Mixed Emotions.

This week has literally been all over the place for me and my wife but as usual, we are getting through it. First off, our donor has been helping us. We found a new donor to help us have a child. He lives in Cambridge and has a girlfriend but sadly she has a fatal geart condition so could never carry a child. He doesnt want to be involved physically but just wants updates. We are happy with that and at the end if the day, we have stated that for us to choose whether our child knows their father before they are even born is completly unfair. We are choosing their life, yet they should choose their path. So far we have had three donations and fingers crossed a few more as the week goes by. The next bit of craziness is that we had to find another foster family for Dixie because after we have her for two weeks over christmas, her currently family could no longer have her. We found two lovely people around the corner from us, but sadly on Monday, they to got made homeless by the council so it all fell through This week though, I have said some weird stuff to my wife. Firstly being that I told her I wasnt renewing our post redirection for her mums address as I have a really funny feeling we are going to get offered our permenant home. Then when the foster situation fell through I then said to my wife (this being a different day) im not going to put out a new add for a foster family for her as I have a funny feeling we are bringing her back to live with us in January. Today, at 11:15 am I got a phone call. Its the council. We have been allocated a house. We are viewing it tomorrow at 10:30 am and if it is suitable, we will get the keys by monday hopefully. Now come on, these weirdfeeling I had, something cant be right there surly. How did I know!? In other positive news, I had a big medical supplys delivery today... and our first home visit assessment to see if we can cope doing my infusions at home. Guess what, we aced that too. And again she went on about how amazed at how fast we have picked up on this and that we have been the fastest out of the 70 patients on her clinic list. She also caught eye of all my knitting and was amazed and impressed with that too. So, all in all so far this week has been fantastic. Can you all keep your fingers crossed for the new home and positive tests for next week. In the mean time, I am fighting yet more issues with my lungs. Sky high temp, low sats and peak flow and a wheezy chest. Perfect. Life goes on though. TTFN XXXX

My Last Hope

Since being told in January that there was nothing left for me, nothing left trestment wise to help my asthma i was preparing for each year that went by for ny life to get worse. My lungs to get worse. Thankfully ive been given a lifeline. I change my local consultant when i move to Cornwall and they have done tests that show i have PID which is primary immune deficiency. As i have this, they have said this is the reason to which i am getting around 15 infections there abouts a year which is not only causing my asthma to flare but also my lung function to permenantly be done and ive now built up huge amounts of irreversable scar tissue in and around my lungs. It suck. The worst thing about it all is this could have been solved years ago. I first had this picked uo 4 years ago but was told there was no treatment when in fact therevwas and there still is. Im just so glad I moved to Cornwall as it now means ive been given hope. So my new treatment IgG transfusion. Its pretty technical stuff and again as I said before, without wonderful blood donors, my life wouldnt be able to have this. Each 20ml of my treatment is a few thousands worth of donors bloods and each week I will be recieving 60ml and that is for the next year alone. If the treatment shows improvement I will be staying on this untill they find an alternative. This could be life. For my first ever treatment, me and my wife watched the nurses set everything up and put the needle in my belly. Next week though its our turn. We will be taking a hands on aproach so that the quicker we learn how to set up the pumps and do everything in a safe manor, the quicker I wont have to keep coming to derriford hospital. Each infusion takes an hour to go through. I can only have a maximum of 20mls through each pump at a time into that specific area of my tummy to prevent damage. Yes it take a long time to go through but once its running, youre free to do what you like, well withing reason. On this occasion, I did have a reaction to the blood product but this was to be expected as it was a foreign body being placed into the skin surface of my belly. Today it is still pretty red, sore and bruised but itll settle. Im just praying this is the miracle treatment that could give me some form of life back. Im not banking on my life to be exactly the same as 5 years ago as thats impossible, I have far to much damage, but even if im semi there I will be impressed. Here is a picture of my treatment

TTFN XXXX

New Beginnings

Before I go onto the main subject of the post i thought i would share with you all that last monday i finally got that lump that was growing pretty quickly in my mouth removed. I had to have surgery to have this done and i was awake throughout it all. It was not nice at all but its gone so im please. Sadly though because the surgeon had to remove soooo much tissue because of the size of the lump, there then wasnt enough tissue left to stitch the two sides together so i now have a huge lump in the floor of my mouth. Its weird as i can stick my tongue in it lol.

