Good Girl Gone Bad, Pissed, Annoyed, Fragile

Wow where has the last few dyas gone again. As you may have seen, the title is full of sarcasm and realism.

Lets start with my lungs and health all rolled into one. First off my lungs, ive had a really bad infections this week. On Friday i got put on more antibiotics and steroids put up to 40mg. Over the weekend i got worse and by monday i couldnt talk. I pushed my luck and went to the gp as really didnt want to go to hospital. My oxygen levels were 92% and i was really struggling. The doctor wanted me to go to hospital but we came to the compromise that we would increase my steroids even more and hope for the best. He said if by Thursday i was no better i had to go see them again. Thankfully, this morning all was better and my oxygen levels were back up to 95% and i was no longer nebbing every 2 hours.

The next bit of health was with regards to my bones. I had my second dexa scan after i had one 3 years ago and got told i had osteopeania. Thankfully as a whole the results say that ive not gone into the osteoparosis stage BUT my femur has shown some deterioration and my spine has shown it is crumbling pretty bad. Great.

Ive also had another pain team consultation and because ive not been able to decreased my codiene and when i have ive needed more morphine theyve doubled the dose of my morphine patch. At first i felt ok but now as the evening is going on im feeling very spaced out and a little weird.

A change from my health, to a friends health. Remember i mentioned a few weeks back about a very good friend who was super poorly, well things started getting better and even got to the stage she managed a few hours off oxygen and walked a little. Sadly though the next day she was extremely poorly again and has since been on the ventilator again for the past 2 days. I really feel bad, wish i could do something to help her. Hope she starts getting better super soon.

My poor other half bless her has had a bad few days. Shes been so worried about ne that its messed up her mental health a little and has sort of gone tunnel vision. Shes dropping lots of things, not really understanding basic tasks and unfortunatly yesterday somehow managed to leave the freezer door open slightly and 3/4 of the food defrosted and either had to be chucked or cooked. Ive tried telling her that its ok. No1 got hurt. No harm has been done and not to worry but she still feels really bad bless her. What annoys me the most is that her parents havnt given her basic life skills for living solo. She doesnt know the basic things about life and with me being poorly at the moment i really dont have the energy to actually guide her. Im trying but its making me very exhausted.
To cheer her up though we went charity shop shopping today to get her some new clothes and for her to have a change of enviornment.

On the wedding front, bloody hell its coming around far too quickly. On Tuesday we went and got another gift for a very special boy who will b walking us down the aisle and carrying our rings. We made him a build a bear and purchased a wedding tux to dress it in hehe.

Well my new morphine patch is really knocking me out so im off

TTFN

XXXX

Small Update

Today I was meant to be going for a hospital appointment for my hip. Sadly though it didnt happen. The consultant rang me to say that not all the CT scan results had got back to him so he didnt want to drag me all the way out there to only give me half the information. So i was pleased they rung just annoyed were nine the wise for whats going on.

The lump in my mouth has become rediculously large. Its now bigger than a golf ball and i can barely eat anything tyat cant be sucked or anything that not liquid. Have to wait another 2 weeks before i even get reviewed let alone operated on.

With regards to the housing situation, well thats stull just as bollocks. Weve heard no more, still not been increased with the banding. My partners parents are continuing to be nasty towards us which is causing my lungs to be shit. Woke up this morning and my sats were 93 and i had so much pain in my lungs...

Lastly, my friend. Things arnt to good at all. She did end up needing ECMO because she was so poorly and they then took her down gor open heart surgery the next day. Things are not good though. Theres lots of complications going on and although she got off the ventilator yesterday, shes had to go back onto it todag and shes starting to deteriorate again. Hate that so many of my friends r suffering because of crap health.

TTFN

XXXX

What If?!

Ever wondered what if...

I do every day!!

What if my lungs were healthy?!

What if my muscles didnt choose to want a progressive disease?!

What if my immune system was normal?!

What if my parents never got a divorse?!

What if my house never caught fire when i was 16?!

What if i managed to get to my uni placement and became a paramedic?!

What if i hadnt met my future wife?!

What if, what if what if?!

The list is endless!!

My latest what if, what if we dont get a home by October 4th!?

Im so blinking scared about everything and this isnt just because we will potentially be homeless but its because a lot of my life so far has ended up going in the wrong direction, it hasnt gone as ive planned!!

