Bite The Bullet

Ever getting the feeling that you have bit your tongue for three months now and when someone pisses you off over something so pathetic and trivial you just flip...well today I did.

Yesterday my partners mum was pathetic enough to moan that there was cake on the kettle and the cans had to be crushed becasue there was too many and then straight after passed a comment stating itll more than likely be her to do it as no one else round here does anything. I held my tongue with this as my lungs were really struggling.

BUT

Today when we went and put our bedding in the washing machine and we got told we were stupid for overloading the machine i had just about had enough and i flipped.

Indeed i said a lot but when your girlfriend is being made to feel like shes five, treated like shit by all her siblings and her parents, gets shouted at everytime she leaves the bedroom etc etc i could go on but my blog would be boring, all because weve not invited them to our god damn ceremony, i decided enough was enough. I dont remember exactly what i said but all i know is i mentioned something about treating my girlfriend the way the 2 blue eyes siblings were treated. Also they need to respect her like shes and adult and stop being such a bitch. Also i mentioned the stress that they are causing me was making me extremly poorly and my lungs really cant take it...

Although a lot more was said, i will stop there as on this last point, you may be just as shocked about the response i had with regards to my health:

"I dont give a shit about your health, get out of my house, your lucky i even allowed you to move in here"

Well that has hit the nail on the head. It proved my suspicions that they dont and have never liked me. They dont care that what they are doing to me could kill me and all in all they are selfish nasty pieces of work.

I and the love of my life are off to both citizens advice and hopfully the council tomorrow to state we need a home NOW.

The council bit may be difficult as 2 hours after our argument, we get told by the parents that if we went to the council theh would tell them they didnt kick us out, we walked out.

I mean not being funny, if you want us gone and have told us to go, why would you be so nasty as to say we caused it ourselves...hang on, wait, i do know: CONTROLL!! They currently have the upper hand yet again.

I wanted to cry today as they told me im lazy, speend to much time in the bedroom and do nothing around the housem

I cant physically stand at the sink doing dishes. Im in agony with my hip and cant sit downstairs as the sofa isnt supportive enough for me and their dog constantly keeps running into my legs. I also cant do the cleaning because all the products they have, have bleach in which causes me to have an asthma attack.

I feel hopless and shit. Talk about knocking me that little hit further in the ground for being a waste of a body in society!!

TTFN

XXXX

Days Like This Make Me Feel Lazy

So, last night I promised myself I will rest todays as I was just making myself beyond poorly, and thats exactly what I done, and I feel stupidly lazy with having done it, but its either rest up or land in hospital, I certainly know which sounds better. I filled my dad with reading mass loads of photography information to keep my mind active and keep me busy. My reasoning behind this is that I have started getting major flash backs again because if my severe PTSD. I figured that my best option would be to do something that would really challenge my mind rather than sitting infront of telly allowing my mind to wander. Granted it didnt help perfectly, but im pretty sure it could of been worse. My other half has been continuing her cake making ready for Saturday. I was sat out in the kitchen with her to keep glancing up to see her progress. It was lush to be able to just be us for the day. Made us bith really happy. My pops in law has also sorted my pc for me so I can properly crack down with my photography set up. Im so excited as although I am becoming more and more disabled each day, im not going to let it make me a complete vegetable. I just cant. On a random note, I keep driving my head insane. I keep thinking how lush it is going to be in a few weeks time if our test comes back positive and we know that our family is going to grow, and then I keep mentally twisting things about how rubbish a mummy im going to be because I cant run around or ride a bike and much more with any iggle piggles we may have. Am I being selfish. Am I setting myself up for failing. Will I mentally screw up our child!? I just dont know what to do. Im also pretty sure this stressing really isnt going to help. My PTSD is making life really hard again right now. I cant wait for this phase to go. For now though, im led snuggled with my lady watching 'Gravity' as it arrived in the post today. Excited!! TTFN XXXX