Stress Stress Stress

Round two of my eye movemwnt therapy for my PTSD was on Monday. Prior to arriving i was actually shitting myself, i really didnt want to go purly because last week after my last session was hell. I felt shit, wanted to commit suicide and just felt rubbish, so you can see why i didnt want this week to happen.

Well the session itself was a pretty bad one and i could actually only do half an hour as a result and the therapist knew it was bad with how things went.

After the session we went shopping and i went home and slept just as i was told to as i dint want any bad effect because of not doing what i was told. Unfortunatly though, it wasnt untill about 9pm that things started going really bad again. Thankfully i had an amazing friend at the end of the phone i could text as i didnt want to worry my wife. I felt so weird though. I didnt feel like my body was my own. I was shaky. Jittery and beyond scared. I ended up having to taken more morphine than usual to try and calm my system down. It knocked me to sleep as you can imagine and thankfully by the time i woke the next day things had been a little more easier to cope with.

I think once my surgery is over next week things may get a little easier for me.

On Tuesday my wife went to the doctors for a bloody test. Im not going to tempt fate but the result should be in today. Weve rung aleady but sadly they arnt back as of yet so we are going to have to ring tomorrow.

On wednesday I felt like we needed to do something for ourselves and to help others. Im going through a huge phase of wanting to help others so i signed myself and my wife up to foster poorly and abandoned dogs. Today we had a suprise phone call from a homechecker as we had passed the first stage and she wanted to come out and visit us today. Well that check has just been completed and we have passed. Yay!! Heres to helping more lost pooches.

Well ill probably not be blogging untill after my surgery now so hope you all have a gokd weekend.

TTFN

XXXX

2015

So it seems i am 10 days late in wishing everyone a happy new year but we have a good excuse.

On the 23rd of December, my beautiful wife and myself finally got the keys to a lovely flat. One that we can call home.
Thanks to kind and generous people, we have been able to get a man with a van to move all our kit from our temporary home to our new flat and we have also been able to decorate 3 rooms with just the hallway to go. We are not doing the bathroom as i have contacted social services to have a wet room put in.

On Christmas day we also got our beautiful Dixie back and spent christmas with my family. With it being my nephews first christmas it was absolutly fantastic. Really loved it. But had to come back on boxing day to get this new flat suiteable for us to live in.

As a new found family, we celebrated new years together in our new home which was lush. We all had a yummy duck roast, including Dixie. Although hers was her dog meat. Lets just say it turns out she loves a good roast.

In December too, we had been given three donations from a lovely sperm donor that we have me. Since this, my wife hasnt as of yet had a period. As of today she is now 14 days late. We have done a test but it is saying negetive so we have contacted the doctor and he has told us that unfortunatly for many women they dont produce enough hormone to activate a home test so we have to wait another 2 weeks to see if she misses another period. If she doens then we have to go back to the doctors for a blood test. Really hope thag we are pregnant. This will be a dream come true. I really want to be a mum.

This month also i have been given a diagnosis for my Primary Immune Deficiency. I have hypogammaglobulinaemia. Yes it is a real word. Pretty spectacular. Hopefully though with having a diagnosis and a treatment we can finally get things under control.

I have also been give a date for my hip surgery and i am being admitted on the 27th January to have it done. Lets just say i am shittong myself. Mainly because the aneasthetist i saw was such a twat in that he wouldnt listen to me about my reaction to Generals and that i stop breathing. I am meant to be having a spinal but i actually have no idea what is going on anymore.

Sadly also i have yet another infection. I waited 3 days trying to sort things out on my own but i was just getting worse and worse. By the time i went to the doctors, half of my right lung wasnt working and the base of my left lung wasnt working. My peak flow was shocking and i generally felt like crap. So im on antibiotics and high steroids again for both the infection and pleurisy that i have. Lets hope i can shift it before my surgery.

Well i am exhausted so off to take a nap.

Hope everyone had a great new year and that 2015 brings you everything you want

TTFN

XXXX

Mixed Emotions.