On other notes though, and back to the title, as of 1330 pm on Thursday 13th November,my self and my girlfriend offically became married. It was absoulty amazing and everythibg went as planned. I was so please and happy.

We stayed in a 4 star hotel for 4 nices and blinking heck we wasnt use to it. It was so strange saying can you add the meal to our tab etc instead of paying straight away. Weve decided though that we must go back. The treatment there was amazing and we went swimming aswell as it was all included in the price.

Our next big suprise is my wifes 21st birthday. All her presents are wrapped and ready, Now we just need the big day to arrive.

TTFN

XXXX

Suprises!!

I know its super early for a blog but I figured I would use the clocks going back to my advantage. The lovely lady is still asleep and this blog is about her and I cant risk her seeing it!!

A few weeks ago my other half had said whilst watching Janie Olivers fifteen minute meals that she would love to go to his resturaunt as shes heard its amazing and top quality food. (I agreed as ive been to one). She said "if only we could afford it for my 21st Birthday". Told her that unfortunatly that more than likely wouldnt be possible simply because it cost so much and we can nooooo way afford it.

Hehe

Well, a few days ago I have just made it happen.

I got in contact with the reservations team through email (as when your other half is with you 24/7 because they look after you, it makes ringing very difficul) and they have been amazing.

They told me of everything that was available and what I could do.

Sooo, on the 25th of Novemember (which is her actual birthday) we have a table book at the Cornwall resturaunt for 7pm. as I told her it was for her 21st birthday, they said that on their plates during pudding etc and other little occasions, they will write birthday messages to her from the chefs. (Amazing!!!!!). Ive also had it arranged that they will be baking 12 cupcakes that will be displayed on a lush cake stand and brought over to our table at the end of the meal hehe.

They are amazing there. They have gone all out and really made her Birthday seem that little bit amazing.

Now all I have to do is try and keep it a secret for another 30 days else itll all be ruined.

TTFN

XXXX

All Getting Too Much

This weekend is that last weekend we have in this home and to be honest I bloody glad.

I really feel sorry for my girlfriend, shes never lived in a home without her parents and theyve not given a flying fuck. Theyve not cared at all these last few weeks for how she feels. Bearing in mind she suffers severly with anxiety and depression.

As of today, her parents have left the house. Though they will be back as theyve left lots of shit behind. So we are here on our own untill Sunday.

Weve only had one friend who has helped us A LOT and we cant thank them enough. Whats really pissed me off is that initialy my girlfriends parents said that they will fire a van and move our stuff and their stuff. Then suddenly today they rocked up with a van and we werent allowed to put any stuff on it so im blinking glad that over the last week we have slowly been taking stuff over to our new flat.

Tonight they came back quickly to get something and then left whilst shouting bye from the bottom of the stairs. It wasnt a nice goodbye with any effection for my girlfriend at all and from past experiences at my end, when you leave tje family home its extremly upsetting and yet her parents actually i re phrase that, NONE of her family have even bothered to ask her how she is. I think its disgusting and its completly uncalled for.

Till this day aswell they are still treating us like we are five stating that we cant fill some holes in the wall from where we took our stuff down...bearing in mine 10 mo ths ago we decorate this room and had to fill in holes then...and if they think we are still children, you would think they would ask their own daughter how shes coping but no!

On a lighter note, yesterday we had our homeless officer contact us to give us an update. My doctors, ive no idea which one out of them all have finally decided to send in a medical report and the housing team have stated that we are a urgenty priority to be placed into a long term home and we have been bumped up to a B band so fingers crossed not long and we shall have our own home officially.

On a safer not though, weve only 2 more nights and one long day left with Dixie. I was sorting her stuff out earlier ready to go to the foster home abd my hesrt was breaking. I hate the fact that my girlfriends parents are being so nasty as to not have her meaning we have to put her in a home 3 hours away from us. Im gutted. I mean come on, you wouldnt purposly give up your child because of a housing situatio  so why are we being forced to give up our puppy. I hate it. Just got to pray that we get our permenant home pretty bloody soon.

Because my girlfriend is clearly breaking down, ive done a little suprise for her. Ive made a card on moonpig to welcome her to her new home with me and ive also ordered some personalised cup coasters with 4 pictures on. One big one of us 2 and the  3 little ones of Dixie so hopefully thatll cheer her up.

