For those of you who have read my most recent blog you would know that I had a recent admission to ITU with my asthma where I ended up on a special breathing machine but also keeping me awake. This was because I refused full ventilation.
Well, since then (like previous times) I have been having real bad issues with sleeping. Every time I close my eyes it takes me back to that very moment and Im worrying myself with what ifs!? Truth be known Im scared of death and Im scared that one day my asthma will be what kills me and at the wrong time.
All of this is worrying me and Im finding it hard to talk about. My girlfriend asked me last night what was on my mind and what was it that was keeping me awake and I was to scared to tell her. So I said nothing was up. I hate not telling her. I just feel that we cant relate in this department as shes never had to experience it. In the mean time though not only am I getting rubbish nights sleep like normal but I now have this added extra.
Im stuck.
Im lost.
Im confused.
I dont know what to do for the best.
Help!!
TTFN
XXXX
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