happiness vs tension

To start things off I am over the moon to tell you all that myself and my lovely lady now officially have the same surname. Some may think this is crazy, but to us its the next best thing to getting married and as we cant afford that yet, this is equally as great and both ends up with the same result. The second best thing about this is that when we eventually start a family, we will all now have the same surname, we will be more like a joint family Excited at last!! Where there us good news though, there is always bad news. My other halfs sister got really horrible about the fact we didnt tell her we were planning on changing our names, she also said it was pathetic that we done it. As well as this, she then started getting pissy about some of the statuses we put on facebook - erm excuse me, but is it not my facebook!? If you dont like it, delete me!! This caused a huge argument within the house and really didnt help situations. In other news, things are still very much the same with regards to the puppies, my girlfriends mum and her general attitude daily. The atmospher as a result is crap, theres no longer nice jolly daily conversations, just constant bitching, jealouse and snappy talking. I hate it, i moved out from my mum because of things like this, I dont need it again. Im just really pleased that it hasnt come between me and my girlfriend as that would be really decestating. Well im off, got an appointment tomorrow at plymouth for my lungs so another busy day!! TTFN XXXX

Stressed Beyond belief!!

Okay so weve had the puppies for nearly three weeks now, and as mentioned in previous posts, my other half mum has been getting beyond rediculous with her behaviour towards everyone in the house. One minute there something wrong with her puppy as Dixie (our puppy) is doing more puppy like things compared to hers then the next minute Dixie is a little shit and is doing everything wrong posdible. She is also still reading far to much on the internet and constantly telling us all these different stories and how (in random peoples minds) think our puppy should be. I mean you wouldnt tell a new mum how their baby should be so why do it with a puppy. Last week, our puppy fell into the pond and nearly died as a result. As a result, for the last week, me and the other half has been banging on about how the pond needs to b made puppy proof...yet nothing has been done and suprise suprise, their dog walked across the net and nearly repeated Dixies move from last week. Thankfully we managed to retrieve her before it got worse!! There was a huge barny in the house today because the other halfs dad is getting equally pissed of with the whole situation with her mum. He (and I guess I do) wish we never got the puppies. Yes I love her to bits but the stress, tention and arguments it has caused is not right. A family should not be torn up by something so minor. On other notes, I got my wheelchair last week curtosy of the NHS and theyve come up trumps. Theyve provided me with one of the best action chairs just so I can get out and about again doing what I used to enjoy when my.musvles were perfect. As always with me of course, ive already snooped it up and have spongebob bands on the inner wheels and those annoying plastic things that go on childrens bike wheels on my spokes so I can piss everyone off in asda. Result!! We also tested Mr Wheelie down the camel trail on saturday and I loved it, I co u ld take photos without being exhauted, we could even get twice as far down the teail because I wasnt exhausted or out of breath. It really was perfect and made my day. Plus it was a day out of the hoyse with my lovely lady just the two of us, being us again. Well I best go, have to be up in 7.5 hours to drive to birmingham for an immunology appoint. Suvch fun!! TTFN XXXX

Excitment vs Fear

Since having little Dixie, my concerns over whether I think the other half is ready for a baby or not has been confirmed. I personally now feel that she would be fantastic.

How Ive come to this conclusion is that she has really stepped up her game and done a fantastic amount to help looking after her. She does everything I cant and really likes to get stuck in.

Ok at first she was a little jealous because Dixie was always coming to me for cuddles, but after reasuring her that in time Dixie will go to her and she will love her equally as much, she has come around to the idea that jealousy isnt needed.

This leads me to the exciting news that because the other half has changed to being a little more responsibly, today I have booked an appointment with a clinic in Wales to start a course of egg sharing to potentially start IVF to have a baby. Exciting...massivly!!

My fears on the other hand are still there with regards to the other halfs mum, and I have had a huge chat with the other half today about my concerns.

Im worried that shell try and take over or not like our way of parenting and start getting funny about it. The reason my I say this is because as previously mentioned in an old post, since weve had the puppies, she has become a stressed, moaning, constant internet reading (for the best looking after mode) and general annoying person. Dont get me wrong she is a lush person and I wouldnt have her any other way, but I dont want her to take over. This is mine and my other halfs baby, I want them to be looked after our way. No one elses!!

Well clinic is on the 7th Feb so untill then...

TTFN

XXXX

Eyes!!

Steroids are a bugger right!? Yes!! But without them my lungs would be erm...shitter than what they are now.

As a downside though you can get loads of nasty side effects, and my body sesms to like to get them all.