For now though im off as im wasting precious time with Dixie

TTFN

XXXX

Happiness

Just flying by to say

WEVE GOT A HOME!!!!!!!!!!

Ok its only a temporary emergency accomadation but it means that we wont be homeless by the 6th October as weve been given the keys today

Happy

Downside, we cant bring our puppy with us to this temporary place so were trying to get her fostered untill we can have her back.

Sad

TTFN

XXXX

Emotions Running High

Two different ends of the spectrum it turned out to be yesterday.

With all the recent news with us now having to move by the 6th October we were getting to the point we needed as much help as possible. Last friday we got assigned a housing officer who had then rang me on Monday to talk things through. We were supposed to receive a huge yellow form to fill out to be able to get us the support for a home. This hadnt arrived so my and my other half woke up super early yesterday and got to the council house by 9am. Doing this ensured there would be no other people waiting in front of us. We also met our housing officer who is amazing. Compared to many other people within the council she really does care and want to help. She helped us fill in all the paperwork, had been looking online to see f there was a private bungalow or flat we can have for now and they would pay the deposite (sadly there are none) and then she said she was off to speak to the homeless team and also increase our banding on the council list. Although this doesnt make me happy as we still have no home, its reasuring to know that we are being helped the best way possible.

Following all this, we then had to drive up to Taunton to pick up my sister, brother in law and baby nephew and then we had to drive over to my mum in Bridgwater.
Our nan was there which was great as weve not seen her in a little while as she lives in Manchester and of course this was the first time to which my nan met both my girlfriend and our baby nephew (her great grandson). The day was amazing. Was such a fantastic experience to be in a room with 4 generations. Was smiling the whole way home.

Of course though im worried about my mum. She has become very poorly with worry about both mine and my girlfriends health and home situation and of course no matter what i say, untill we have a place to go to, she will keep stressing about the sotuation.
On top of this, my mum had to go to the doctors today as she was a little concerened. It turbs out she has a 2cm lump having grown in her breast so shes now been refered for urgery examination, treatment, scanes and biopsies.

Nothing ever runs smoothly in life

TTFN

XXXX

Annoyance

Ever had so much pain ur restless!? I have. Today has been one of those days. Ive maxed out on all my pain releif and im still in complete agony with my hips. Thank goodness ive got my CT scan on the 1st, my hip consultant on the 22nd and then pain team in October. Hopfully then all this pain will start to be sorted out. Though im not looking forward to the surgery if and when they say it.

In other news, my lungs have also been crap today. I knew something was wrong when i had a rubbish nights sleep, mucus plugs and a husky voice.

So i check my oxygen levels and peak flow. Oxygen has been about 91% all day and peak flow is 50% down. Im not rushing to the GP though as im seei g my respiratory consultant on Wednesday so if he feels i need to step up the treatment then ill do so.

I also went to vauxhal this morning because i really need to trade in my car as my current car, although bloody amazing its simply just to small for me now.
Unfortunatly though they only had one of the style cars i want and it was about 5000 over my budget and the car i saw on the net last week went on friday. Typical.
The man was nice though and took all my details and is going to ring me as soon as one comes in stock and ill be getting first dibs on it. Im just praying that the dealer doesnt want another deposit as unless i take out a 2nd credit card i cant afford a few hundred on a deposit now.

Well, other than all this annoying stuff today, generally it has been a good day.

My mum got me the game scrabble at the weekened as we have been searching everywhere for a cheap first addition game to no luck. Me and my lady will be playing tomorrow if i can cope out of bed and ill be kicking her ass.

TTFN

XXXX

Nothing More To Say

I love my girlfriend so much.

She makes me smile

She makes me laugh

Shes made me the person i am today

Shes the reason i wake up everyday.

Shes my everything

TTFN

XXXX

Good News Today

Only one thing happened to day really and thats was...

Myself and my partner have been given the ok to get married.

We have proved that we are not related, we prove we are who we say we are and we answered every question correctly.

We also paid the 2nd part off.

Our paperwork has now been sent off to Truro for 15 days so that anyone who objects for us to get married can do so in this time.

If they dont, then our original plan goes the way we planned.

We will be getting married on Thursday 13th November 2014 at 1330!!