So, like before, have you ever though what if!?

TTFN

XXXX

Hiding Away

Ok apologies for not having been here for a while.

On Thursday after my mobily scooter assessment (which was a-maze-ing) i was really poorly. I had yet another migraine plus my belly become extremly swollen and i was in agony. So i curled up in a ball and shut the world out.

Back to my scooter assessment though, weve found the perfect scooter and my other half has been taught how to take it apart and reassemble it. Sadly though its going to cost £1249 so unless i cant get the grants from charities im not going to be having it. It felt so amazing on it. i had freedom. I was my independant self again.

Friday was pretty pants. We were running around, going to doctors, posting parcels and my other half went to the gym. I was shattered and suprise suprise, by the end of the morning i had yet another migraine.

Uve decided that im going to the doctors on monday about my migraines as ive been on my increase tablets for a month now with no such luck so something needs to be done.

All weekend ive basically just chilled. We had a BBQ on friday which was nice thougj even at 6pm the heat was to much so i had to go back to bed and sit infront of the fan.

Today we are off to a place called Sibly back lake with Dixie and we are meeting up with 2 friends and their son. At tue moment it looks nice an overcast so im hoping that i wont get a migraine with sitting in my chair not getting away from the sun.

the stress of my other halfs parents have increased yet again and they were in the middle of slagging me off when they realied i could hear everyword as i was stood outside of the window. I felt gutted. Aparently its all my fault that their daughter is now selfish and never spends anytime with them. Im sorry but monday she volunteers at bernardos. Tuesday she goea to the gym. Wednesday she does to yoga. Thursday she goes to the gym and friday we go swimming. Not forgetting caring for me, baking cakes for her business and also taking Dixie for walks. I feel deflated. I dont know what ive done.

TTFN

XXXX

Yuk

Ok so yet again things are crap.

All weekend ive felt like shit. To put it plainly.

Saturday my oxygen levels wanted to start dipping and by last night i was down to 89%. My pulse was up at 160 and i was trying to be sick...no that sounds wrong. Basically following my tummy surgery it is impossible for me to be sick so my body was going through the motion of being sick but no liquid from my tummy could actually escape.

Ive literally been a vegetable in bed all weekend because of feeling so poorly and im also suffering from yet another migraine.

Tonight i was checking my oxygen levels and they are now sitting at 86%.

I thought my sats monitor was playing up initially so i put it on my other halfs finger but it came up at 98% so its clearly just me.

Im refusing to be admitted. I cant. Next week we have something really important we have to do and im not missing out on this opportunity.

Really wish my lungs would get a grip and give me a break

TTFN

XXXX

Friends

When life is a little down, all you really need is friends.

Yes you guessed it, we managed to get out and meet up for lunch with our friend and her son.

We didnt manage much else before that as i was so exhausted.

On our trip out though we managed to post a friend a present which we are praying she will het before shes admitted to hospital next week, we purchased a fair few more baby bits for my sister ready for the baby but these arnt clothes, these are more essential stuff like wet wipes, johnsons baby stuff, sudocrem, nappy sacks and more little bits like that. We also got another lush pastel wool and some ribbon for the baby blanket im knitting once i finish my 6 hats a day.

To say im exhausted now though is a ahuge understatement.

I feel really weak and i cant actually even lift my arms anymore so im a little gutted. I honestly think that this weekend is going to be for recovery and that only.

TTFN

XXXX

Waiting For A Change

Sadly im still pretty much in the same mental state, no better but also no worse. Though i do wish that it would get better as its really playing on my mind.

On Thursday it was my best friends birthday and both myself and my oher half with my best friend went to alton towers. I drove us up there as im not a huge fan of coaches.

I was in my wheelchair all day as I just couldnt cope out of it. Because we got disability passes we were also allowed "special" passes which meant that we got to que jump and go straight to the front of every ride. With having this is meant we got on ever ride which was amazing.

By about 5pm i decided to stand up and stretch my legs for 5 minutes ready for the 6 hour drive home. Sadly though because another migraine had started hitting me, as i stood up i ended up collapsing straight down to the floor. Was out for the count on the floor of alton towers for an hour. When i woke up i felt really week, breathless, was shivering and generally felt like crap. I started driving us home but within an hour i had to stop at the services as i just couldnt cope anymore. After a good rest we set off again.