Recently,my eyes have been getting a lot lot worse, I already know that I have cateracts, but now im starting to panic that I have glaucoma.

The reason I think this is because Im getting a lot of headaches, even on waking up and my eyes havnt been used, Ive also got these weird little brown spots starting to appear in the iris part of my eyes. On top of this they are also getting a lot blurrier.

Ok I may be think of the extreme or it may just be my cateracts getting worse,but the thought of having glaucoma really scares the shit out of me.

Looks like im off to the opticians on my next pay day!!

TTFN

XXXX

Money Worries!!

I havnt a clue how Im going to get over this, bit I hate it.

Im not short of money as I save a crazy amount each month but each month I panic a ridiculus amount that Im going to run out of money or that Im not going to have enough to pay for all my bills.

We have a little book started this month where we are writing down any extra spendings that we are doing so we can monitor how much money we have left for us to spend on what we like.

Some people may think that doing that is stupid but with me being able to visually see the out goings it some how makes me feel better.

Im so pathetic about it, everytime we are out and I see a cash point I have to check my balance. This will still be done even if I know exactly how much is in there.

I want to get this stressful situation out of my head but I really dont know how Im going to do it...if you can think of any, comments would be greatfully welcome as it really is getting me down.

Anyhow, puppy is awake now so Im off

TTFN

XXXX

Frustration!!

Saturday was an amazing day. Me and the other half decided to invest in a puppy. Dixie is absolutly amazing, I couldnt have asked for anything else.

I have been a little naughty on the night times though. Because of my crappy lungs I dont sleep all that well so when Dixie is awake and winging a little bit, Ive decided for the past two nights to pick her up and cuddle her...yes,I know HUGE bad idea. I hope she wont pick up on it again tonight...or rather I dont give in as easily haha.

Well,the point of this post is because the other halfa mum is massively pissing me off and I have no idea what to do about it.

She also got a puppy on Saturday and wont get off the fucking internet reading about how best to train your new puppy. Shes then telling us all about it and then telling us that we shouldbt do this and we shouldnt do that...because the internet says so. Weve told her we dont care what the internet says, we are our own individual people and we want to teach and train our little girl as we want.

Also, we woke up at 9 today and the other halfs mum had ago at us...because Dixie was meant to be fed at 0730. If she was hungry she would have been awake and moaning, but she wasnt so if we wanna sleep we will!!

Other things are, shes getting nasty if our puppy wees on the floor by accident but then hers does it.

Shell also say that we shouldnt be cuddling Dixie as often as we are as she will become to dependant on us.

There is a whole lot more but I think if I tell you it all I may scare you away.

I want to live my life with my girlfriend and our pets and eventually our children.

To be honest im scared also. If shes treating us like this about a puppy, what the bleeding heck is she gunna do when we have our baby, is she gunna dictate and tell us were doing things wrong...I hope not!!

TTFN

XXXX

All Puppied Out!!

Yesterday me and the other half went out for a trip to Exeter with the parents as they were off looking at puppies for themselves.

When we got there, the lady decided to bring out her last two remaining bitch dogs and we all instantly fell in love with them both!!

Their mum is a sprocker (for those who dont know what that is, its a mixture between and cocker and a springer spaniel) and their dad...well we dont know. The mum decided she wanted to jump the wall and erm was pregnant.

We are so excited to have our new little girl with us, whos name is Dixie by the way.
She has given us so much love already, I didnt think it was humanly possible.

Our first night with her was different lets say that. We were up roughly every 3-4 hours with her either needing to take her outside for a wee or because she wanted to chew on her teething bone.

Shes only 6 weeks and is the smallest little madame ever!! Going to be so weirs this time next year as shell be about 4 times bigger.

TTFN

XXXX

Thinking, Dreaming, Making

Both myself and my partner have been searching and searching for many months for the right place, and we have finally found it.

I then had the issue that I had just needed a new set of blood tests to see if I had certain genetic disorders.

Now that we have finally found the place we feel suites us, we are going to go for it the minute we get the results of my blood test.

Ok that may be another couple of months but that can help me mentally prepare, right!?

The place that we have found is in Wales though so it will take us roughly 3 hours to get there but we currently feel like we fit in with that clinic and that they have helped us massively, yet we havnt even met them yet.

We have decided to also do egg sharing so that we can help someone who is struggling to have a family just like we are.

We are hoping 2014 will be a great year.

I just hope that my sister doesnt get as pissed with me wanting to start a family as much as she did because I got engaged before her. She needs to realise that my health is deteriorating and not only do I want to be able to carry a baby but I also want to be able to give our child as much as I can physically.