Excited isnt the word.

Weve also officially sent 5 invites out today. We have to get 6 more stamps tomorrow and the rest can be sent.

TTFN

XXXX

Hehe

What a day...

I thought my migraine had gone. Boy wasnt i mistake. I think i took no nasty headache for granted as tonight it has started coming back.

After dropping my other half off at work, i just came home and completed 7 wedding invitatioms which can now be sent out and ive also knitted 4 more NICU hats. So ive not had to much of a stressful day so i have no idea why my headache has returned.

On picking up my lovely lady, we decided to take Dixie down the camel trail so she can have a splash around in the river...half an hour later and she started shivvering so that was our sign that we needed to get home.

Once home i could finally give my lovely girlfriend her suprise.

3 weeks ago i sent her engagement ring in to be fixee as it snapped on the banding about 3 months ago and we just couldnt afford to get it fixed. So i snuck it out of her purse and decided to do it no matter what.

It took her a while to notice though as i propped it up in the side of a brownie tart and she didnt see it at first...but once she did she was overjoyed. She had tears in her eyes and didnt know what to do with herself.

So pleased that i made her day and she had no idea about it at all.

Also on good news, this last week i lost another 3lb. So i now only have 1 and a half stone to loose and im at my target weight. Go me.

TTFN

XXXX

Excitment Ahead

Ok so I cant actually contain it any longer...

Myself and my partner has as of today booked our wedding...we can legally call each other wifey and hersband as of 13th November 2014 at 1330 hours!!

I am so excited!!

I know on the other hand that shit will come of this as we are not inviting any guestes. We are literally having our two best friends as our witnesses and our one best friends little boy as a ring holder. Weve decided to do it this way though because A we actually cant afford a massive do and B partying and standing up infront of a mass load of people not only isnt our thing but it scares the crap out of me.

What we have decided to do though is book a little village hall at some point next year where we can have a gathering of all our family and friends and say new vows to each other. This of course being when we both have enough confidence and money.

The best thing about us getting married this November is that now, any children that we are going to have can legally have both of our names on threir birth certificate where as before they couldnt. So our children will literally and officially be ours.

Ok etxcitment over for now

TTFN

XXXX

Something New

When I went to asda yesterday, I was gutted to find out that they had sold out of easter biscuits...I mean come on, its still a week away. To resolve this, my lovely girlfriend said that as shes never made them before, she would love to give them a try and blinking heck they tasted good. We have been controlled though. Weve only shared one between us for today andvwe have four more between us ove the next few days. I was mega impressed with how they turned out as shes never made them before. What do you think?! :

Even though it was only half a biscuit that I have eaten, I felt really bad so punished myself...and todays punishment is that I walked around the feild 4 times at three different stages of the day. To be ho esr, I think I have the beginnings of an obsession going on. Im so fixated on loosing weight and its now got to the point im now weighing at the beginning and end of everyday. I really dont know what to do. I think its started because I had climbed up to 16 and a half stone and so many doctors have told me that my weight would make my asthma worse. For me that was enough to scare me so I guess I have to loose it. After our second walk of the day, I was in agony so had some more morphine, snuggled with my lady and our pooch on the sofa and watched a film. Todays film was "exit himanity". Although at the beginning I though it was a really bizarre film, I soon came to liking it. Its weird because it has a narrator ever now and then. But it explained the in depths if what was going on just incase you didnt pick it out whilst it was made visually the first time. So for me its a film with a thumbs up. In crappy news...I think I have another infection brewing. Im getting a lot more puffed out, I have pain in my left lung and I am rather bubbly with my lungs. My temperature has only raised a small amount so id feel like a fraud going to the GP at this stage. Just hope it doesnt get to bad by next weekend as we r supposed to have a friend staying down and visiting is. Only time would tell I guess. TTFN XXXX