Thankfully my dad lives 10 minutes from my best friends house in bristol so i rang hime up telling him we were crashing at his house for the night. I literally felt like crap.

On friday, we set off home again stopping near on every hour and when we got home i literally went straight upstairs and slept for hours.

Something really took it out of me. My temperature has been sky high since and i am feeling chesty so ill be sending another sputum sample on monday in the hope itll give answers.

My other half has been making her owl cake that someone has ordered and it looks blinking amazing, ill have to show u all a picture once its complete.

TTFN

XXXX

The Good And The Bad.

Ok so yesterday I completed my 3rd box for sending off the the NICU units. (Will upload photo tomorrow). I have as of today though officially made 102 hats so nearly the 4th box done...yay

In sad (ish) news though, myself and my partner last night that Mr Spice who is our gramfer rabbit at the age of 7 hadnt eaten or drank anything all day. So today we squeezed some rabbit juice into hit mouth which incouraged him a little bit and thought we would give him a few hours to pick up with food. By 1630 though nothing had been touched so i got some of his nuggets and added water to them and we managed to syringe fed him roughly 100ml of this. I have a feeling its his teeth again. I rescued him when he was 2 and his previos owner sadly just fed him bread and banana which meant he didnt touch hay for the main stages of his life. As a result, he refuses to eat it now meaning his back teeth are over growings and he keeps needing surgery. With the fact that hes eating the food when its practically liquid im guess my thoughts are correct. If he still hasnt eaten anything tomorrow though he will have to go to the vets as he will need surgery.

To end my busy last 2 days, I have also made my wedding shoes. They are just drying from the glue and when i get five minutes tomorrow, ill take a picture and post it here too.

Im feeling a little poorly though. I woke up relly struggling this morning and coughing lots and ive kind of not really picked up all day. Im praying its the weather but we shall see.

TTFN

XXXX

Im Back

Im aware it has been a few days...but Im going to keep it short.

The last few days have been beyond hectic, stressful and just head hurting for me-literally.

On Thursday night, my other half had told me that both our mums were talking about me on my latest admission to hospital. Aparently the nurse who was looking after me, the respiratory consultant and the ITU consultant were all very worried. Not just because i was deteriorating with my asthma attack, but they were worried i wasnt going to be able to keep battleing on because of my muscle wasting. They said that if i were to have many more attacks like this latest one, the liklihood is i wont pull through. I just dont have the muscle strength. With my phosphate also refusing to pick up, it also means that my muscles arnt contracting in the right way so my vital organs just cant get enough oxygen. Along with this, they were worried that mentally i will keep struggling with everything thats going on so they told our mums not to tell me what they have said. My other half just couldnt keep it on on Thursdag night though. It was eating her up. And i dont blame her for telling me.

During the mddle of the night i had yet another full body allergic reaction but we have no idea what to again which is very annoying.

Friday we had to look after our nephew. His mum had an appointment which was going to be roughly an hour long so we took the pleasure in looking after him. He is such a content little boy and i really cant wait to have my own little family.

On saturday, I needed to get out the house. There was far to much negetivity and it was driving me down so we decided to take Dixie to the beach...bad move. We have now worked out that the salt wter makes Dixie violently ill. Shes done i before but it wasnt untill yesterday i actually clicked. By now though we know the drill and managed to get things under control and by today she was back to her usual self again and we even managed to give her one of the liver cakes that i made her. Dont worry, theu are dog friendly!!

Today weve literally hybernated. Ive had a migrane for the last few days and it just wouldnt shift...untill this afternoon. Praise the lord. Whilsy chilling though, in turn i have managed to finish off all the writing in our wedding invites and ive also managed to knit number 69 of the NICU hats. So im super pleased.