My family hasnt been that supportive for me as of yet so I guess I should realise that they may never be all that happy for me.

I just have to be tough

TTFN

XXXX

Todays Activities!!

With starting to crack down on my weight this week (to which was spurred on by my 2 stone weight loss last year) I have totally changed my diet and reduced my meal portions by half.

Annoyingly though because of my muscles, joints & lungs I cant do a lot of exercise. Actually pretty much none. So today, me and the other half plus her mum decided to bite the bullet and go swimming. This swimming pool is fantastic, you pay £3 each (which is rediculously cheap) and we seem to always be there on our own which is lush also.

I only managed 8 lengths and then sat there kicking my legs. But the other two enjoyed their selves and done a lot more lengths.

Im hoping that with having a bit  of exercise in my life now, itll help to maintain my muscles and also help to burn this extra bagadge that im carrying around.

Watch this space though, I could be in agony tomorrow and not be able to move anywhere.

For now...

TTFN

XXXX

Babies, Babies, Babies.

So for a few months now, myself and my other half have been thinking of starting a family.

My only reservations are that the other half is only just 20 and can still be very immature. Also, she on some occassions can barely look after herself let alone a little one aswell. Simple tasks can.be made out to be such a huge mountain for someone so able. Finally, the last two times she has been in the watchful eye of a baby, as in them sat in her lap, she has taken her eye off them and they have fallen over causing them to bump their head,and also, each time she seems to pick up one of the rabbits she seems to drop them. This last thought in particular really scares me as I dont want our child constantly being dropped.

We have finally found a clinic that we have liked, seemed to be the best with communication and really do sound like they want to help. Sadly though its in Wales so will take a fair few hours to get there.

We have also decided (if we can of course) to be an egg donor. This then allows someone who is unable to have a child to then have one...and sneakily pays for our treatment at the same time. To me that seems like a win win situation.

I really want a baby now, but my thoughts keep holding me back.

Another worry I have is that, because we are living with the other halfs parents, particularly her mum, are they going to try and take over!? I want to be this childs parent, I dont want them to be hands on, yes they can be the usual grandparents, but I want to do it my way. Theyve had four children, theyve had their turn. I want mine. We have told them these thoughts but my other halfs mums seems to have taken it badly and did on one occassion get a little snappy and sarcy about it, which to be honest pissed me.off for the reasons mentioned above!! I dont think its unfair, do you!?

Well as a result, it seems to have push my thoughts back for going to the clinic as soon as and getting the ball rolling.

Another sadness that I have is that, none of my family will really get to see the baby because they are so far up north and my other half and their family dont actually see that. Shes all dandy as her parents live here. My mum is the closest at 100 miles away, I hate it, anf honestly...I miss her!!

TTFN

XXXX

A Few Weeks In!!

A little hectic has to be said for this first few days of 2014 BUT I have enjoyed it - kind of.

Day one started off not so good as my lovely lady had suddenly picked up a tummy bug and from 3 am for a good 12-14 hours she was vomming none stop, felt so sorry for her as she was stuck in bed all day being poorly. Thankfully by the nexy day though she was a lot better.

To start off the new year, we decided that we wanted a fresh start so we have redecorated our room. Annoyingly it has taken a week and me ending up being poorly myself and in bed for a day,but it now looks stunning. We have a paint called malibu beach on three of the walls and on the fourth we have patterend wall paper that is of a charcal colour and has a variety of different birdcages on with yellow birds within them. Ok, it sounds a little strange but it looks stunning. We also now have our lush new canvas painting on the wall that our lovely sister in in law and her girlfriend has made for us for christmas and we also have a butterfly lapshade with very similar bedding that my other halfs parents got us for christmas. So our room is now set up nicely for when im having my rough days and cant leave my bed and it also just generally looks stunning to walk in and see.

I had an appointment today with the maxifacial team again, was meant to be getting my biopsy results but sadly because of the time of year that I had then done, they have been delayed a little. I have to say, not what I was expecting to hear when I walked in there so sadly have to wait around another week or two before I know what the lump was that I had growing in my mouth.

Generally all else in my little life has been great so far this year...touch wood. I have an appointment with ny new lung team in Plymouth on Wednesday so that could be a challenge, to which im sure youll hear about!!

I also completed the start of my photography portfolio today, the 9 photos that I have in there really do look stunning and for once I am proud of the work I have done.

Oh and its official, my sister is pregnant, and I am going to be the best aunty EVER of course lol.

TTFN

XXXX