Severe PTSD

Following my disagnosis last January I have been really struggling to actually get the therapy I need. Firstly nobody wanted to take actual responsibility for it so nobody actually wanted to start the treatment. I am guessing because of funding.

Well last Monday I finally got my first session of treatment. Its called Eye Movemrnt Therapy.

Basically my consultant gets me to follow and object for a certain number of repetetive movements over a period of time.

Sadly I cant go into much more detail other than to tell you it went ok. It has something to do with the way the treatment works.

My consultant told me that I would be sleepy and that i must go home to sleep. Unfortunatly my other half wanted to see her mum on the way home so that didnt happen. As a result I became an emotional wreck. Not realising its because of the treatment I literally couldnt do anything without crying, thinking i was a failure or wanting to kill myself again. I just didnt know what to do and to be honest im now not looking forward to this weeks treatment on Monday.

I know i have to be honest with my Consultant though and I have to tell him exactly how i felt else it could be completly pointless me continuing this.

I just hope it starts to work. I know each time my asthma flares I will need treatment for my PTSD but i guess this is just another one of those diagnosis im going to have to deal with long term.

TTFN

XXXX

The End Is Near

The title for my post today is very relevant to a number of things, firstly, the end to this year. This year has not only been fantastic because we got Dixie, but because we got married, my wife turned 21, we have met our potential sperm donor, we have moved into our own home, we have a new nephew, ive started a new treatment and so far, this is the first year ive only landed in ITU once. The second thing that is nearing to an end is, from what it seems, the weekly trips to plymouth hospital being taught my subcut Ig infusions. Myself and my wife have pucked up and remembered the whole routine in just one session so now we are literally just reasuring ourselves and also keeping an eye on the headaches I am getting following these treatments each week. My link nurse seems to think though that shell be doing a home visit by christmas and then we will only need to go to clinic for follow ups. The third thing coming to an end this year is Dixie being in foster. Weight, dont get excited just yet as no we havnt been given a permenant home. Just sadly the lady who was fostering whilst her husband works away so that she g ad company can no longer foster because her husband is no longer working away and he wNts to decorate the house. We aremanaging to stay at my dads from christmas day untill the 6th of January but then we are stuck, we have nowhere for Dixie to go. I refuse to get rid of her. This year has literally been full of emotions being both positive and negetive. A lot of how the year has turned out has been utter crap, but it seems that no matter what is thrown at us, we have managed to pick ourselves up, carry on and see the lighter sideof things. To top of this year, I got gi en my mobity scooter. Ive been on it fir about 10 minutes at a time so far untill this week. This week has shown new beginnings, opportunities and prospect because myself and my wife were able to go for a stroll down the camel trail for 3 hours and although I was tired it was purly through fresh air and chest infection instead of the usual muscle weakness and breThlessness. I really cant bieve how so much can go on in just one persons life. May e I should write a book...though dont hold me to that as the chances of me following it through are as high a chance of me doing a skydive jump. TTFN XXXX

Better Week Than Last

This week has been a little all over the place, on Monday I had to go and have bloods take as my phosphate keeps dropping for no particular reason, and when I rang up for the results today it seems that it has drooped again. We now have to wait as see for how this can be treated. My other galf also started a volunteering post at Bernados children charity which she is going to be doing every Monday. Im so pleased that she has found the courage to do something like this as it gives her a sense of purpose whilst also allowing her to make new friends. Once I had picked her up, I suprised her with a little picnic and our pup and we went and had a "naughty hot chocolate" at a local woods. Tuesday was my birthday. Admittedly I wasnt looking forward to it at all as for the past ten years since my nan died on my thirteenth birthday they have always been crap or domething bad has happened. This year though was suprisinglt alright. Me and the lady went and had a costa drink at lunch time and then in the evening we had a table booked at pizza hut. This was chosen as the lady has never ever been to pizza hut, or any pizza place infact and I absolutly love the cookie dough pudding. I also had lots of mini ice cream cone birthday cakes made for me which were absolutly scrummy. Wednesday was a dvd day. The weather was so bad that it was to dangerous for us to go anywhere. We also had to bring the rabbits indoors because they had been blown over. I realy though that our grampher rabbit Spice would have died through trauma just because of his age but thankfully all is great. Yesterday was a special day for me and my girlfriend as it was this time last year that we done a sponsored walk for asthma uk and in the evening she had proposed to me. So we have now been engaged for a year. My other half wanted to make it all special for me so cooked heart shaped pancakes for breakfast and then in the afternoon she cooked a three course meal to which I have to say was bloody lush. Its valentines day to day and yet again the weather is shocking. We gave each other presents this morning. I got some choc a block rocky rock hot chocolate, a bracelet and a genie lap to make my three biggest wishes come true and I gave my lady two chocolate roses and a photo book of our last year together. We also decided to go swimming to burn off all the rubbish weve eaten this week as we want to continue our weightloss. This afternoon though we have a challenge on our hands as for the first time we are going to be puttingvour two baby rabbits Norbert and Gizmo in the same hutch. They have been in the run together plenty of times but never in the same hutch. Wish us luck TTFN XXXX

A Few Weeks In!!

A little hectic has to be said for this first few days of 2014 BUT I have enjoyed it - kind of.

Day one started off not so good as my lovely lady had suddenly picked up a tummy bug and from 3 am for a good 12-14 hours she was vomming none stop, felt so sorry for her as she was stuck in bed all day being poorly. Thankfully by the nexy day though she was a lot better.

To start off the new year, we decided that we wanted a fresh start so we have redecorated our room. Annoyingly it has taken a week and me ending up being poorly myself and in bed for a day,but it now looks stunning. We have a paint called malibu beach on three of the walls and on the fourth we have patterend wall paper that is of a charcal colour and has a variety of different birdcages on with yellow birds within them. Ok, it sounds a little strange but it looks stunning. We also now have our lush new canvas painting on the wall that our lovely sister in in law and her girlfriend has made for us for christmas and we also have a butterfly lapshade with very similar bedding that my other halfs parents got us for christmas. So our room is now set up nicely for when im having my rough days and cant leave my bed and it also just generally looks stunning to walk in and see.

I had an appointment today with the maxifacial team again, was meant to be getting my biopsy results but sadly because of the time of year that I had then done, they have been delayed a little. I have to say, not what I was expecting to hear when I walked in there so sadly have to wait around another week or two before I know what the lump was that I had growing in my mouth.

Generally all else in my little life has been great so far this year...touch wood. I have an appointment with ny new lung team in Plymouth on Wednesday so that could be a challenge, to which im sure youll hear about!!

I also completed the start of my photography portfolio today, the 9 photos that I have in there really do look stunning and for once I am proud of the work I have done.

Oh and its official, my sister is pregnant, and I am going to be the best aunty EVER of course lol.

TTFN

XXXX