This week has literally been all over the place for me and my wife but as usual, we are getting through it. First off, our donor has been helping us. We found a new donor to help us have a child. He lives in Cambridge and has a girlfriend but sadly she has a fatal geart condition so could never carry a child. He doesnt want to be involved physically but just wants updates. We are happy with that and at the end if the day, we have stated that for us to choose whether our child knows their father before they are even born is completly unfair. We are choosing their life, yet they should choose their path. So far we have had three donations and fingers crossed a few more as the week goes by. The next bit of craziness is that we had to find another foster family for Dixie because after we have her for two weeks over christmas, her currently family could no longer have her. We found two lovely people around the corner from us, but sadly on Monday, they to got made homeless by the council so it all fell through This week though, I have said some weird stuff to my wife. Firstly being that I told her I wasnt renewing our post redirection for her mums address as I have a really funny feeling we are going to get offered our permenant home. Then when the foster situation fell through I then said to my wife (this being a different day) im not going to put out a new add for a foster family for her as I have a funny feeling we are bringing her back to live with us in January. Today, at 11:15 am I got a phone call. Its the council. We have been allocated a house. We are viewing it tomorrow at 10:30 am and if it is suitable, we will get the keys by monday hopefully. Now come on, these weirdfeeling I had, something cant be right there surly. How did I know!? In other positive news, I had a big medical supplys delivery today... and our first home visit assessment to see if we can cope doing my infusions at home. Guess what, we aced that too. And again she went on about how amazed at how fast we have picked up on this and that we have been the fastest out of the 70 patients on her clinic list. She also caught eye of all my knitting and was amazed and impressed with that too. So, all in all so far this week has been fantastic. Can you all keep your fingers crossed for the new home and positive tests for next week. In the mean time, I am fighting yet more issues with my lungs. Sky high temp, low sats and peak flow and a wheezy chest. Perfect. Life goes on though. TTFN XXXX

Beating Statistics

Well first i would like to talk about my title in that myself and my Mrs has beating statistics at Derriford Hospital Immunology clinic. Aparently a person is meant to take 6 weeks to be trained how to do self injection of Sub Cut IgG treatmemt, myself and the lady on the other hand have learnt it in 3 weeks and as of next week we wills be at home doing it ourselves. I am soooo overly happy with this is as it means theres no worries about missing doses over christmas because of needing to be in Bristol to make sure that Dixie is having to be put up for adoption.
Im still amazed at how quickly we have picked it up, i mean i know its not hard drawing up a blood product, attaching it to a pump, stabbing my belly and pressing go but to some people it obviously takes a little longer.

In other news, last night and i guess still aparet of me today is feeling a little down in the baby department. I really want to expand on our family. Weve been trying now for nearly a year to have a baby and we seem to be getting know where. Im also feeling crap in that i want to be able to be a real mum. Not just one on the birth certificate of my wifes child. I want a child that was created by me. One that i habe carried myself. One that has grown within me. Its just not going to happen,not in the direct near future anyway because of my health and drugs.

Why cant life be fair. Equal. Easy!?

