Wowzers

So yet again life has been turned right upside down and all over the place.

On tuesday i was due to have my hip surgery. I had everything sorted mentally etc because i had been having therapy. We r then sat there, all paperwork filled in and every member of the team has spoke to me, then low and behold after 3 hours of bwing bumped we then get told er sorry ur surgery has had to be cancelled as theres no ITU bed for if its needed post op. Was so pissed off as u can imagine. It has now been rebooked for the 24th of February and fingers crossed itll go ahead this time.

In other news, after signing up to do dog fostering last wednesday we were super pleased to learn we had passed. We got told initially that we wouldnt be able to foster untill Dixie had beeb spayed which we figured was fair enough BUT four hours after our home check and we had a phone call, they want us to foster a dog. Yay.

We picked him up on Sunday, his name is Diesel (no we didnt pick it) and he is a minnaturet Staffy. He is absolutly adorable but hes extremely tough to look after. Each day he wakes though he is getting better. He still has some aggression when he has to do something he doesnt like, for example getting out the car and he also has extremely bad food aggression. Sadly thatll take a while to go because hes just not use to having regular meals. He has really bad seperation anxiety also so the minute myself or my wife leave the room he howls the place down. Sadly that may never go.

On sunday we also had to rescue a rabbit. He was in such a bad shape u am totally suprised that he is still alive. We have managed to sort his hutch so its now in a liveable condition,weve also cut his nails and also brush half his fur. I say half because it is in such a bad state that we really dont want to traumatise him so we are giving him breaks inbetween time.

For now though life really isnt that much different.

Im starting to feel really poorly again though. Really drowsey and pain in my lungs. I blinking hope its just a passing cold =(

Well i best be off. Sounds like some pooches need fussing!!

TTFN

XXXX

Stress Stress Stress

Round two of my eye movemwnt therapy for my PTSD was on Monday. Prior to arriving i was actually shitting myself, i really didnt want to go purly because last week after my last session was hell. I felt shit, wanted to commit suicide and just felt rubbish, so you can see why i didnt want this week to happen.

Well the session itself was a pretty bad one and i could actually only do half an hour as a result and the therapist knew it was bad with how things went.

After the session we went shopping and i went home and slept just as i was told to as i dint want any bad effect because of not doing what i was told. Unfortunatly though, it wasnt untill about 9pm that things started going really bad again. Thankfully i had an amazing friend at the end of the phone i could text as i didnt want to worry my wife. I felt so weird though. I didnt feel like my body was my own. I was shaky. Jittery and beyond scared. I ended up having to taken more morphine than usual to try and calm my system down. It knocked me to sleep as you can imagine and thankfully by the time i woke the next day things had been a little more easier to cope with.

I think once my surgery is over next week things may get a little easier for me.

On Tuesday my wife went to the doctors for a bloody test. Im not going to tempt fate but the result should be in today. Weve rung aleady but sadly they arnt back as of yet so we are going to have to ring tomorrow.

On wednesday I felt like we needed to do something for ourselves and to help others. Im going through a huge phase of wanting to help others so i signed myself and my wife up to foster poorly and abandoned dogs. Today we had a suprise phone call from a homechecker as we had passed the first stage and she wanted to come out and visit us today. Well that check has just been completed and we have passed. Yay!! Heres to helping more lost pooches.

Well ill probably not be blogging untill after my surgery now so hope you all have a gokd weekend.

TTFN

XXXX

Severe PTSD

Following my disagnosis last January I have been really struggling to actually get the therapy I need. Firstly nobody wanted to take actual responsibility for it so nobody actually wanted to start the treatment. I am guessing because of funding.

Well last Monday I finally got my first session of treatment. Its called Eye Movemrnt Therapy.

Basically my consultant gets me to follow and object for a certain number of repetetive movements over a period of time.

Sadly I cant go into much more detail other than to tell you it went ok. It has something to do with the way the treatment works.

