Stress Stress Stress

Round two of my eye movemwnt therapy for my PTSD was on Monday. Prior to arriving i was actually shitting myself, i really didnt want to go purly because last week after my last session was hell. I felt shit, wanted to commit suicide and just felt rubbish, so you can see why i didnt want this week to happen.

Well the session itself was a pretty bad one and i could actually only do half an hour as a result and the therapist knew it was bad with how things went.

After the session we went shopping and i went home and slept just as i was told to as i dint want any bad effect because of not doing what i was told. Unfortunatly though, it wasnt untill about 9pm that things started going really bad again. Thankfully i had an amazing friend at the end of the phone i could text as i didnt want to worry my wife. I felt so weird though. I didnt feel like my body was my own. I was shaky. Jittery and beyond scared. I ended up having to taken more morphine than usual to try and calm my system down. It knocked me to sleep as you can imagine and thankfully by the time i woke the next day things had been a little more easier to cope with.

I think once my surgery is over next week things may get a little easier for me.

On Tuesday my wife went to the doctors for a bloody test. Im not going to tempt fate but the result should be in today. Weve rung aleady but sadly they arnt back as of yet so we are going to have to ring tomorrow.

On wednesday I felt like we needed to do something for ourselves and to help others. Im going through a huge phase of wanting to help others so i signed myself and my wife up to foster poorly and abandoned dogs. Today we had a suprise phone call from a homechecker as we had passed the first stage and she wanted to come out and visit us today. Well that check has just been completed and we have passed. Yay!! Heres to helping more lost pooches.

Well ill probably not be blogging untill after my surgery now so hope you all have a gokd weekend.

TTFN

XXXX

2015

So it seems i am 10 days late in wishing everyone a happy new year but we have a good excuse.

On the 23rd of December, my beautiful wife and myself finally got the keys to a lovely flat. One that we can call home.
Thanks to kind and generous people, we have been able to get a man with a van to move all our kit from our temporary home to our new flat and we have also been able to decorate 3 rooms with just the hallway to go. We are not doing the bathroom as i have contacted social services to have a wet room put in.

On Christmas day we also got our beautiful Dixie back and spent christmas with my family. With it being my nephews first christmas it was absolutly fantastic. Really loved it. But had to come back on boxing day to get this new flat suiteable for us to live in.

As a new found family, we celebrated new years together in our new home which was lush. We all had a yummy duck roast, including Dixie. Although hers was her dog meat. Lets just say it turns out she loves a good roast.

In December too, we had been given three donations from a lovely sperm donor that we have me. Since this, my wife hasnt as of yet had a period. As of today she is now 14 days late. We have done a test but it is saying negetive so we have contacted the doctor and he has told us that unfortunatly for many women they dont produce enough hormone to activate a home test so we have to wait another 2 weeks to see if she misses another period. If she doens then we have to go back to the doctors for a blood test. Really hope thag we are pregnant. This will be a dream come true. I really want to be a mum.

This month also i have been given a diagnosis for my Primary Immune Deficiency. I have hypogammaglobulinaemia. Yes it is a real word. Pretty spectacular. Hopefully though with having a diagnosis and a treatment we can finally get things under control.

I have also been give a date for my hip surgery and i am being admitted on the 27th January to have it done. Lets just say i am shittong myself. Mainly because the aneasthetist i saw was such a twat in that he wouldnt listen to me about my reaction to Generals and that i stop breathing. I am meant to be having a spinal but i actually have no idea what is going on anymore.

Sadly also i have yet another infection. I waited 3 days trying to sort things out on my own but i was just getting worse and worse. By the time i went to the doctors, half of my right lung wasnt working and the base of my left lung wasnt working. My peak flow was shocking and i generally felt like crap. So im on antibiotics and high steroids again for both the infection and pleurisy that i have. Lets hope i can shift it before my surgery.

Well i am exhausted so off to take a nap.

Hope everyone had a great new year and that 2015 brings you everything you want

TTFN

XXXX

Past & Present

0530 we were up today, and in a way, blinking good job as I was having a full blown allergic reaction. When will my body give me a rest!? Once all the morning duties were done we had to set off for Bridgwater. I have finally emptied my storage unit after having all my possessions locked away for over two years. Admittedly it was really hard, especially as I had my other half with me and she was finally seeing photos of me and my ex. As soon as I found anything from her, I tor it up, smashed it and put it in the bin. I want nothing more to do with her. She has (or shall I say had) ruined a fair chunk of my life and I wasnt going to allow her to continue that. And honestly, it felt good doing it. It felt as though a chapter has finally been closed and I can officially move on with the most amazing lady in my life. After finally getting home at 1400 we quickly rammed some food down our necks, fussed with the pup and put the rabbits in the run and cracked on with sorting through more of my kit. I finally had to call it quits at 1700 though. My lungs have had enough and I could no longer breath. Thankfully my other half realised how much I was struggling and how much I was coughing with a very high pitched wheeze that she rushed to get my nebs and I sat with them for a little while. Sadly though I am still very twitchy. Im praying that itll shift as next Saturday im meant to be doing the photography for our friends sons naming ceremony and I really dont want to let any if them down. Well for now, Im shattered, bruised and irritated so im going to nod off TTFN XXXX

My Thoughts For The Day!!

Ive been sat here all day as my lungs have been really rubbish abd my new GP seems to be the worlds biggest waste of space and basically told me if I get worse go to the hospital, dont think he realises I would like to be home this christmas...

So with being sat here, my mind has been giving me every worrying thought possible again (yes of course this has been increase by my yet another increase of steroids). My thoughts at the moment are going back to the lump I had in my mouth and my recent biopsy. I get my results on the 6th January so yes I dont havt long to wait, but its still long enough to have everything do through your head.

I keep thinking the worse. Do I have cancer!? What treatment will I need!? Was it just a random growth that wont need any treatment at all!? These are just the three main things im thinking of.

I just wish the 6th January could come around quicker. Would do me the world of good!!

TTFN

XXXX