Small Update

Today I was meant to be going for a hospital appointment for my hip. Sadly though it didnt happen. The consultant rang me to say that not all the CT scan results had got back to him so he didnt want to drag me all the way out there to only give me half the information. So i was pleased they rung just annoyed were nine the wise for whats going on.

The lump in my mouth has become rediculously large. Its now bigger than a golf ball and i can barely eat anything tyat cant be sucked or anything that not liquid. Have to wait another 2 weeks before i even get reviewed let alone operated on.

With regards to the housing situation, well thats stull just as bollocks. Weve heard no more, still not been increased with the banding. My partners parents are continuing to be nasty towards us which is causing my lungs to be shit. Woke up this morning and my sats were 93 and i had so much pain in my lungs...

Lastly, my friend. Things arnt to good at all. She did end up needing ECMO because she was so poorly and they then took her down gor open heart surgery the next day. Things are not good though. Theres lots of complications going on and although she got off the ventilator yesterday, shes had to go back onto it todag and shes starting to deteriorate again. Hate that so many of my friends r suffering because of crap health.

TTFN

XXXX

Whens It Going To End?!

My title is perfect for this present moment in time.

Today, I finally managed to get an emergency appointment at my dentist for the lump in my mouth. I was not impressed though. My appointment was at 1210. I got there at 12 as I hate being late for things. Next thing I know its 1245 and I can hear them nattering about their upcoming weekend so I went to the desk and said not being funny but its pushing on and ive another appointment at 1pm. So the dentist goes back to her room fiddles about and then comes and gets me. I sit in the chair and she said right today we are doing a filling...i stared at her and said i think your not. Im coming as an emergency to get my lump looked out. Finally we get down to business and it turns out i was right. Its something called a Ranula. Unfortunatly though I have to be refered to a surgeon to have surgery to not only remove the lump but also the offending syliva duct and glad as for some unknown reason its become damaged. She also said i need biopses because of how angry it looks...stupid thing is though she said ill here back from the surgeon within 8 weeks. Im not happy especially if it turns out to be Cancer. Im not looking forward to it because what could be a day case procedure cant happen for me. I stop breathing with aneasthetics and need ITU input. Great.

In other news. My in laws went and viewed thier potential new house and when they come back they were happy about how it looked. We now have a man coming on friday to sort this house out and if they like their new place they sign the contract on Friday too. They then get the keys and can move in on Monday. We all also have to be out of this house within 4 weeks. Great.

Im also having a crap day as this time last year i had my second respiratory arrest and im getting really bad flash backs.

Thats all for now

TTFN

XXXX

Annoyance Yet Happified

Random title dont you think!? Well all is about to be explained...

Ive not blogged in a little while because ive been struggling to get my head around a few things and ive done my usual trick. Ive bottled it all up.

Continuing from my crappy chest,  it turns out from my stutum results i have a fungus infection. Im going to send another sample tomorrow to see what the exact treatment can be as i dont want any old tablet chucked my way.

On Thursday, my sister got taken to the maternity section of hospital because she hadnt felt her baby move in atleast a day. Whilst there they decided to do a sweep and had said if labor hadnt started by the Friday they would have to induce. Guess what, it hadnt started. At 1030am she got give the pessary to start off her contractions. By 2pm she was already 2cm dialated and by 5pm she was 7cm. The midwife called the delivery unit to get hee moved over, and by the time she got round there she was fully dialated but got told she had to wait to hold off pushing as they hadnt nothing ready for her. Sadly she had to be cut and needed stitches after the delivery, but thankfully she delivered a very healthy little boy named Zak and he weight 8lb 7oz the little chubster. As you can imagine ive spent a small fortune on the little dude. We already gave a small box to my sister in july which cost around £30 in clothes and my and my girlfriend have filled another box of which in total there are 46 presents but half of that are wrapped with multiple items. We also got Zaks brother and sister from a previous partnership a present and card as we didnt want them to feel left out and start getting jealous. Well, we are off to met the little man tomorrow and im uber excited.