TTFN

XXXX

The End Is Near

The title for my post today is very relevant to a number of things, firstly, the end to this year. This year has not only been fantastic because we got Dixie, but because we got married, my wife turned 21, we have met our potential sperm donor, we have moved into our own home, we have a new nephew, ive started a new treatment and so far, this is the first year ive only landed in ITU once. The second thing that is nearing to an end is, from what it seems, the weekly trips to plymouth hospital being taught my subcut Ig infusions. Myself and my wife have pucked up and remembered the whole routine in just one session so now we are literally just reasuring ourselves and also keeping an eye on the headaches I am getting following these treatments each week. My link nurse seems to think though that shell be doing a home visit by christmas and then we will only need to go to clinic for follow ups. The third thing coming to an end this year is Dixie being in foster. Weight, dont get excited just yet as no we havnt been given a permenant home. Just sadly the lady who was fostering whilst her husband works away so that she g ad company can no longer foster because her husband is no longer working away and he wNts to decorate the house. We aremanaging to stay at my dads from christmas day untill the 6th of January but then we are stuck, we have nowhere for Dixie to go. I refuse to get rid of her. This year has literally been full of emotions being both positive and negetive. A lot of how the year has turned out has been utter crap, but it seems that no matter what is thrown at us, we have managed to pick ourselves up, carry on and see the lighter sideof things. To top of this year, I got gi en my mobity scooter. Ive been on it fir about 10 minutes at a time so far untill this week. This week has shown new beginnings, opportunities and prospect because myself and my wife were able to go for a stroll down the camel trail for 3 hours and although I was tired it was purly through fresh air and chest infection instead of the usual muscle weakness and breThlessness. I really cant bieve how so much can go on in just one persons life. May e I should write a book...though dont hold me to that as the chances of me following it through are as high a chance of me doing a skydive jump. TTFN XXXX

Suprises

Nearly three years ago now I turned 21. Most people remember this birthday as a special one with great memories and events. For me it was crap just like the last ten birthdays I have had.for me this one was rubbish for a new reason,I was in hospital up until the day before,I had a photo shoot booked for my actual birthday but I was extremly exhausted and looked like shit, and worst of all my then step dad had told his kids that him and my mum had recently got engaged. The cried, screamed and made a point if ruining my day. With how ny birthdays have gone, I made a promise to myself, and that was that anyone new who enters into my life would get treated amazingly on their birthdays and this year, it was my wifes 21st bithday, november 25th to be exact. From my previous blog you can see that on the 23rd I got her a guinea pig, yes nearly a week on we do finally have a name, it being Heidi. My other half loves her and it has helped give her a great daily focus and a new meaning to get out if bed in the morning, other than to just help me. On Tuesday I had a huge suprise for her also. During the day her parents took us for mcdonalds (which has upset me as they forgot it was her 21st and it seemed like they really didnt give a damn). At 5pm we started getting ready, all the usual questions kept being asked like where we going, what we doing, what do I need to wear. Of course I only let onto the clothes she needed lol. We then left at about 6ish to head to our destination. Jamie olivers fifteen resturaunt. She absolutly loved it. She had never been anywhere like this or ever had so much money spent on her. In my eyes though she deserves it. She does so much for me daily, she deserves to have something for her. So we dined in expensiveness and had moctales because we are so classy ha. At the end of the meal, because I prebooked and told them it was a big occassion, my lovely lady had 12 perposly baked cupcakes made for here and displayed on a wooden voard with chocolate sauce wrote on the board saying happy birthday. They also put canels in the cupcakes too. They treated us both so well, its hard to believe there are still amazing people and atmospheres out there. On wednesday, going a bit cheaper this time, I then took her to the cinema to watch the new hunger games film. Well, for me to as im addicted to it. We bith loved it and cant wait for the second part to be released. To top off the week, our new future sperm donor also rang to chat in person and he seems like such a nice cating person. I just really hope this means that soon, we could have child. Not only this but, my dad has agreed for me and the other half to let us stay with him for two weeks over christmas so that we could have Dixie. Like I say, this week has just been full of suprises. TTFN XXXX

My Life In A Nutshell

MONDAY 2ND JULY 2012.

Dont worry, im not expecting you to know why this date is of any significant value to anyone as it doesnt have one. This date though is the last time i blogged about my medication. The treatment that keeps me going. In 2012 i was with consultants that really wanted to start from scratch. Reduce nearly all my meds and find out the best ones from me. That didnt happen. Instead, they started adding more in.

Today things are worse than before.

During a 24 hour period i take on average 64 tablets a day, 16 nebulisers minimum. A salbutamol inhaler. A nasal spray. A tablet inhaler twice a day. A TENS machine, morphine patch. Supplements and im also now on sub cut IgG infusions of 60mls a week.