Well, im off to bed now. Ive planed a huge suprise for my loverly lady tomorrow and i need to be both physically and mentally strong (especially as i fell over today trying to pick up one of our rabbits)

TTFN

XXXX

Terrified

Im home...thats the main thing. By this though im home in body, not in mind. Two weeks ago, my other half went out for a walk with Dixie. About half an hour later it started to happen. I was so scared. I had no idea how long she would be and I couldny get through to her as she had no signal. So I sat there waiting. Nebbing. Worrying. When my lovely lady returned she was worried. She called an ambulance straight away. Because of how long I was sat there on my own nebbing, by the time the ambulance crew came my chest was silent. Honestly though I was only sat there for roughly 45 minutes and then we were waiting about 10 minutes for tge ambulance crew so not really that long considering how I used to leave things whilst living in the city. Being rushed into resus I knew what was coming...shit loads of blood gases and boy wasnt I fight. The nurse that was assigned to me was initially nice...and then found out I was gay. She gave my partner the most filfiest look ever, then chucked a peak flow meter at me, then yanked the neb mask off my face half way through a neb and told me I need to stop panicking. By this point I was telling my other half, one more bit of nasty treatment and I was leaving and taking myself to plymouth. The doctot that was assigned to me initially didnt want me to have any drugs either. I told her what treatment I needed but she said I wasnt poorly enough. Off she sends me for another xray as the first wasnt all that clear and then come back to me and says "I would like to do another blood gas as the first two shows signs off deterioration. If this one does also ill put up some magnesium and we will have to get ITU to take a look at you". Funnily enough because treatment hadnt been started, my third blood gas was worse again. After one lot of IV antibiotics, my cannula tissued and my arm blew up. I told the doctor but they didnt believe me so left it 3 hours for my arm to shrink before running the magnesium through it. And guess what, my arm blew up again and they had to recanulate. By this point of course I had been moved to the medical admissions unit to be closely monitored. I think it was around 5 am (though not entirly sure as I was asleep) and I got woken by the lady doctor again asking if I was ok as my observations were going off the chart. She listen to my chest and the next thing I know shes running away from me. Then I heard it, she was on the phone to ITU. 4 more blood gases later, 15liters of oxygen on a rebreathe mask and finally the magnesium, oh and of course an ITU doctor. Thankfully though at this point the remained wanting to keep an eye on me. By the time alk this had happened it was now morning (officially in hospital world) and I had the day med reg come to see me who thankfully was a respiratory reg. She was not impressed with how I had been treated and demanded I needed IV aminophylinne immediatly. Once this was up and running, and I had all the oxygen running through for roughly 12 hours I started to feel a little better. The lovely resp reg came back to see me at 8pm to make sure I was ok before going home. We had a good old chat and she told me that she spoke to my team at derriford and new abit more about my asthma which was going to help her treat me. Unfortunatly though the next day she was in clinic and wasnt able to review me herself. Once all the aminophylinne had run through, my partner took me in my wheelchair out to the corridor on my oxygen to see my friend. She wasnt allowed on the ward because she has an 8 month old son which is fair enough. Whilst out in the corridor, the resp doc saw me and asked how I was. I told her the truth. I was starting to feel shit again since the drip had been down. By 9pm, I had 4 doctirs at my bed. The resp reg couldnt make it herself to see me but she sent a team of docs into review me. Suprise suprise my chest was back to being silent...AGAIN. Another dose of magnesium and more aminophylinne and we were going through it all again...and ITU looki g after me on the ward because there were no beds up in ITU. (This following bit I cant actually remember, its what my partners told me) The next day, I was very very sleeepy. After lunch I got up for a wee and then I remember no more. Aparently I was very sleepy and not really responding. I had more magnesium and of course the aminophylinne was still running. My partner got asked whether she wanted my mum to drive down because I was really poorly. The next thing I know, my mum and step dad, my mother in law, plus 3 docs, 2 nurses an ITU reg and an ITU consultant was at my bed...and I was off to intensive care. The next 24 hours was all a bit of a blur and I hated it. Thankfully though the ITU team were fantastic, though left me bruised from foot to wrist...literally as they started using my feet to get blood and give me drugs. It turns out that the whole of the lower half my lungs were fully of infection. The nasty thing is, because the Infection was irritating my lungs so much I had now started coughing up blood. I had physios and doctors all working with me to help me get better. A week later I felt better. I was no where near safe but I couldnt cope being on ITU so I asked to go home if there was no beds on the resp ward. My pf was still only 150 but I agreed to stay in bed and not move...and ive stuck to my word. The thi g that got me the most in ITU was a CODP man got rushed in 2 days after me. He started iff breathing on his own. It then mived to NIV. And then it moved to him being tubed. Everything I could hear was exactly like when I was tubed. I didnt sleep at all since that man arrived. Each time I closed my eyes I got flash backs and was terrified. So on the wednesday the docs agreed for my mental health It would be safe for me to go home. I have my partner here looking after me and ITU arranged for the early intervention team to pay me a few visits to make sure I was still going in the right direction. Now that im home though, im still not sleeping well. Im napping on and off throughoit the afternoon. Then I fall asleep at mindnight for an hour and then im awake again till 0630. I think sleep for roughly another 1 - 2 and then im awake again. I hate it. I just want to sleep and recover. Thankfully though, I have a great friend who stayed with me through facebook when my attack started two weeks ago and this same friend has allowed me to use her netflix account so that I can watch films through out the night on my kindle whilst my other half and pooch are asleep besides me. One bonus about being awake at 5am is that you get to hear the birds waking up as everything else is silent. Its actually very peacful. TTFN XXXX