In other news...more has kicked off woth regards to my other halfs parents.

My girlfriend had made another cake for a client over the weekend and we took some pictures for her page. This resulted in us turning on the pc which it hasnt been on since the 27th july which was when i last used it.

When my other half switch it on, the start up screen had been changed and the name of the user had been ultered...which has meant that my other halfs parents have been in our room and snooped through our stuff whilst we havnt been here. Im fuming as theyve no right to be in our room whith out asking and they certainly have no right to be on my pc. Theres nothing on there for them and its not even their daughters.

I know it might seem pathetic, but because we are at my sisters all tomorrow, i am going to be sticking a small piece of cellotape to the top right side of the door tomorrow and ill know then if theyve been in our room. Like ive said, tomorrow they have no need to be in here.

So, like my title says, its a tale of two stories.

TTFN

XXXX

Death

Ironically the though of death scares me, yet given the chance i would end my life tonight.

Yes ok some people have it worse off than me, but this is my life. This isnt how i use to live and this isnt how i want to live.

Yes people who have been told they only have a few weeks to live literally want to do everything they can and see everyone to say goodbye
I guess the lucky (if u can call it lucky) thing here is that theyve been given that warning. That chance to say goodbye.
With my illness, i could literally die at any point. Without any warning and without any friends or family

I sucks.

It feels like im in prison and on deaths row. Just casually sat here waiting for it to be my time.

Why is more not being done about asthma.

Why is there no media on it. No regular press releases. No regular adverts raising awareness. We deserve that is nothing else right!?

Im not going to go into details to justify why i would end my life in a second because there are to many reasons. All you need to know is that, asthma sucks. The side effects from all these life saving lung medications suck.

Dont take your life for granted. You never know when it may abruptly come to an end.

TTFN

XXXX

Death

Ironically the though of death scares me, yet given the chance i would end my life tonight.

Yes ok some people have it worse off than me, but this is my life. This isnt how i use to live and this isnt how i want to live.

Yes people who have been told they only have a few weeks to live literally want to do everything they can and see everyone to say goodbye
I guess the lucky (if u can call it lucky) thing here is that theyve been given that warning. That chance to say goodbye.
With my illness, i could literally die at any point. Without any warning and without any friends or family

I sucks.

It feels like im in prison and on deaths row. Just casually sat here waiting for it to be my time.

Why is more not being done about asthma.

Why is there no media on it. No regular press releases. No regular adverts raising awareness. We deserve that is nothing else right!?

Im not going to go into details to justify why i would end my life in a second because there are to many reasons. All you need to know is that, asthma sucks. The side effects from all these life saving lung medications suck.

Dont take your life for granted. You never know when it may abruptly come to an end.

TTFN

XXXX

Yuk

Ok so yet again things are crap.

All weekend ive felt like shit. To put it plainly.

Saturday my oxygen levels wanted to start dipping and by last night i was down to 89%. My pulse was up at 160 and i was trying to be sick...no that sounds wrong. Basically following my tummy surgery it is impossible for me to be sick so my body was going through the motion of being sick but no liquid from my tummy could actually escape.

Ive literally been a vegetable in bed all weekend because of feeling so poorly and im also suffering from yet another migraine.

Tonight i was checking my oxygen levels and they are now sitting at 86%.

I thought my sats monitor was playing up initially so i put it on my other halfs finger but it came up at 98% so its clearly just me.

Im refusing to be admitted. I cant. Next week we have something really important we have to do and im not missing out on this opportunity.

Really wish my lungs would get a grip and give me a break

TTFN

XXXX

Waiting For A Change

Sadly im still pretty much in the same mental state, no better but also no worse. Though i do wish that it would get better as its really playing on my mind.