I wish my life was counting other things instead of drugs, oxygen reading, pulse reading and peak flow reading.

I guess being in the UK i am extremely lucky, my medications get funded by the NHS and the government. I really feel for those in other countries that have to pay for their treatments and its in the thousands. If their insurance wont cover it, how does the government expect them to get the vital medication they need!?

I know one things for sure, if i didnt have this list of medications, i would be dead. If any asthmatic didnt have one single inhaler, they would be dead.

Asthma needs to be more recognised. I have been doing this blog now for near on 2 years and in those 2 years. Ive literallt have my blog viewed thousands of time. I just pray that just 10 of those thousands of people have gained a little more knowledge into the life of an asthmatic. That they can see its not just a few puffs of a blue inhaler. Its time consuming, mind and bodily draining, its demanding and most of all its life threatening.

Asthma needs a cure, can you help find it!?

_____

On a different note, depression, this also is very life threatening and not enough people know about it. This week, Tuesday infact is my wifes 21st birthday and suffers from severe depression. With our housing situation this has meant that things have been getting worse again. I didnt know what to do, how to help her so,i gave her an early birthday present that she can focus on, and give a purpose of living for. I got her a guinea pig. We still dont have a name for her but she is 9 weeks old and such a character. Today is her first day with us and in ta time, she has climbed the curtain 3 times and climbed up the inside of my trouser leg twice. Shes blinking fast thats for sure

Well, i better be off, i have those drugs to go take so i can make it through the night as i am currently suffering yet another chest infection.

TTFN
XXXX

Here is a visual look into my medications and below is our latest family member, the nameless guinespig class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">

New Beginnings

Before I go onto the main subject of the post i thought i would share with you all that last monday i finally got that lump that was growing pretty quickly in my mouth removed. I had to have surgery to have this done and i was awake throughout it all. It was not nice at all but its gone so im please. Sadly though because the surgeon had to remove soooo much tissue because of the size of the lump, there then wasnt enough tissue left to stitch the two sides together so i now have a huge lump in the floor of my mouth. Its weird as i can stick my tongue in it lol.

On other notes though, and back to the title, as of 1330 pm on Thursday 13th November,my self and my girlfriend offically became married. It was absoulty amazing and everythibg went as planned. I was so please and happy.

We stayed in a 4 star hotel for 4 nices and blinking heck we wasnt use to it. It was so strange saying can you add the meal to our tab etc instead of paying straight away. Weve decided though that we must go back. The treatment there was amazing and we went swimming aswell as it was all included in the price.

Our next big suprise is my wifes 21st birthday. All her presents are wrapped and ready, Now we just need the big day to arrive.

TTFN

XXXX

Suprises!!

I know its super early for a blog but I figured I would use the clocks going back to my advantage. The lovely lady is still asleep and this blog is about her and I cant risk her seeing it!!

A few weeks ago my other half had said whilst watching Janie Olivers fifteen minute meals that she would love to go to his resturaunt as shes heard its amazing and top quality food. (I agreed as ive been to one). She said "if only we could afford it for my 21st Birthday". Told her that unfortunatly that more than likely wouldnt be possible simply because it cost so much and we can nooooo way afford it.

Hehe

Well, a few days ago I have just made it happen.

I got in contact with the reservations team through email (as when your other half is with you 24/7 because they look after you, it makes ringing very difficul) and they have been amazing.

They told me of everything that was available and what I could do.

Sooo, on the 25th of Novemember (which is her actual birthday) we have a table book at the Cornwall resturaunt for 7pm. as I told her it was for her 21st birthday, they said that on their plates during pudding etc and other little occasions, they will write birthday messages to her from the chefs. (Amazing!!!!!). Ive also had it arranged that they will be baking 12 cupcakes that will be displayed on a lush cake stand and brought over to our table at the end of the meal hehe.

They are amazing there. They have gone all out and really made her Birthday seem that little bit amazing.

Now all I have to do is try and keep it a secret for another 30 days else itll all be ruined.

TTFN

XXXX