Tuesday 18 March 2014
Days Like This Make Me Feel Lazy
So, last night I promised myself I will rest todays as I was just making myself beyond poorly, and thats exactly what I done, and I feel stupidly lazy with having done it, but its either rest up or land in hospital, I certainly know which sounds better.
I filled my dad with reading mass loads of photography information to keep my mind active and keep me busy. My reasoning behind this is that I have started getting major flash backs again because if my severe PTSD. I figured that my best option would be to do something that would really challenge my mind rather than sitting infront of telly allowing my mind to wander.
Granted it didnt help perfectly, but im pretty sure it could of been worse.
My other half has been continuing her cake making ready for Saturday. I was sat out in the kitchen with her to keep glancing up to see her progress. It was lush to be able to just be us for the day. Made us bith really happy.
My pops in law has also sorted my pc for me so I can properly crack down with my photography set up. Im so excited as although I am becoming more and more disabled each day, im not going to let it make me a complete vegetable. I just cant.
On a random note, I keep driving my head insane. I keep thinking how lush it is going to be in a few weeks time if our test comes back positive and we know that our family is going to grow, and then I keep mentally twisting things about how rubbish a mummy im going to be because I cant run around or ride a bike and much more with any iggle piggles we may have. Am I being selfish. Am I setting myself up for failing. Will I mentally screw up our child!? I just dont know what to do. Im also pretty sure this stressing really isnt going to help.
My PTSD is making life really hard again right now. I cant wait for this phase to go.
For now though, im led snuggled with my lady watching 'Gravity' as it arrived in the post today. Excited!!
TTFN
XXXX
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Ah don't worry hun. All mum's worry about being a good mum etc. I'm sure you'll be a great mum, can tell that cos u r already worrying about it.
ReplyDeleteCan I ask what triggered your PTSD? I have flashbacks about being in ITU etc.
Last night ended up in A&E. Home now but very tired! X
Silly to worry though, especially if u dont even know whether there is a baby growing yet.
ReplyDeleteAsk away, my biggest trigger for my PTSD is traumatic event during asthma incidents. Particularly ITU and HDU. because of the amount and length of time and all the things that have happened to me during these attacks I now suffer really bad flash back. To the extent that I zone out off the area that I am currently in and start reliving it in re life so to speak. So I need some one to sort of tug me or throw something at me (has to be phydical not verbal) to bring back to the room. Stupidly though, I left it 3 years to get help because I was being stubborn and didnt want to admit to myself there was something wrong and it was only up untill I had a friend die from an attack last year that it scared me even more and I admitted I needed help.
Thats not good that u ended up in hospital, though great that u wasnt admitted. Hope you managed to catch up on rest and sleep today xx
I think I'm struggling to cope with all thats happened to me too. Helps to know someone gets it!! I think in some ways my asthma scares my family/friends more than it does me. Hope the help you are getting can get you over this period of flashbacks.
ReplyDeleteYeah wasn't good to need hospital but they got me sorted. Have spent today on the sofa and slept for most of it!! Still feel tired and like I've been kicked in the chest!! Not sure I'll make it to work tomorrow. Hope u r doing ok today xx
Sadly my help is on standstill. Birmingham severe brittle asthma unit diagnosed it, but because I need weekly treatment, I cant drive from cornwall to birmingham for that treatment. Theyve wrote to my lical to tell them what treatment I need but as if yet theyve not responded.
ReplyDeleteI think if your experiencing these flashbacks etc, it would be very wise to mention it to your consultant so they can refer you to a specialised asthma psychologist before it gets to far or to the level im at. There is also support ur family etc can get if they mention it to their GP.
Glad they managed to sort you out atleast if for the time being. If your not feeling ready for work though, dont rush back as itll end up making u an inpatient and ull be off work for longer!? Could u maybe take the rest of the week off!? Xx
I didn't even know there was such a thing as a specialist asthma psychologist!! Will def ask about it at next appointment. My boss just txt me and said if I need more time to recover then I should take it x
ReplyDeleteYup there sure is, especially those linked with specfic asthma consultants. It helps that bit more as other psychologists, although good, there not specific with illnesses, more on general life and events.
ReplyDeleteI would definatly listen to your boss if your feeling rough, and if you really want to do something, stay at home and chill on the sofa with a cuppa and do some marking c: xx
Will see how I sleep tonight and how I feel in the morning. Do u find you feel sore and achey after a bad attack? My muscles in my upper body ache and I feel like I've been kicked in the chest! X
ReplyDeleteYh, always have mega achy lungs and muscles during flare ups, doesnt help that I have a muscle disease and low phosphate ans that makes them weaker and means the cant handle things as much and then also take longer to recover. Thankfully, each time I get throygh it!! Xx
ReplyDeleteIs the muscle disease because of the steroids? Sorry to ask so many questions!! But I do appreciate it all x
ReplyDeletePlease dont apologise, it really is ok, I started this blog to be able to reach others and help if I can. Yeah, the muscle disease is because of the steroids. Any 'normal' person could have a steroid sparing drug, which is basically steroids without the side effects, but these have risks, and for my, coming off steroids would make me very much a lot poorlier than I am now so sadly I have to stay on them xx
ReplyDelete