On Thursday it was my best friends birthday and both myself and my oher half with my best friend went to alton towers. I drove us up there as im not a huge fan of coaches.

I was in my wheelchair all day as I just couldnt cope out of it. Because we got disability passes we were also allowed "special" passes which meant that we got to que jump and go straight to the front of every ride. With having this is meant we got on ever ride which was amazing.

By about 5pm i decided to stand up and stretch my legs for 5 minutes ready for the 6 hour drive home. Sadly though because another migraine had started hitting me, as i stood up i ended up collapsing straight down to the floor. Was out for the count on the floor of alton towers for an hour. When i woke up i felt really week, breathless, was shivering and generally felt like crap. I started driving us home but within an hour i had to stop at the services as i just couldnt cope anymore. After a good rest we set off again.

Thankfully my dad lives 10 minutes from my best friends house in bristol so i rang hime up telling him we were crashing at his house for the night. I literally felt like crap.

On friday, we set off home again stopping near on every hour and when we got home i literally went straight upstairs and slept for hours.

Something really took it out of me. My temperature has been sky high since and i am feeling chesty so ill be sending another sputum sample on monday in the hope itll give answers.

My other half has been making her owl cake that someone has ordered and it looks blinking amazing, ill have to show u all a picture once its complete.

TTFN

XXXX

The Good And The Bad.

Ok so yesterday I completed my 3rd box for sending off the the NICU units. (Will upload photo tomorrow). I have as of today though officially made 102 hats so nearly the 4th box done...yay

In sad (ish) news though, myself and my partner last night that Mr Spice who is our gramfer rabbit at the age of 7 hadnt eaten or drank anything all day. So today we squeezed some rabbit juice into hit mouth which incouraged him a little bit and thought we would give him a few hours to pick up with food. By 1630 though nothing had been touched so i got some of his nuggets and added water to them and we managed to syringe fed him roughly 100ml of this. I have a feeling its his teeth again. I rescued him when he was 2 and his previos owner sadly just fed him bread and banana which meant he didnt touch hay for the main stages of his life. As a result, he refuses to eat it now meaning his back teeth are over growings and he keeps needing surgery. With the fact that hes eating the food when its practically liquid im guess my thoughts are correct. If he still hasnt eaten anything tomorrow though he will have to go to the vets as he will need surgery.

To end my busy last 2 days, I have also made my wedding shoes. They are just drying from the glue and when i get five minutes tomorrow, ill take a picture and post it here too.

Im feeling a little poorly though. I woke up relly struggling this morning and coughing lots and ive kind of not really picked up all day. Im praying its the weather but we shall see.

TTFN

XXXX

Justgiving

In a few previous posts i have told you about a challenge i have set myself.

Because i have become a lot worse both muscles wise and lung wise i am pretty much stuck in bed unless its for an appointment and then im stuck in wheelchair.

So instead of sitting here feeling more sorry for myself i decided to set my set a challenge of knitting 4950 baby hats. 30 for every NICU unit throughout England.

I have so far knitted 12. 4 today alone.

Although they are hats for NICU units I have decided I want to raise money for a charity very close to my heart. Thisll be my second time raising money for them...

ASTHMA UK

Are my choose charity.

Your support will do me wonders. I have set up a just giving page so please please please support me by donating and sharing my page amongst your friends.

You could save my life by finding research to give me a better medication. You could chanhe my life around!!