Short Update

Hi everyone, Just an update. Im am in Intensive Care with my asthma. Been here since last week which is why ive not been updating. As soon as im home, youll here from me TTFN XXXX

Wowzers

Ok so for me, rather a lot has happened yesterday and today which brings me to my excuses for not blogging last night. Yesterday, we had planned to go to the beach because Dixie loved it so much. We were really thinking that it would be mega crowded because its half term and the weather was lush...but we were mistaken. There must of been 20 people maximum there. Dixie was absolutly amazing and as we took our shoes and socks off at the car and had shorts on, we were able to go in the sea and she merrily joined us. My other half got scared after a while though as she started to see crabs (even though they were dead) so she climbed out of the sea and strolled along beside me. We had to have a quick dash up to top half of the beach because Dixie started being sick. We gathered this was because she drank A LOT if sea water and for a little belly like Dixies thats bound to make you vom. After we wrapped her in a town and gave her some clean bottled water she was just as she was before. Perfect. Later in the evening, we decided to take Dixie on her night time walk. We decided to take a new route that our next door neighbour told us about the day before. We were super excited as there were feilds, woods and streams, all of which is Dixies heaven. We started our walk at 1844. 2 hours later, after climbing over trees, under tress, through vines, and along wrong paths that led us to someones back garden, we finally made it home. I instantly collapsed in bed in tears, I was in agony. The pain it had caused in my joints and muscles was undescribable. I had to have my maximum amount of prescribed morphine and try and get some sleep. ( so thats my excuse for not blogging last night.) Today on the other hand, my plan was to rest and recover from yesterday, untill I went down to feed the three rabbits. Gizmo and Mr Spice are dandy. Norbert on the other hand had a 3minute sneezing episode. Im not sure how many of your are rabbit aware...but rabits arnt meant to sneeze unless there is something hugely wrong with them. With rabbits, they hide their illness as best as they can for as long as they can because if they were in the wild they cant show weakness. I quickly gave them their food and rang the vets we are with and they made us an emergency appointment. After seeing the vet, it turns out that Norbert has got an upper respiratory infection so need antibiotice twice a day for 10 days and has had to be put in isolation from the other two rabbits. The vet said we were great and prompt for getting us him as if we hadnt of noticed the signs of him being poorly it would have travelled to his lungs very quickly and potentially have killed him. As my other half says "hes just like his mummy, and its a good job we know how to sort colds and illness out when it comes to our lungs" lol. When we eventually got home, we had fpund out that Dixie hadnt eaten any food all day. All we could think of is, please not another trip to the vets. We tried her again at 1730 and she ate a snall amout. So we had bathed her and snuggled her...and then she started to crunch on something. Being absolutly baffled as wed given her nothing, I quickly put my hand in her mouth...and there it was...another tooth. We have managed to find two of her teeth now and have kept them in a little pot. No wonder the poor pup hadnt been eating all day though. (Oh heres her tooth)

Well thats me for now. I may not be here over the weekend as I might be having a friend of mine coming to visit from Bristol so ill be more than exhauted. Hope you all have a great easter...dont eat too much. TTFN XXXX

Lush!!

