the memory away. It was roughly 3AM. My lungs were giving me hell again, but it wasnt severe. As a result I rang the good old 111 in the hope to get a doctor out to me or be able to see the doctor at his location. I had an alert on my address and name to which the nurse in the phone had picked up on and told me I was being put through as a priority instantly. Perfect. 5 minutes later and I had the doctor on the phone. As he was worried he told me he was going to send the on call doc that was free and closest to me. He told me the doc would be with me in no later than half an hour. Grand. Three hours later, the doc hadnt turned up and my landline phone couldnt dial out. The last person to phone me hadnt hung up properly at their end. Where I use to live there was also no mobile signal. Unfortunately, by this time I was no struggling really bad. My thoughts of getting the on call doc to me sooner to prevent and admission had failed because they didnt turn up. I remember pressing the emergency system I had set up on my phone and that roughly it for the next few minutes. The next thing I know, there are 4 paramedics and 2 police officers standing around me in my bedroom. My front door had been smashed in by the police. Aparently the paramedics had been ringing the bell but was clearly getting no answer as I was out cold. The paramedics were panicking. The couldnt get a line in so they told me the put oxygen and nebulisers on me as my oxygen levels were 82%. They then had to give me IM adrenaline, hydrocortisone and clorophenamine hust incase my attack was triggered by an allergen which they could work out as I was unresponsive. I then got taken in the ambulance and rushed on blues and twos into resus where thankfully I was a little better but had be labelled "status asthmaticus". Id never heard this befor, and it wasnt till I was in ITU that it had been explained to me. Dont get me wrong, I thank my lucky stars I survived this attack. Many recent events have shown me life is great, people care and I am loved. Its just somedays, like yesterday where I was in bed all day because my legs didnt want to work, where I wish my life had ended that night. There must of been a reason why god decided to not give me the help I needed by that doctor, but for him to then send all those medics did he realise he done wrong?! Had he realised he made a mistake!? From this I can only pressume I survived this attack like all my others (over 60 now) because something or someone was out there for me... ...I believe this to be my girlfriend. TTFN XXXX

Bite The Bullet

Ever getting the feeling that you have bit your tongue for three months now and when someone pisses you off over something so pathetic and trivial you just flip...well today I did.

Yesterday my partners mum was pathetic enough to moan that there was cake on the kettle and the cans had to be crushed becasue there was too many and then straight after passed a comment stating itll more than likely be her to do it as no one else round here does anything. I held my tongue with this as my lungs were really struggling.

BUT

Today when we went and put our bedding in the washing machine and we got told we were stupid for overloading the machine i had just about had enough and i flipped.

Indeed i said a lot but when your girlfriend is being made to feel like shes five, treated like shit by all her siblings and her parents, gets shouted at everytime she leaves the bedroom etc etc i could go on but my blog would be boring, all because weve not invited them to our god damn ceremony, i decided enough was enough. I dont remember exactly what i said but all i know is i mentioned something about treating my girlfriend the way the 2 blue eyes siblings were treated. Also they need to respect her like shes and adult and stop being such a bitch. Also i mentioned the stress that they are causing me was making me extremly poorly and my lungs really cant take it...

Although a lot more was said, i will stop there as on this last point, you may be just as shocked about the response i had with regards to my health:

"I dont give a shit about your health, get out of my house, your lucky i even allowed you to move in here"

Well that has hit the nail on the head. It proved my suspicions that they dont and have never liked me. They dont care that what they are doing to me could kill me and all in all they are selfish nasty pieces of work.

I and the love of my life are off to both citizens advice and hopfully the council tomorrow to state we need a home NOW.

The council bit may be difficult as 2 hours after our argument, we get told by the parents that if we went to the council theh would tell them they didnt kick us out, we walked out.

I mean not being funny, if you want us gone and have told us to go, why would you be so nasty as to say we caused it ourselves...hang on, wait, i do know: CONTROLL!! They currently have the upper hand yet again.

I wanted to cry today as they told me im lazy, speend to much time in the bedroom and do nothing around the housem

I cant physically stand at the sink doing dishes. Im in agony with my hip and cant sit downstairs as the sofa isnt supportive enough for me and their dog constantly keeps running into my legs. I also cant do the cleaning because all the products they have, have bleach in which causes me to have an asthma attack.

I feel hopless and shit. Talk about knocking me that little hit further in the ground for being a waste of a body in society!!

TTFN

XXXX