Here is my page, keep sharing and please donate. It only has to be a small amount

Your page: http://www.justgiving.com/Charlie-Hockaday-Williams

TTFN

XXXX

Happy But Frustration

Ok ok so the main part of the day has been fantastic I took Dixie to the camel trail whilst my other half was at her fitness class and she blinking loved it. Running up and down, and then of course we found a river. She was straight in. Shes such a water puppy, its great to see. With the weather being so great and her amazing reaction with the weather, weve decided that tomorrow we are off to Par beach. Fingers crossed shell remember the beach and continue to love the water. A medical update: I had my clinical psychologist from Birmingham ring me today to check up on my local care and to see how I was coping with my severe PTSD. I had to explain to her that the local care has infact failed. Ive had no follow up so ive been trying to keep coping on my own. Lets just say shes not impressed at all. In other medical news, my lungs have remained cruddy, sats still dropping and needing lots of salbutamol. Im still subconsciously ignoring it though as I want to live my life. Im not giving into my asthma. I refuse. In complete other situations (the other half of my title), im getting really upset and frustrated with my mother in law. Shes picking fault with everything we are doing and constantly causing arguments. Its driving me insane. I dont feel like a 23 year old anymore. I feel as though im 10 again, living with my mum constantly being dictated to. Im pretty sure it shouldnt happen. Ok granted I ignor all the arguing between my partner and her mum untill it involves me but with how my mental health is its driving me further down. I reay have no idea what to do. I feel the only solution is to move out but untill theres something withing the council we cant. Its making me feel crap!! I have a huge headache now so im off to sleep now. TTFN XXXX

Just Another Day

Up nice and early today because I had OT coming to measure me up for the stair lift im having fitted. Thankfully thatll stop me falling on the stairs like I done yet again tonight. After all the measuring I then dropped my lovely girlfriend off at Bernados for her 3 hours of volunteering. Whilst she was there, I filled my time with walking Dixie, sorting our flowers out and chucking the dead ones, eating some diinner, nebbing and sleeping. When I woke I felt like absolute shit and rather puffed. As a result I had a quick (ish) dash to the mirror, noticed my lips were blue, so went and got my sats monitor...90%. Bollocks. Quick nebbing session before I had to get my lovely lady again. Thankfully im feeling a little better this afternoon and evening so ill see how I go before I ram any more steroids down my neck. Weve also found another feild to which we are allowed to walk Dixie and blinking heck she blinking loved being back in a feild again chasing a ball. For a squidgy puppy she aint half blinking adorable. Other random things about my life today...my GP receptionist rang me because my GP wants to see me so the had to arrange and appointnent. Its planned for the 28th. When I asked if she knew what it was with regards to, she thinks he said it was because I need to start a new medication. Im baffled as to what for so it should be interesting. And final news for the day to put a smile on your face...today ive lost another 2lb and a quarter in weight so since 6th January this year I have now lots 1stone and a quater and a grand total since the start of my weight loss last August of 3stone and a quarter. I just have another 2 stone to go and im at my healthy weight. Really hope I can do it. Hope your all well. TTFN XXXX

Lush!!

Waking up this morning, I was determind to actually rest...I started off doing that after doing our morning walk with Dixie around the feild. We then sat in the back garden (on the comfy chairs) watching the rabbits, lapping up the sunshine. Sadly though even though it was 15 degrees, I was sat in a coat as I was so blinking cold. I took my temperature at around lunch time and it was raised...no wonder I was cold. After our amazeballs sunday lunch, myself and my partner went for a stroll to find a new feild for Dixie as the farmer has now put sheep in the feild we were using. That walk turned into and hour and a half walk. Oops. I was in agony. To top it off, we never did find a field. After so much walking, it was time for a cuddle on the sofa watching a film, and todays film was "dream house" with Daniel Craig, and I have to say, its a bloody good film. Trying to stay healthy with our food, we have ran out of soup so had to raid the fridge. Thankfully I managed to russle up an amazing tuna salad. Was suprisingly satisfying. Once I had done my afternoon meds I was getting irritable and my head was really screwing me over again so I asked my lovely lady if we could go for another walk. Thankfully we agreed and went on the hunt for another field. In the hope we had potentially found one and getting excited, we followed the public footpath...but all of a sudden it came to an end and we could go no further, so we returned home. Completly in a world of our own, we realised that we had been out for another 45 minute walk. Oops again We are not snuggled up in bed, morphined up, drinking hot chocolate and watching One Tree Hill. Life is perfect. TTFN XXXX