Todays Adventure

Last night I was 100% worried that Dixies body clock wouldnt be able to be adjusted to the time change and I feared she would be awake at 0630. Suprisingly though, she woke up at her usual 0730. Not only was I pleased but I was also mega shocked. Straight after breakfast we took her for a walk. It wasnt all that successful though as my partners mum came with her puppy and Dixie just got to distracted and was running around the feild like mental. Towards the afternoon though, I took her for a walk by herself just to get some call back training in for the day. Every 20 steps I walked, I called her name and gave her a treat (dont worry, the treats are smaller than my little finger nail). She done really well though and I was happy that shes starting to pick up on the call back altogether. Once all our camping washing had finally finished, I decided to sit and chill whilst reading up on more photography stuff. Ive managed to find roughly 5 more projects to keep my busy!! Myself and my partner booked a tabled at pizza hut tonight for the four of us to go out for mothers day. My girlfriends parents have never been to pizza hut before and the mega enjoyed it. Infact we all enjoyed it. There was so much laughing going on which was great as we havnt had that now for a very very long time. I know it wont last long before then next downer but im glad that my girlfriend and her mother managed to have a great day between the two of them. It was lush to see. I thought I done extremly well at pizza hut also as when I felt full, I stopped eating. I didnt overdo things so im hoping on weigh day tomorrow I will have lost weight so keep your fingers crossed. Just before bed we managed to get Dixie in the show to get the sand and camping mud out from her skin and fur as it was really starting to irritate her. The shower, towel and hair dryer no longer scares her anymore though so it makes the whole process a little less stressful. Though it clearly made her tired as shes now snuggled up next to me in bed dozed to the world. Its been yet another very bust day for me. Cant wait to have a day where I can just sit and relax again as im getting beyond exhausted. TTFN XXXX

Back To Reality!!

As your aware, it was mine and my other half first holiday not being in a hotel but in a tent and well I have to say, although it was blinking freezing, I really enjoyed it. Just being us with our dog in our own little world was fantastic. Ok, so what we done... TUESDAY: not the most adventurous of outings, we set up camp. The end. Only joking, that was just the start of things. Once our new home had been set up we decided to take Dixie to the beach. Blinking heck didnt she enjoy it. In and out of the sea, digging in the sand, trying to eat the sand that we were kicking out in front of us and she just generally really loved the experience. I did get photos but ive not uploaded them to the pc yet so youll have to wait to see our pooch on the beach. WEDNESDAY: as the weather was meant to be better for this day, we made a pack lunch and went to "The Lost Gardens Of Heligan". Although ive been here before with my mum last May, I struggled as I only had my crutches were as this time I had my wheelchair. Anywho, we went around as much as we could before I got mega exhausted. The flowers, scene, views and general prettiness was breath taking. I generally forgot how fantastic it was here. On our way back, we went via the shop and got ourselves a beautiful flower and a little hand crafted mouse sculpture made of wood (to which I named Murtle, I have no idea why though). We also got stopped by near on everyone in the shop because they could stop being amazed by our amazing little puppy. Admittedly she is lush. On wednesday night, I decided to go via tescos to pick up marshmallows, chocolate digestive biscuits and kebab stick...so I could treat my other half to a smore. Shes never had one before and lets just say, she loved them so much, we ate two...and then two more the next night. A picture will follow for this soon also. THURSDAY: ok, so on this day, the weather was not what we wanted. Rain. But we still went out on an adventure, though on our way there we had to do an emergency trousers and pants purchased as our pooch got a little overwhelmed and peed on my other halfs lap. Oops. Once all the change over had finished, we carried on our way to a place called "Wheal-Martyn" to which basically is a china and clay museum which also had a nature trail and a huge amount of history and mechanics for clay production in the 1800. Ok so if your not a history geek like me you wouldnt enjoy the history side as much, but thankfully its something we really enjoyed. FRIDAY: home time *sad times*. As always, we were up at 0730 as Dixie was hungry and needed toileting. We naturally got into the swing if things and started packing up after we had had breakfast. I think we were done withing about two hours. All was good, Dixie was in the car ready, and my other half was in the loo. I then took it upon myself to put the last few items in the backs seats, to wgich consisted of pine cones and a pair of orange wellies...and the disaster struck. Somehow, as I was shutting the door, I managed to shut it on my little finger whilst it was sitting on the locking mechanism. And off goes a slice of the top of my finger. I got to the toilet block as quick as I could to get the myd and oil off my hand so it didnt get into the now pumping with blood hole ive got. I shouted to my girlfriend to say I was there also, and when she came out, and I told her I had had an accident. The bleeding wouldnt stop and the whole cut was far to big for me to leave it so we had to divert via Bodmin minors on the way home. At the hospital I had to have an xray because it was a crush injury (thankfully nothing was broken or lodged inside), I then had to have it cleaned up, stitched and bandaged.

