Small Update

Today I was meant to be going for a hospital appointment for my hip. Sadly though it didnt happen. The consultant rang me to say that not all the CT scan results had got back to him so he didnt want to drag me all the way out there to only give me half the information. So i was pleased they rung just annoyed were nine the wise for whats going on.

The lump in my mouth has become rediculously large. Its now bigger than a golf ball and i can barely eat anything tyat cant be sucked or anything that not liquid. Have to wait another 2 weeks before i even get reviewed let alone operated on.

With regards to the housing situation, well thats stull just as bollocks. Weve heard no more, still not been increased with the banding. My partners parents are continuing to be nasty towards us which is causing my lungs to be shit. Woke up this morning and my sats were 93 and i had so much pain in my lungs...

Lastly, my friend. Things arnt to good at all. She did end up needing ECMO because she was so poorly and they then took her down gor open heart surgery the next day. Things are not good though. Theres lots of complications going on and although she got off the ventilator yesterday, shes had to go back onto it todag and shes starting to deteriorate again. Hate that so many of my friends r suffering because of crap health.

TTFN

XXXX

Short Update

Hi everyone, Just an update. Im am in Intensive Care with my asthma. Been here since last week which is why ive not been updating. As soon as im home, youll here from me TTFN XXXX

Happy But Frustration

Ok ok so the main part of the day has been fantastic I took Dixie to the camel trail whilst my other half was at her fitness class and she blinking loved it. Running up and down, and then of course we found a river. She was straight in. Shes such a water puppy, its great to see. With the weather being so great and her amazing reaction with the weather, weve decided that tomorrow we are off to Par beach. Fingers crossed shell remember the beach and continue to love the water. A medical update: I had my clinical psychologist from Birmingham ring me today to check up on my local care and to see how I was coping with my severe PTSD. I had to explain to her that the local care has infact failed. Ive had no follow up so ive been trying to keep coping on my own. Lets just say shes not impressed at all. In other medical news, my lungs have remained cruddy, sats still dropping and needing lots of salbutamol. Im still subconsciously ignoring it though as I want to live my life. Im not giving into my asthma. I refuse. In complete other situations (the other half of my title), im getting really upset and frustrated with my mother in law. Shes picking fault with everything we are doing and constantly causing arguments. Its driving me insane. I dont feel like a 23 year old anymore. I feel as though im 10 again, living with my mum constantly being dictated to. Im pretty sure it shouldnt happen. Ok granted I ignor all the arguing between my partner and her mum untill it involves me but with how my mental health is its driving me further down. I reay have no idea what to do. I feel the only solution is to move out but untill theres something withing the council we cant. Its making me feel crap!! I have a huge headache now so im off to sleep now. TTFN XXXX

Mentally Down

I know, I know, ive just done a blog, but thats about my day. This is about my mind. I have severe PTSD. Im STILL waiting for CBT. Ive been abandoned by the health care system. Im feeling alone. Im feeling scared. Im feeling vunerable. Could I harm myself...ive do e it before!! That previous few lines is exactly what has been going through my head for the last few days. I really dont know what to do. What has made it worse, and what nobody seems to be seeing is that my father in law has been admitted to the same hospital that I was admitted to, two days before christmas last year. Hes been admitted to the same ward I started off in before I was rushed to ITU. Im taking the same routes to get to his bed that I was taken before I was nearly dead. No one has asked me how ive been walking back into that hospital. No one has asked me if my flash backs and panic attacks have gotten worse since stepping back into the hospital. No one has offered to stay with me for five minutes when I need a breather to sort my head out. Yes ok, I know, a member of their family is in hospital and is poorly. Im not being horrible, but his observations or stable, hes not on oxygen, not being closly monitored and the doctors arnt worried about him. Hes only now still in hospital to sort out warfrin that he is now on. This may sound very selfish to anyone reading this, but when you have been that close to death, unfortunatly you have to try and live life, and frustraitingly my life is being restricted in more ways than one and I hate it. I want my life back I want to start a family and not have them worried about all my health needs I was the flash backs to stop I just want to be me!! TTFN XXXX