Something New

When I went to asda yesterday, I was gutted to find out that they had sold out of easter biscuits...I mean come on, its still a week away. To resolve this, my lovely girlfriend said that as shes never made them before, she would love to give them a try and blinking heck they tasted good. We have been controlled though. Weve only shared one between us for today andvwe have four more between us ove the next few days. I was mega impressed with how they turned out as shes never made them before. What do you think?! :

Even though it was only half a biscuit that I have eaten, I felt really bad so punished myself...and todays punishment is that I walked around the feild 4 times at three different stages of the day. To be ho esr, I think I have the beginnings of an obsession going on. Im so fixated on loosing weight and its now got to the point im now weighing at the beginning and end of everyday. I really dont know what to do. I think its started because I had climbed up to 16 and a half stone and so many doctors have told me that my weight would make my asthma worse. For me that was enough to scare me so I guess I have to loose it. After our second walk of the day, I was in agony so had some more morphine, snuggled with my lady and our pooch on the sofa and watched a film. Todays film was "exit himanity". Although at the beginning I though it was a really bizarre film, I soon came to liking it. Its weird because it has a narrator ever now and then. But it explained the in depths if what was going on just incase you didnt pick it out whilst it was made visually the first time. So for me its a film with a thumbs up. In crappy news...I think I have another infection brewing. Im getting a lot more puffed out, I have pain in my left lung and I am rather bubbly with my lungs. My temperature has only raised a small amount so id feel like a fraud going to the GP at this stage. Just hope it doesnt get to bad by next weekend as we r supposed to have a friend staying down and visiting is. Only time would tell I guess. TTFN XXXX

Scream And Shout And Let It All Out.

Lush little day. Well, thats how it started any how. Myself and the lady to Dixie for a walk like usual. I then had to drop my other half at the camel trail as she was meeting up with her healthy lady. To which they done more walking and then as soon as I picked her back up an hour later we went off swimming. Unfortunatly we didnt stay as long as we would have liked because a mass load of holiday makers came in and took over the place. When we got home, it was roughly time to feed Dixie. (And heres where the title comes from.) Two seconds after we put Dixies food down on the floor, my other halfs mum walks in from upstairs, demands for us to pick up Dixies food because her dog was coming in. We asked her to wait a few minutes to give Dixie time to actually eat, but no she storms in, picks it up and puts it on the table leaving Dixie with nothing. I wouldnt mind but we warm Dixies meat up as she prefers it like that and each time its being taken away from her, it then goes warm and then she eats nothing. The next thing to which not only pissed me off but upset me is that I had the two youngest rabbits in the run as we didnt manage to get them in there yesterday.Dixie was casually outside laying in the sun, not having a care in the world about the rabbits. My other half mum comes down stairs again and I told her, ease dont let Lottie out right now as Dixie is out there and the rabbits are still in the run. So what does she go and do. Let Lottie out and she strolls back in. Immediatly I can hear that they were up to no good, and she must of to as she goes back out side and is shouting at her dog to get off the run. Next thing I know, shes ran indoors screaming at me saying the rabbits have got out the run. (Same scenario as yesterday). We manage to get the dogs back inside and then she stands over me whilst watching me struggle with two rabbits and the run and says to me "how are they managing to get out all of a. Sudden?!". Admittedly my response was sharp and it went something like "because your dog keeps jumping on the run, pulling it around (to which there are now small holes in the canvas) and they have ripped up the pegs leaving a massive hole for them to hop in and out. Next time, one dog out her at a time and we will have to watch them". After sorting them out, I went back in and got a little upset, because if it was Spice who I call my grampher rabbit, he would have been dead. Hes 7 years old so is bloody old for a rabbit and we are actually suprised hes still going. But the stress of a dog jumping on him would literally give him a heart attack. As a rest, im not blinking scared to let him in the run which is unfair. Tonight because I was so stressed and upset, I asked my other half if we could take Dixie fir her second walk early and then go upstairs to bed and watch a film. To which she said yes and thats where I am now...though the film has finished and I am nowing doing my bed time nebulisers and physio. The film we watch by the way was "inhabited". Ive had it for years but my lovely lady has never seen it...she kept jumping and cuddling into me as she was so scared ha. Its only a 12 I think as well. Bless her. Well, its been another long day for me, and im ready for the planned PJ weekend so ill chat to you all tomorrow. TTFN XXXX