Waking up this morning, I was determind to actually rest...I started off doing that after doing our morning walk with Dixie around the feild. We then sat in the back garden (on the comfy chairs) watching the rabbits, lapping up the sunshine. Sadly though even though it was 15 degrees, I was sat in a coat as I was so blinking cold. I took my temperature at around lunch time and it was raised...no wonder I was cold. After our amazeballs sunday lunch, myself and my partner went for a stroll to find a new feild for Dixie as the farmer has now put sheep in the feild we were using. That walk turned into and hour and a half walk. Oops. I was in agony. To top it off, we never did find a field. After so much walking, it was time for a cuddle on the sofa watching a film, and todays film was "dream house" with Daniel Craig, and I have to say, its a bloody good film. Trying to stay healthy with our food, we have ran out of soup so had to raid the fridge. Thankfully I managed to russle up an amazing tuna salad. Was suprisingly satisfying. Once I had done my afternoon meds I was getting irritable and my head was really screwing me over again so I asked my lovely lady if we could go for another walk. Thankfully we agreed and went on the hunt for another field. In the hope we had potentially found one and getting excited, we followed the public footpath...but all of a sudden it came to an end and we could go no further, so we returned home. Completly in a world of our own, we realised that we had been out for another 45 minute walk. Oops again We are not snuggled up in bed, morphined up, drinking hot chocolate and watching One Tree Hill. Life is perfect. TTFN XXXX

Todays Journey

A nice early start again for me today...thanks to Dixie, but no harm done, just meant we could walk around the feild twice. Firstly though, its weigh day and im pleased to say im back on track with a 1lb and 3/4 weight loss. Ok, its not a lot, but its still a loss and im pleased as punch with it. I had to drop my lovely lady off at volunteering for 12. When I got home, a had a quick bit off dinner with Dixe and then headed up to our bedroom. My other half noticed yesterday that Dolly our goldfish has come down with white spot so I had the challenge of isolating her from the big tank where her and Dot live. I then had to scrub the big tank and do a water change to make sure we caught it in time before it spreaded to far. Heres a picture of the finished piece ha

Following the fish tank sorting I decided to get two of my glass cabinates on the wall that holds my china ornament shoes in. I wanted to surprise my lovely lady for when she got home...and off course I did. I then started finishing off the uploading off photos to CD ready to give our friend tomorrow following the naming ceremony. I also went online to Asda to get 11 photos printed off to add to my portfolio. Hopefully ill be receiving them by the end off the week. After all this was done, I decided to sneakily go into next doors hedge and snip 12 of their daffodils and I put them in a jar of water for a little treat for my girlfriend. Thankfully with living in the countryside, there are so many daffodils I dont think theyll ever notice. This evening I done some physio on the trampet to try and get my legs working that bit more, and then we set off for the feild again with the pup. I have to say, she really is catching on super well with her call back. Really pleased with her. I havnt spoke to my nand since before I had the flu, which as you know was a long time ago now so I felt mega bad. I am a little worried about her though, as she came down with a virus the same week I had the flu, and shes just getting poorlier and poorlier. She has an immune deficiency illness called shrogrones (ive spelt that how I say it just to warn you) so each time theres a cold going around, like me itll hit her hard. Although it was fantastic talking to ger, it never stops me worrying, and to make it even harder for me, she lives in Manchester so I cant pop round and make her a cup of tea. Well, fingers crossed all starts picking up soon, but for now, I must get back to the tv, Revenge is on!! TTFN XXXX

Battle Through

My intentions today were to continue in bed trying to fight off this flu, unfortunatly though, my other half had volunteering at lunch time and work up extremly worried and scared because she had never been on a Thursday and didnt know anyone (she sufferes from depression, anxiety and panic attacks). So I decided that I would take her in for 12, hang around town for an hour and then be right outside for her at one. If she needed me before hand then she could ring and I would be there in se onds. I figured this was the least I could do after how shes looked after me this week. Whilst in town, I found these amazing bright orange wellies, so I got them for my partner. Because of the weather, the feild by us as become very wet and muddy abd it was ruining her trainers so she said she wanted dog walking wellies...and low and behold, whilst charity shop shopping, these were staring right at me. When my other half saw them after she had finished volunteering her face was beaming at the sight of them. I think its safe to say I chose good. After all of this, we decided to go to our usual cafe and have a coffee date. We use to do this regularly before we got a little short in money so it was lush being able to do that again. Instead of going home to rest, I then decided we should take the pup for a walk around the feild (and of course to test these wellies ha). We didnt walk far, or shall I say I didnt. My other half though ran half way across the feild, we took her off the lead and we started calling her name between us both, so not only was she gettig a good run around but she was also learning her call back. Might I add she done blinking amazing. Finally we got home, and I collapsed on the sofa...literally. we figured it was ti.e for a well earnt dvd, so put on the woman in black...and within minutes I fell asleep...oops It has been a busy couple of hours throughout the day, and looking back now I have yet again pushed my self to far, but I guess I cant laze around all the time. We also purchased a little owl book today where we have started writing a journal for our process with the baby so that when they are older, they have something they can read to look back on their journey. Hope it works as well as what it does in our heads. for now though, crufts is calling TTFN XXXX

