Frustraistion, Upset and confusion

Unfortunalty 5 weeks on and I am still in hospital. To some yes this way seem that its not that long a time compared to some but for me its my longest ever stay and i hate it.

On Sunday i had another asthma attack that came on out of the blue, scared the shit out of me and ended up getting me sectioned for a short space of time.

I didnt want treatment. I want to b left to die but because i got transfered from the mental health hospital to the general hospitsl they kind of used it against me and sectioned me and forced the treatment on me which mega cheesed me off.

A physoclogist has seen me on the qard and my PTSD scoring has gone from 54 to 86 which aparentlt is through the roof and they are not happy with things being left any longer as its going to make me even more suicidal and my self harming is just going to continue increasing.
When i first got admitted here i told them i would do anything to kill myself. Ive tried 4 times but annoyingly have been found each time. One time by the skin of my teeth though as i was in a pretty bad shape aparently.

I just want all this to be over. I want my legs to start working again. I want my lungs to start working and and i want my head to realise it cant control me any more.

All that being said though, i doubt itll be achieved...

TTFN

XXXX

Devestated

Some people may say, atleast you know whats causing your trouble and others may say, its not that bad, ive had it but for me, its really got me down.

The reason it has got me down is because its the 3 bit of crappy news ive had this year so far and were literally only half way through.

I had Taunton hospital ring me yestersay saying theyve had my MRI results back fot my right hip. It turns out i havnt been making up my pain just to get morphine as some doctors have said, but infact i have a lebral tear in my right hip meaning i need to have surgery as soon as they can get the whole team together for me.

Im having the surgery down in Truro though as it can be done key hole down here rather than open surgery that Taunton can only do. So i have to wait for my care to be transfered over first.

The reason this bit of news has devestated me, isnt just the fact that doctors wasnt believing me but its also the fact that i flat line and stop breathing everytime i have a general.

Yes im aware that i dont have to have a general, but ive not been given these option as of yet. I guess each hospital has their own policies.

Only time will tell.

TTFN

XXXX