The Future Is Bright...The Future Is Painful

Ever considered what asrhma could be like...actually, ill better that, ever imagine what an asthma attack could feel like. So say that answer that, putva peg on your nose, put a straw in your mouth and breathe. Take it a step furtherx run up the stairs. You feeling daring, run 1500 meters. I bet you get stuck with trying to walk up the stairs let alone anything else. For me, this is pretty much how I feel on a daily basis. I stryghle to breathe with no break. To be honest, I cant actually remember what it is like to breathe "normally" so to speak. One thing that really winds me up is that many people assume that life with asthma is a few pumps of a blue inhaler and life goes on. Unfortunatly, for many there is more to that than this. For me, life with severe brittle asthma has been life changing, you could never live my life if your not use to it, believe me, its taken me four years as it is and im still not there. In America, they actually make their citizens aware of what its like to have asthma. They teach people so that there are no assumptions. This in tern im sure leads to better control and treatment. I wouldnt know for sure as insurance for me to fly out of this country is £6000. Yes you have read that right. Its this high because of all my medication, because I cant walk very far at all and also because in the last 4 years ive been to intensive care 11 times. Heres a video I found on youtube to show that America really do show you things in true light (*WARNING, IT IS EXTREME SO PLEASE ONLY WATCH IF YOU ARE PREPARED*) https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KtiATXtIjlk Ok so now that ive had my rant about asthma because im pissed off with the way ive been treated and told that I "just" have asthma etc etc etc...I had to get it out my system as its not "just" asthma its my friggin life, and its ruining it. On the note of ruining my life, im fed up with being in pain and im fed up with this muscle weakness. I literally xant take any more pain releif and well as for my muscles, theres absolutly nothing can be done. Life shouldnt have to be like this. I should be able to live daily being carefree like everyone else. Being able to walk out the door and just worry about whether I have my purse. Keys and phone instead of this and, nebiser machine, spare nebules, epi pens, steroids, antihistamines, crutches, wheelchair, pain releif, and much more. If I wasnt so scared and had the chance to, I would end things right now. Life isnt happy when your living thiis life. Its unreliable. Unpredictable and uninspiring!! I hate it... TTFN XXXX

Give Or Take

Apologies to all my followers for not blogging last night but as you know my other halfs dad is currently in hospital and as no one else apart from me can drive I have been running around like a headless chicken. As a result, last night I was really poorly and just went to bed. Of course I dont have to do all this running around, but the way I see it is that when im next in hospital they would do the same for me. They would run my other half up and back from the hospital to visit me, they would bring me items I need and they woyld try and keep my spirits up so in my head it means I have to do the same for them. I wish I didnt think like that but I just cant see any other way around things. We think though that her dad may be home later today but annoying I still have to drive the 45 minutes to the hospital and then the 45 minutes home again. I also have to run my other half back to the same hospital tomorrow as she has an appointment and then I have to drive to Taunton on Wednesday which is 2 and a half hours to get there for a hispital appointment for myself. I wish I didnt drive. It hurts me so much. My muscles have gotten weaker and weakers because of the extra strain on them and now I literally feel like shit. I guess these things ha e to happen though. Thats what families do, they come together in times of need. TTFN XXXX

