Ever heard of a song called "here is the fear" by Kareb Jones!?
I have!! She sang at my Confirmation when i was 17 and this song has stuck with me. It help me when i was in a house fire a few years ago and it has also helped me when i was in a relationship that turned violent.
It remains with me till this day and i keep playing it in my head right now.
the reasoning behind this is because me and my partner are still in the dark for whether we could be homless for good in a few weeks.
As you know, last friday my partners parents got offered a bungalow to live in instead of this house. Theu have voewed the outside and have measured up all their furniture and are currently waiting for a phone call so they could view the inside.
We of course havnt been told this as such, we just happen to be in the next room and they are talking about everything.
I keep fearing that we wont have anywhere to live. That mine and my partners health is going to deteriorate drastically through all the moves and money worries. I also fear that all this will put me in hospital.
All i want to do now is end my life. If i want around, my partner wouldnt have all thos hell from her family about us. She wouldnt have to move and have the threat of having no house and she would be stable mentally...today i truly cant be botherd. All ive done medication wise is my morning tablets. i dont want to take anything else. If i no longer exist within this house then there is no strain on anyone. No hassle for who i am and no stress for who my partners with.
Fear is the biggest mental worry a human can ever have.
Today its hit me hard
TTFN
XXXX
Right you. Stop thinking like this! Of course your partner wouldn't be better off without you! She loves you and you will both get through this horrible time. Don't give up. I do understand how you feel but you can keep going. Much love xx
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