Ok so the picture doesnt actually show off the true extent to what happened, but believe me, it bloody hurt!! Only I could go on holiday and end up in hospital!! Well, heres a happy camping picture from day one...

So, ill try and get some more photos for you all to see tomorrow, but for now im off to make a rainbow sock rabbit!! TTFN XXXX

Always Something

Up nice and early today...but then we all fell asleep again after Dixie had breakfast, till roughly 0930 which for us is rediculoudly late since having a puppy. We done our usual routine first off, and then decided Dixie needed a walk...or I needed it because I put on 2 and 3/4 pounds in the last week. Im personally blaming my increase of steroids plus I have eaten a fair few bad things. We also took Dixie for a walk this evening, for her fun but for me, punishment!! We had to leave at 1130 though to get my other half off for her volunteering job. Once I done that, I had to run off to lidl and asda to get our food for going away tomorrow. Following this (goodness ive been busy) I then had to get my other half to our local hospital as she had an appointment with her ears because of her hearing loss. All is ok, but sadly, the type of hearing loss she has cant be treated with hearing aids, its a weird link between her ears and brain that loses the wavelengths of words and noises which jumble things up and make it harder to hear and understand words. My heart aches for her because its not something that can be sorted. As a result she now struggles to hear generally. I on the other hand have to learn to talk slower and with less of my Bristolian twang ha. Testing my cooking skills (under supervision because of my muscles) I cooked the most amazing tomato soup ready for when we get back for our lunch time meals for when we get. I know a soup is mega simple, but for someone with my disabilities, its blinking hard, and depressing because of needing supervision. In good news, I managed to complete the editing process from Saturdays photos. I managed to get 124 that I absolutly love and im super proud of. Oh and, I got another silver award on a photography I submitted to a competition a few weeks ago, im so proud of how far ive come, I just hope I can keep it up. Excitingly I am off camping with my beautiful girl tomoorow and our puppy. Were only going to Padstow just incase something was to go wrong, but its our first little holiday together as a little family. The memories that will be made are ones that im really looking forward to. I just hope it goes smoothly as weve got our next camping holiday booked for May already ha. So, im not going to be blogging for the next few days, will probably be either Friday or Saturday night, deoending on how tired I am. TTFN XXXX Ps, I forgot to mention, after I sent my sputumn sample last week, I had the doctor ring me today and as I thought ive got a bug in my lungs, its a yeast based fungi that is resistant to all antibiotics so were waiting to hear from my cons about what week can do. Fab hey

Frustration!!

Early for waking wasnt the word for this morning but I figured because we went to bed so late if I were to nod back off I would have never woken up in time for the big day. Yes, that day that ive been stressing about has come, its the naming ceremony for our friends little boy. We got there around 1pm, my other half set up her cake and I started sorting my camera to allow for the right amount of lighting and to take pictures of the items that were scattered around like napkins, flowers and the naming certificate. People started to file in at roughly 1330-1400 and all was going to play and I managed to get around 150 photos ish. (Ill let you know for sure tomorrow). Excited that I had enough confidence to be able to do these photos, things couldnt stay perfect. I decided to have an asthma attack. Friggin perfect. Sats dropped to 90% and heart rate shit up to 134. I wasnt even going to do my peak flow. I was starting treatment no matter what. Thankfully, a few back to back nebs and all was dandy and the day continued. We flew home for a 45 minute breather before the meal this evening because I was just to exhausted. We had to be back for the meal in another part of Cornwall for roughly 1900. Everyone was atill super nice, and I feel I have now managed to broadened my friendship circle for my new county im living in. The food was really late for coming out, and about 2030, I was starting to feel sluggish again, and as I went to take a bite of my nail (being the annoying nail biting person I am) I notice my nail beds were purple, I instantly jump up to go and check my oxygen levels. On my way over to get my bad, someone walks by me having had a ciggerette, and bang, if I wasnt going off on another asthma attack I was now. So pissed off that ive had two attacks in one day, all I want to do is enjoy my life and hobbies but each time ive just built up to be happy, bang shit gets thrown back in my face!! Lets just say I will be hybernating in my bedroom tomoorow on my computer just editing photos. Nothing more and nothing less as I am adiment I will be going camping on Tuesday!! Although my lungs have given me hell today, I have to admit I am proud of myself. I really was mega worried and scared that I would end up flumping the whole day but I think and feel it went reasonably well!! Thats all from me for another day!! TTFN XXXX P... I forgot to say, the registrar that done the naming ceremony has told myself and my other that she would do out whole wedding and paper signing for £115. Doing it this way with her also means that we could legally get married ANYWHERE. Whether it be a beach or our back garden so we are certainly keeping things in mind for a potential marriage plan!!