Mentally Down

I know, I know, ive just done a blog, but thats about my day. This is about my mind. I have severe PTSD. Im STILL waiting for CBT. Ive been abandoned by the health care system. Im feeling alone. Im feeling scared. Im feeling vunerable. Could I harm myself...ive do e it before!! That previous few lines is exactly what has been going through my head for the last few days. I really dont know what to do. What has made it worse, and what nobody seems to be seeing is that my father in law has been admitted to the same hospital that I was admitted to, two days before christmas last year. Hes been admitted to the same ward I started off in before I was rushed to ITU. Im taking the same routes to get to his bed that I was taken before I was nearly dead. No one has asked me how ive been walking back into that hospital. No one has asked me if my flash backs and panic attacks have gotten worse since stepping back into the hospital. No one has offered to stay with me for five minutes when I need a breather to sort my head out. Yes ok, I know, a member of their family is in hospital and is poorly. Im not being horrible, but his observations or stable, hes not on oxygen, not being closly monitored and the doctors arnt worried about him. Hes only now still in hospital to sort out warfrin that he is now on. This may sound very selfish to anyone reading this, but when you have been that close to death, unfortunatly you have to try and live life, and frustraitingly my life is being restricted in more ways than one and I hate it. I want my life back I want to start a family and not have them worried about all my health needs I was the flash backs to stop I just want to be me!! TTFN XXXX

Really!?

Could you ever imagine what a day in my life could be like!? Well here is yet another day of being turned upside down. Latly now because of getting up so early, my body clock now seems to think 0730 is the perfect time for me to be awake. Fun. I guess with being up so early the day may aswell have been started, so after my.morning medications we toddled off to the feild. Annoyingly though we had to bring my mother in laws dog with us. We only managed to walk around the feild twice though as I was bloody shattered. After all of that walking we then had to do a mad dash to the post ofgice as the post man is starting to get rediculous again with not posting our parcels. It seems as though I am now instantly the person that has to run everyone around. With having to take my father in law to hospital we had to leave his car at the doctors surgery, and because my mother in law was having a stress that it may have got damaged, she rang the rac and through mobility she got it driven home. Thats fine, I dont mind helping with that to some extent because you cant help being poorly, but what hacks me off is, my mother in law can infact actually drive and is insured to drive their car, she just doesnt want to. I stead I am being made to run around. All in all to dat, I have driven from home, to Bodmin, to Wadebridge, to home, to Truro, to St Austell and then back home again. I had to miss my lunch time medication because of being in the middle of driving which cause my lungs to get pissed off and it also meant I couldnt have any pain relief because of the drowsiness it cause which it turn has left me crippled in pain. Thankfully because of my amazing girlfriend, as soonas we got home she dosed me high with drugs and cooked me a lovely tea. After about 2 hours I was now in less pain than before. Enough that I could walk a little and decided to quickly dash around the feild again with Dixie as its really unfair for her to miss out hust coz my body is screwed up. Im praying that I dont have to run everyone around tomorrow as I really cant cope with it. On other notes, my father in law had a CT scan with dye to find out what was causing his breathlessness and it turns put he has clots in both lungs. He sadly though is adiment that its his diabetes that has caused this, no matter how many times we tell him different. He says that just hecause he is 19stone and immobile (to some degree) that that wouldnt have caused the clots. I guess this is a little sadening as it means he wont change his lifestyle. Some might say that this could be a warning to him. I guess if hes not willing to accept that his lifestyle isnt the factor for his stint in hospital then hes not going to get that reality check for his life. Sad really. TTFN XXXX

Why Cant One Day Be Simple!?