Boring Boring Boring

The title explains it really...boring, cause my day today has literally consisted of nothing. About an hour ago has been the first time all day to which I can open my right eye without it making my migraine worse, and I hope it continues this way. Its now day three of the flu for me and blinking heck I wouldnt want to wish it on anyone. Ive never had flu before, the flu jab has always kept it from me, but this year, even though ive had the jab ive come down with the flu and it is si dabilitating. It may be worse for me because of all the other health issues I have going on but I guess I would never know as im never going to have a year without these illnesses. Again though my beautiful other half has looked after me beyond the call of duty for a partner. Because my vision has gone ive literally been able to do hardly anything. Shes kept my drugs pumping in me whilst alsi keeping me as hydrated as possible and of course on the odd occassion bring up food when request. Ive not really eaten much so today when Ive really really asked for real food shes ran like it was a race to get it before my hunger pangs flew away so to speak lol. Shes also managed to take the little pup out for a walk during the many times to which ive slept today. Sadly though she is off to Bernados tomorrow to do her volunteering post. If my vision is back to what it was before then ill be taking her and ill also be sticking to my appointment with the police at 1530 about my ex. So vision, you better come back perfectly!! For now though typing this is making my head worse so... TTFN XXXX

Flu-Urgh

Things got all to much this morning. I had a rough night and it continued through to this morning. My temperature is still sky high, the pain I have in my joints is ridiculous, ive never experienced anything so bad, my migraine is still here and theres so much more im suffering with. With it not shifting, I wasnt sure of what to do and I was getting worried so mu other half kindly rang the doctor for me. My partner did tell them that I wasnt able to drive because of how poorly I am and how drugged up on morphine I am to try and sort the pain. We had asked for a home visit but the doc who was talking on the phone was an assband said, no we wont get a home visit we either have to pay for a taxi or get a driend. Thankfully my partners dad offered to take me in, but it was really unfair. After being to the doctors, to which my other half had to do every step with me as I still have no coordination and I feel mega week, it turns out I have really bad flu. He said if theres any sign of it moving to my chest I have to be seen immediatly because of the obvious. Ive never had flu before and bloody hell I wouldnt wish it on anyone. The scary thing is ive had the flu jab so xan you imagine how id feel and how much worse id be if I never had the jab!! My other half has continued to be a star though. Really looking after me and literally not leaving my side other than to take the pup for a walk...which she didnt want to do because of leaving me but I guess its only fair!! Well, as its pancake day, and ive not managed to eat anything all day, im having some alpro soya almond milk pancakes bein made for me. I hope the I can both manage to eat them and keep them down. TTFN XXXX

Not My Day At All!!

I woke up at 3am, initially with massive pains in my joints. I thought nothing of it, went for a wee and then went back to bed. When I woke at 0730 I have never felt so poorly in all my life. My temperature was 39.2, I had a splitting migrane, was sweating out and had those horrendous joint pains still. Along with this, I just felt detatched from my body, my co ordination was shot, and I just didnt feel right at all. Im annoying stuck in bed as its to dangerous for me on the stairs, ive had to strip right doen, open my window and eat paracetamol just to try and sort out my temperature, which currently is remaining high. I havnt a clue whats causing it, I dont feel drastically bad with my lungs, but I cant think where else the infection could be...if its that, thats causing it. My other half has yet again been a gem, shes cancelled her volunteering for the day to look after me. Although this makes me feel bad, in a way im glad shes here, and thankfully shes rearranged things for thursday. Im a little bit ticked off though, as about an hour ago I decided I actually wanted to eat something do the other half went and made me some toast. When she got downstairs, yet again her mum started having ago at her because she hadnt done the dishes whilst they were out shopping. My girlfriend tried telling her mum that shes been looking after me and making sure im ok. According to her mum though, she doesnt have to stay upstairs with me just because im poorly, and also that she needs to start pulling her weight more. I feel so sorry for her, she wanted to stay with me coz one I feel like shit and can hardly move, and two, why should I be left up here on my own just because my body doesnt want to work. Its completly unfair, and this shit for not pulling her weight, my other half cooks all three meals a day for both of us, she does the washing, she washes the dishes, she does shopping. Sge tidies up and she helps out with all our pets, I dont see what more she can do, especially as shes a full time carer for me also. Its a lot for her to take on. Her mum seems to be having ago at everyone, but she doesnt see it, and she thinks that shes doing nothing wrong, yet most days and evenings now shes left in the living room on her own as the rest of us cant stand being in her company, I mean, doesnt that show you in itself that theres clearly something not right with the attitude and atmospher!? Clearly not!! Well, im feeling crap again and starting to nod off, I hope this nastiness starts to fade pretty darn soon!! TTFN XXXX