Happiness To Ignorance!!

As its Monday, its weigh day again. I was dreading it. Because of having flu last week, I didnt really eat much real food, just general crap so I figured I was bound to put weight on. But...I didnt, yay. I lost another 1 1/4 so I was chuffed. I have 2 3/4 pounds to go and ive lost 3 stone since last August. Im over the moon. Never thought I would be able to shift this steroid induced weight but with pure determination and the support from my other half we are getting through it together, to ehich I must add that she to lost weight this week also!! I dropped my other half off into town at lunch time for her to do her volunteering and I firstly went off to the Doctors to get my prescription ready for going awayvtomorrow to which they told me that because I only ordered them on Thursday they werent ready yet. I ask how long till they were and they responded with 1430. I walked out ubber pissed off as that was in less than two hours time. The thing that hacked me off even more was that she picked my drugs up off the side as they were ready and prepared in the basket, all they needed was a final check and to be put into a friggin bag. It would have taken 5 minutes if that to sort, but no I have to go all the way back out there tomorrow in the opposite direction to our mini break and hope that they have all my drugs for me!! After this cock up I then had to get back to town to go to the dentist. I had to have a very small filling as my nebulisers have started effecting my teeth. Bearing in mind I am disabled, to which the dentist surgery are aware of because I told them itll be difficult to get to them as they dont have a lift and are on a first floor and its two flights of stairs up. So bearing this in mind, I climb the stairs, sit and wait 40 mins as they are running behind which is also very uncomfortable for my hip and then finally get called in, to what looks like an obsticle course, to which my dentist didnt move anything to allow me getting into the chair any easier. At this point, other than calling my name, he still hasnt said a single word to me. He then tips the chair back without prewarning me and then stabs the needled straight into my upper gum...again without no pre warning. The treat ment then begins and it seems the dentist has finally found his voice, but only to say if the grinding hurts, raise your left hand. I expected to have one of those clothes protector bib things on so they didnt splash my clothes with anything, but no, nothing and my jumper gets drenched. Again pissed off. After hes finished, he raise the chair up but still hasnt said a word to me so I guess hes finished and struggle back through the obsticle course to get back to the door. On my way out, I ask he how long it is untill I need another appointment and he sits there pondering and then say hmm I guess a year. A year, one fucking year. With being on long term steroids and clearly getting damage from my medication, he wants to leave it a year. My last dentist wanted me with her every 4-6 months. The conclusion to this barbaric treatment is : typical nhs. I have to admit, I much prefer private dentistry, just wish there was on local that would excempt me being exempt from payment because of ESA.ooo I almost for got, on top of all this, hes got filling paste all over my two teeth and its clearly visable which has also pissed me off as its my front two teeth!! So, after my crazy appointment I go home to chill out. Im so stressed from it and have another headache as a result. Not what I need. TTFN XXXX

Enjoying Life

What a busy (for me) weekend it has been. Thankfully, yesterday morning my new bank card had arrived which meant I could then have access to money. Just aswell as we had been invited out. Myself and my partner got invited for a meal at the toby carvery in exeter with two of our friends who have a little girl together. These two friends have been our rock. They are also a same sex couple, and the one use to be a support teacher at my senior school, so I personally have known them for a long time now. They also had a little girl through AI treatment just over a year ago, and they are also supporting and helping us massively with our journey. Having such amaxingly close friends really does help, and allows you to have a great social life. Weve arranged to meet up again in May when they come back down to Cornwall for their holiday. We also took our little pup out for a walk around the field before had also, shes mental when it comes to walks, she just doesnt want to stop. Because of me though, we are limited to how long we can stay out. Sadly today I have been in absolute agony and if im honest, with the weather being ultimatly crap and being in so much pain I just wanted to stay in bed all day. But yhen where would that get me... ...so instead we went to the beach. This was Dixies first time and she friggin loved it. Both me and my other half were so happy that she loved that sand, seaweed and water as much as we had hoped she would. By the end of it though, she was soaking and really cold, so we wrapped her up in her blanket and snuggled her in her bed that he put in the back of the car for a nicer journey for her. Right now my life couldnt be any better. I have the most amaxing partner that I really love. And our little pets keep us busy and on the go. The future really is heading our way and I cant wait to see how it pans out. As usual though, your all going to know in good time hehe. Here is a picture of Dixie loving the beach and loving the camera, right little poser she is!! TTFN XXXX