With an intentional early rise this morning, who knew that the day could turn out so god damn shit!! First off, we were intending on going swimming, but both my other half and her dad had to go to the doctors. My lady has been refered to someone a little more specialist to help out with a new problem that shes got (I say new, but weve been back and forth to the GP so many times over the last year, but theyve only just decided they cant control things any more). Sadly though, with her pops, I ended up having to drive him to hospital on the GPs orders. Hes had an increase in his shortness of breath over the last two days that his inhaler wasnt sorting and was getting a lot of chest pain. An update on him as of an hour ago after an xray, ecg and blood work, he may have a possible small PE. As a result, he is being kept in overnight just incase. I hope its nothing to bad, but on the other hand, maybe this could be a wake up call for my other halfs parents crappy diets and lack of exercise. But, will update you more on what is going on when we know more. I have to go pick up my mother in law who is currently still at hospital, im just hoping its pretty darn soon as im normally in bed by now. The other shit oart of today is that we had the council man come around today after he refused to put in a stair lift for me two which two medical professions told him I need and boy didnt I have yet another go at him. On a good note though, we are now getting a stair lift. On a bad note, hes only doing this for the mean time because he is basically kicking the four of us out. As aparently there are no homes in cornwall with two large double bedrooms either, me and my other half now need to venture on our own. Weve been told we have to sign up to home choice and start bidfing on properties. The council man also told us that they cant help us out anymore financially (because we told him were struggli.g to live off the parents on our income of benefits), he then also told us that the homes come unfurnished and that he also cant help us there either ( which im pissed about as ive just sold all my storage kit to which held my first flats living stuff. We are well and truly screwed. I went straight upstairs and just cried. We cant afford to live on our own, and the chance of me now getting a home that is suitable for my needs is zero to none. The council man ill just add said that if my other halfs parents got a house first, we would have to leave at the same time whether we had a home or not. So this twat is willing to make an ill and disabled person homeless. What the heck is the world come to. More stress to add to my life. I just want one day where I xan sit, chill and be my self. When do you think that may be!? TTFN XXXX

Overdone It Again!!

I knew today was going to not only but busy but also hectic and stressful. Thanks to our darling pup, we were awake at 7am so just decided the day may aswell begin. After sorting out the rest of our pets and eating breakfast we headed off to the swimming pool. I told myself I was doing 100 lengths as punishment for eating rubbish food yesterday, and, I done it but it killed me. As a result tonight both my lungs and muscles have officially given up. When we left the swimming pool we had to drive round to the tip and unload a car full of crap that I just can no longer keep since moving in with my other half. It was sad to see many things go, but heres to the future right!? We finally manged to get home at lunch to which my other half set off for doing the final touches to the cake ready for the naming ceremony tomorrow. I on the other hand, read up on some photography and downloaded a new software onto my computer that my sisters in laws purchased me. Eventually this evening I did start helping with the cake though as time was pushing on and I didnt want my other half stressing. I wanted to leave the majority to her though, as shes amazing at these sorts of thinfs and its only fairvas im doing my part on the actual day by creating the memories through photography. As I mentioned, we started the cake at lunch time which was roughly around one ish, and we finished all of half and our ago which was roughly 2230. Ill try and get a picture of the cake to upload for you all to esee over the next few days. Suspiciously, (dont want to build my hopes up) but today and yesterday I have been feeling so hugry and wanting to eat everything insight. Im just craving food soooo much. Im not sure if this is a sign of a positive note, or just because ive had my steroids up again. Lets just say im hoping its not the second thought. Complete change of subject now, but, I never understand why I put my body through so much. Every day thus week weve been busy with something, and now after tiday ive completly screwef my body up again. Im hoping I havnt screwed it up to beyond movement tomorrow meaning ill end up letting my friends down. This and fir next week when me and my other half are having our official first un hotel holiday break with just us...oh and Dixie!! Ive always loved camping and other than camping in the back garden for a tester experience last year, my other half has never done it. I was determind that this year it was finally going to be ticked off my bucket list again as since my illnesses become so bad, ive not been able to go, but this year ive decided to say sod it, I could be dead by the end off the year, I need to start living for today...so thats what im doing. Right, I better go, got a blinking lit to do tomorrow and ive got physio and nebs to do now!! TTFN XXXX