A Few Weeks In!!

A little hectic has to be said for this first few days of 2014 BUT I have enjoyed it - kind of.

Day one started off not so good as my lovely lady had suddenly picked up a tummy bug and from 3 am for a good 12-14 hours she was vomming none stop, felt so sorry for her as she was stuck in bed all day being poorly. Thankfully by the nexy day though she was a lot better.

To start off the new year, we decided that we wanted a fresh start so we have redecorated our room. Annoyingly it has taken a week and me ending up being poorly myself and in bed for a day,but it now looks stunning. We have a paint called malibu beach on three of the walls and on the fourth we have patterend wall paper that is of a charcal colour and has a variety of different birdcages on with yellow birds within them. Ok, it sounds a little strange but it looks stunning. We also now have our lush new canvas painting on the wall that our lovely sister in in law and her girlfriend has made for us for christmas and we also have a butterfly lapshade with very similar bedding that my other halfs parents got us for christmas. So our room is now set up nicely for when im having my rough days and cant leave my bed and it also just generally looks stunning to walk in and see.

I had an appointment today with the maxifacial team again, was meant to be getting my biopsy results but sadly because of the time of year that I had then done, they have been delayed a little. I have to say, not what I was expecting to hear when I walked in there so sadly have to wait around another week or two before I know what the lump was that I had growing in my mouth.

Generally all else in my little life has been great so far this year...touch wood. I have an appointment with ny new lung team in Plymouth on Wednesday so that could be a challenge, to which im sure youll hear about!!

I also completed the start of my photography portfolio today, the 9 photos that I have in there really do look stunning and for once I am proud of the work I have done.

Oh and its official, my sister is pregnant, and I am going to be the best aunty EVER of course lol.

TTFN

XXXX

My Recent Adventures

8 days ago I got admitted to heartlands in preperation for my operation which was on Tuesday.

I went down at 1230 and got told I would be 45 minutes. 3 hours later the finally take me off the ventilator. The reasons for this was because my lungs had a massive disagreement dropped their sats and started to struggle. So as you can tell I worried a lot of people.

I finally got back to the ward at 6pm or there after and wasnt really with it at all.

The pain was so bad I really didnt know what to do with myself. It doesnt help that I couldnt have local in my tummy because Im allergic to it.

The next day was still pretty much the same, still loads of pain, unable to breath properly or cough so they upped all my pain releif in the hope it would sort things.

Thursday was going good. Pain was starting to get sorted and I started to be able to cough again but sadly I had developed a chest infection so had to stay yet another night and be started on antibiotics.

Around 5pm on Thursday, everything I was drinking I was bring back up. Which wasnt good as aparently this operation is supposed to stop me from being able to vommit. So they done an urgent xray to find out what was going on...I had a bowel obsturction - twist in my bowel so I was put nil by mouth and given fluids. To top things off my pain releif was reduced as they needed to wake my bowel up as it had gone to sleep.

So not only have I got operation pain but also have my agonising hip pain back.

The weekend has been pretty uneventful other than me being depressed and thinking about everything and also being in far to much pain.

I am hoping to leave tomorrow but currently I am still vomiting everything I try to eat/drink which isnt right.

My consultant in Birmingham has also requested and MRI scan of my hip to find out what is going on as they think its highly likely to be linked to my steroids. Perfect!!

Well thats my ramble for now.

TTFN

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