My consultant told me that I would be sleepy and that i must go home to sleep. Unfortunatly my other half wanted to see her mum on the way home so that didnt happen. As a result I became an emotional wreck. Not realising its because of the treatment I literally couldnt do anything without crying, thinking i was a failure or wanting to kill myself again. I just didnt know what to do and to be honest im now not looking forward to this weeks treatment on Monday.

I know i have to be honest with my Consultant though and I have to tell him exactly how i felt else it could be completly pointless me continuing this.

I just hope it starts to work. I know each time my asthma flares I will need treatment for my PTSD but i guess this is just another one of those diagnosis im going to have to deal with long term.

TTFN

XXXX

2015

So it seems i am 10 days late in wishing everyone a happy new year but we have a good excuse.

On the 23rd of December, my beautiful wife and myself finally got the keys to a lovely flat. One that we can call home.
Thanks to kind and generous people, we have been able to get a man with a van to move all our kit from our temporary home to our new flat and we have also been able to decorate 3 rooms with just the hallway to go. We are not doing the bathroom as i have contacted social services to have a wet room put in.

On Christmas day we also got our beautiful Dixie back and spent christmas with my family. With it being my nephews first christmas it was absolutly fantastic. Really loved it. But had to come back on boxing day to get this new flat suiteable for us to live in.

As a new found family, we celebrated new years together in our new home which was lush. We all had a yummy duck roast, including Dixie. Although hers was her dog meat. Lets just say it turns out she loves a good roast.

In December too, we had been given three donations from a lovely sperm donor that we have me. Since this, my wife hasnt as of yet had a period. As of today she is now 14 days late. We have done a test but it is saying negetive so we have contacted the doctor and he has told us that unfortunatly for many women they dont produce enough hormone to activate a home test so we have to wait another 2 weeks to see if she misses another period. If she doens then we have to go back to the doctors for a blood test. Really hope thag we are pregnant. This will be a dream come true. I really want to be a mum.

This month also i have been given a diagnosis for my Primary Immune Deficiency. I have hypogammaglobulinaemia. Yes it is a real word. Pretty spectacular. Hopefully though with having a diagnosis and a treatment we can finally get things under control.

I have also been give a date for my hip surgery and i am being admitted on the 27th January to have it done. Lets just say i am shittong myself. Mainly because the aneasthetist i saw was such a twat in that he wouldnt listen to me about my reaction to Generals and that i stop breathing. I am meant to be having a spinal but i actually have no idea what is going on anymore.

Sadly also i have yet another infection. I waited 3 days trying to sort things out on my own but i was just getting worse and worse. By the time i went to the doctors, half of my right lung wasnt working and the base of my left lung wasnt working. My peak flow was shocking and i generally felt like crap. So im on antibiotics and high steroids again for both the infection and pleurisy that i have. Lets hope i can shift it before my surgery.

Well i am exhausted so off to take a nap.

Hope everyone had a great new year and that 2015 brings you everything you want

TTFN

XXXX

Mixed Emotions.

This week has literally been all over the place for me and my wife but as usual, we are getting through it. First off, our donor has been helping us. We found a new donor to help us have a child. He lives in Cambridge and has a girlfriend but sadly she has a fatal geart condition so could never carry a child. He doesnt want to be involved physically but just wants updates. We are happy with that and at the end if the day, we have stated that for us to choose whether our child knows their father before they are even born is completly unfair. We are choosing their life, yet they should choose their path. So far we have had three donations and fingers crossed a few more as the week goes by. The next bit of craziness is that we had to find another foster family for Dixie because after we have her for two weeks over christmas, her currently family could no longer have her. We found two lovely people around the corner from us, but sadly on Monday, they to got made homeless by the council so it all fell through This week though, I have said some weird stuff to my wife. Firstly being that I told her I wasnt renewing our post redirection for her mums address as I have a really funny feeling we are going to get offered our permenant home. Then when the foster situation fell through I then said to my wife (this being a different day) im not going to put out a new add for a foster family for her as I have a funny feeling we are bringing her back to live with us in January. Today, at 11:15 am I got a phone call. Its the council. We have been allocated a house. We are viewing it tomorrow at 10:30 am and if it is suitable, we will get the keys by monday hopefully. Now come on, these weirdfeeling I had, something cant be right there surly. How did I know!? In other positive news, I had a big medical supplys delivery today... and our first home visit assessment to see if we can cope doing my infusions at home. Guess what, we aced that too. And again she went on about how amazed at how fast we have picked up on this and that we have been the fastest out of the 70 patients on her clinic list. She also caught eye of all my knitting and was amazed and impressed with that too. So, all in all so far this week has been fantastic. Can you all keep your fingers crossed for the new home and positive tests for next week. In the mean time, I am fighting yet more issues with my lungs. Sky high temp, low sats and peak flow and a wheezy chest. Perfect. Life goes on though. TTFN XXXX