Pain-Worse Than Ever

Today was they day for the hopefull sorting of the pain in my hip. Waking up at 4am was, well, a massive challenge, but we done it and managed to pull of the drive at exactly 5am as planned. Go timing I say. We arrived at the surgical day unit just in time, managed to just get a seat in the busy waiting area and I was called in. Intially on my own as I hadnt a bloody clue what the heck was going on. I had a HCA start filling out my paperwork, and she got to the pregnancy question. Asked me when my last peroid was to which I told her it was the first week of February. All was dandy, then said, we will have to do a pregnancy test. I said its not possible, im in a gay relationship and im on the pill. She was addiment I needed to do a pregnancy test. I was addiment I wasnt and decided to tell her, if another woman could make me pregnant, we would have the family we are longing for. That was the end of that subject. After, she left the bay so I decided that I was off to get my other half as I couldnt cope with stress or hassel. Once my partner was with me, we carried on filling in more paperwork. She asked my marital status, to which I told her I was cohabiting and this is my partner. She pondered over the question in her head a little, and then I see her writing single. I was even more pissed than before. We continued through the pre op paperwork. Once all this was done and she closed the book, I pointed at the marital status question and said, I told you I was cohabeting. So she asked, well what do you want me to right. I looked at my partner, then looked back at the HCA and said, im in a relationship. The HCA was not happy. I really dont think she likes same sex relationships one bit, and she treated me like a disgusting piece if meat. I was having none of it. Going back to the pre op form, there were other questions like, you can do house hold chores, manage stairs and walk 150 meters ok. She ticked yes for all. Thankfully I saw this again and had to correct her with the fact that actually I can do none of what she said I could. She also said I didnt have aneamia (ill just point out here, she assumed this and I saw the answer again-thankfully) because again I had to correct her that I am aneamic and infact on medication for this. When the theatre staff came to collect me, they asked if they could have some tape to cover up the piercings I couldnt take out. The good old *cough* HCA then decided to chirp up and say "she refused to take out her piercings" thankfully I had a good theatre team, as they arhued with her three times saying, shes not refusing she just cant, and all we are asking for is some tape and all is perfect. It was such hard work. As I was about to leave, my partner gave me a kiss and we said our goodbies...this ticked of the HCA to the limit, she was not impressed that we kissed. Fricking hell I wish I got her name as I would have reported her for being such a bitch about me being gay. After all of the above, we finally managed to get to theatre where I had a good old funny banter with my surgeon and the rest of the theatre staff, which amazingly helped me relax. The procedure hurt like a git, I felt everything and the pain of the fluid going into my hip socket was beyong horrid. Admittedly though, watching my x rays fly up to the screen as the procedure was taking place really was cool, but all in all, id rather not have the procedure done again thanks. I "jumped" onto my wheelchair and we went off to town to meet with my sister to get my birthday present, have a general catch ip, and have a sneaky peek of her ever growing bump. She is huge for 15 weeks. Its mentall. We also managed to get some baby bargains in primark and we also nipped into CEX and got two dvds for my chill out day tomorrow. We managed to get back...just!! I was in agony by the time we got home. Pain reif had worn off and I couldnt take any more as I naughtily had to drive home. I think the driving pushed me over the edge though. Ive bern in bed since I got home, and can barely move, and thats with being dosed up on morphine. Thankfully though, our little puppy (although has aparently been a little shit all day) put a smile straight on my face and gave me beautiful snuggles all evening...and even managed to throw in a few sneaky peak flow tests lol. Ive added a few pictures, im sure you can work out which is which. For now though, im off to get some shut eye in the hope ill blovk out the pain. TTFN XXXX