My Life In A Nutshell

MONDAY 2ND JULY 2012.

Dont worry, im not expecting you to know why this date is of any significant value to anyone as it doesnt have one. This date though is the last time i blogged about my medication. The treatment that keeps me going. In 2012 i was with consultants that really wanted to start from scratch. Reduce nearly all my meds and find out the best ones from me. That didnt happen. Instead, they started adding more in.

Today things are worse than before.

During a 24 hour period i take on average 64 tablets a day, 16 nebulisers minimum. A salbutamol inhaler. A nasal spray. A tablet inhaler twice a day. A TENS machine, morphine patch. Supplements and im also now on sub cut IgG infusions of 60mls a week.

I wish my life was counting other things instead of drugs, oxygen reading, pulse reading and peak flow reading.

I guess being in the UK i am extremely lucky, my medications get funded by the NHS and the government. I really feel for those in other countries that have to pay for their treatments and its in the thousands. If their insurance wont cover it, how does the government expect them to get the vital medication they need!?

I know one things for sure, if i didnt have this list of medications, i would be dead. If any asthmatic didnt have one single inhaler, they would be dead.

Asthma needs to be more recognised. I have been doing this blog now for near on 2 years and in those 2 years. Ive literallt have my blog viewed thousands of time. I just pray that just 10 of those thousands of people have gained a little more knowledge into the life of an asthmatic. That they can see its not just a few puffs of a blue inhaler. Its time consuming, mind and bodily draining, its demanding and most of all its life threatening.

Asthma needs a cure, can you help find it!?

_____

On a different note, depression, this also is very life threatening and not enough people know about it. This week, Tuesday infact is my wifes 21st birthday and suffers from severe depression. With our housing situation this has meant that things have been getting worse again. I didnt know what to do, how to help her so,i gave her an early birthday present that she can focus on, and give a purpose of living for. I got her a guinea pig. We still dont have a name for her but she is 9 weeks old and such a character. Today is her first day with us and in ta time, she has climbed the curtain 3 times and climbed up the inside of my trouser leg twice. Shes blinking fast thats for sure

Well, i better be off, i have those drugs to go take so i can make it through the night as i am currently suffering yet another chest infection.

TTFN
XXXX

Here is a visual look into my medications and below is our latest family member, the nameless guinespig class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">

Mentally Down

I know, I know, ive just done a blog, but thats about my day. This is about my mind. I have severe PTSD. Im STILL waiting for CBT. Ive been abandoned by the health care system. Im feeling alone. Im feeling scared. Im feeling vunerable. Could I harm myself...ive do e it before!! That previous few lines is exactly what has been going through my head for the last few days. I really dont know what to do. What has made it worse, and what nobody seems to be seeing is that my father in law has been admitted to the same hospital that I was admitted to, two days before christmas last year. Hes been admitted to the same ward I started off in before I was rushed to ITU. Im taking the same routes to get to his bed that I was taken before I was nearly dead. No one has asked me how ive been walking back into that hospital. No one has asked me if my flash backs and panic attacks have gotten worse since stepping back into the hospital. No one has offered to stay with me for five minutes when I need a breather to sort my head out. Yes ok, I know, a member of their family is in hospital and is poorly. Im not being horrible, but his observations or stable, hes not on oxygen, not being closly monitored and the doctors arnt worried about him. Hes only now still in hospital to sort out warfrin that he is now on. This may sound very selfish to anyone reading this, but when you have been that close to death, unfortunatly you have to try and live life, and frustraitingly my life is being restricted in more ways than one and I hate it. I want my life back I want to start a family and not have them worried about all my health needs I was the flash backs to stop I just want to be me!! TTFN XXXX

Happiness To Ignorance!!

As its Monday, its weigh day again. I was dreading it. Because of having flu last week, I didnt really eat much real food, just general crap so I figured I was bound to put weight on. But...I didnt, yay. I lost another 1 1/4 so I was chuffed. I have 2 3/4 pounds to go and ive lost 3 stone since last August. Im over the moon. Never thought I would be able to shift this steroid induced weight but with pure determination and the support from my other half we are getting through it together, to ehich I must add that she to lost weight this week also!! I dropped my other half off into town at lunch time for her to do her volunteering and I firstly went off to the Doctors to get my prescription ready for going awayvtomorrow to which they told me that because I only ordered them on Thursday they werent ready yet. I ask how long till they were and they responded with 1430. I walked out ubber pissed off as that was in less than two hours time. The thing that hacked me off even more was that she picked my drugs up off the side as they were ready and prepared in the basket, all they needed was a final check and to be put into a friggin bag. It would have taken 5 minutes if that to sort, but no I have to go all the way back out there tomorrow in the opposite direction to our mini break and hope that they have all my drugs for me!! After this cock up I then had to get back to town to go to the dentist. I had to have a very small filling as my nebulisers have started effecting my teeth. Bearing in mind I am disabled, to which the dentist surgery are aware of because I told them itll be difficult to get to them as they dont have a lift and are on a first floor and its two flights of stairs up. So bearing this in mind, I climb the stairs, sit and wait 40 mins as they are running behind which is also very uncomfortable for my hip and then finally get called in, to what looks like an obsticle course, to which my dentist didnt move anything to allow me getting into the chair any easier. At this point, other than calling my name, he still hasnt said a single word to me. He then tips the chair back without prewarning me and then stabs the needled straight into my upper gum...again without no pre warning. The treat ment then begins and it seems the dentist has finally found his voice, but only to say if the grinding hurts, raise your left hand. I expected to have one of those clothes protector bib things on so they didnt splash my clothes with anything, but no, nothing and my jumper gets drenched. Again pissed off. After hes finished, he raise the chair up but still hasnt said a word to me so I guess hes finished and struggle back through the obsticle course to get back to the door. On my way out, I ask he how long it is untill I need another appointment and he sits there pondering and then say hmm I guess a year. A year, one fucking year. With being on long term steroids and clearly getting damage from my medication, he wants to leave it a year. My last dentist wanted me with her every 4-6 months. The conclusion to this barbaric treatment is : typical nhs. I have to admit, I much prefer private dentistry, just wish there was on local that would excempt me being exempt from payment because of ESA.ooo I almost for got, on top of all this, hes got filling paste all over my two teeth and its clearly visable which has also pissed me off as its my front two teeth!! So, after my crazy appointment I go home to chill out. Im so stressed from it and have another headache as a result. Not what I need. TTFN XXXX