Beating Statistics

Well first i would like to talk about my title in that myself and my Mrs has beating statistics at Derriford Hospital Immunology clinic. Aparently a person is meant to take 6 weeks to be trained how to do self injection of Sub Cut IgG treatmemt, myself and the lady on the other hand have learnt it in 3 weeks and as of next week we wills be at home doing it ourselves. I am soooo overly happy with this is as it means theres no worries about missing doses over christmas because of needing to be in Bristol to make sure that Dixie is having to be put up for adoption.
Im still amazed at how quickly we have picked it up, i mean i know its not hard drawing up a blood product, attaching it to a pump, stabbing my belly and pressing go but to some people it obviously takes a little longer.

In other news, last night and i guess still aparet of me today is feeling a little down in the baby department. I really want to expand on our family. Weve been trying now for nearly a year to have a baby and we seem to be getting know where. Im also feeling crap in that i want to be able to be a real mum. Not just one on the birth certificate of my wifes child. I want a child that was created by me. One that i habe carried myself. One that has grown within me. Its just not going to happen,not in the direct near future anyway because of my health and drugs.

Why cant life be fair. Equal. Easy!?

TTFN

XXXX

The End Is Near

The title for my post today is very relevant to a number of things, firstly, the end to this year. This year has not only been fantastic because we got Dixie, but because we got married, my wife turned 21, we have met our potential sperm donor, we have moved into our own home, we have a new nephew, ive started a new treatment and so far, this is the first year ive only landed in ITU once. The second thing that is nearing to an end is, from what it seems, the weekly trips to plymouth hospital being taught my subcut Ig infusions. Myself and my wife have pucked up and remembered the whole routine in just one session so now we are literally just reasuring ourselves and also keeping an eye on the headaches I am getting following these treatments each week. My link nurse seems to think though that shell be doing a home visit by christmas and then we will only need to go to clinic for follow ups. The third thing coming to an end this year is Dixie being in foster. Weight, dont get excited just yet as no we havnt been given a permenant home. Just sadly the lady who was fostering whilst her husband works away so that she g ad company can no longer foster because her husband is no longer working away and he wNts to decorate the house. We aremanaging to stay at my dads from christmas day untill the 6th of January but then we are stuck, we have nowhere for Dixie to go. I refuse to get rid of her. This year has literally been full of emotions being both positive and negetive. A lot of how the year has turned out has been utter crap, but it seems that no matter what is thrown at us, we have managed to pick ourselves up, carry on and see the lighter sideof things. To top of this year, I got gi en my mobity scooter. Ive been on it fir about 10 minutes at a time so far untill this week. This week has shown new beginnings, opportunities and prospect because myself and my wife were able to go for a stroll down the camel trail for 3 hours and although I was tired it was purly through fresh air and chest infection instead of the usual muscle weakness and breThlessness. I really cant bieve how so much can go on in just one persons life. May e I should write a book...though dont hold me to that as the chances of me following it through are as high a chance of me doing a skydive jump. TTFN XXXX