Bite The Bullet

Ever getting the feeling that you have bit your tongue for three months now and when someone pisses you off over something so pathetic and trivial you just flip...well today I did.

Yesterday my partners mum was pathetic enough to moan that there was cake on the kettle and the cans had to be crushed becasue there was too many and then straight after passed a comment stating itll more than likely be her to do it as no one else round here does anything. I held my tongue with this as my lungs were really struggling.

BUT

Today when we went and put our bedding in the washing machine and we got told we were stupid for overloading the machine i had just about had enough and i flipped.

Indeed i said a lot but when your girlfriend is being made to feel like shes five, treated like shit by all her siblings and her parents, gets shouted at everytime she leaves the bedroom etc etc i could go on but my blog would be boring, all because weve not invited them to our god damn ceremony, i decided enough was enough. I dont remember exactly what i said but all i know is i mentioned something about treating my girlfriend the way the 2 blue eyes siblings were treated. Also they need to respect her like shes and adult and stop being such a bitch. Also i mentioned the stress that they are causing me was making me extremly poorly and my lungs really cant take it...

Although a lot more was said, i will stop there as on this last point, you may be just as shocked about the response i had with regards to my health:

"I dont give a shit about your health, get out of my house, your lucky i even allowed you to move in here"

Well that has hit the nail on the head. It proved my suspicions that they dont and have never liked me. They dont care that what they are doing to me could kill me and all in all they are selfish nasty pieces of work.

I and the love of my life are off to both citizens advice and hopfully the council tomorrow to state we need a home NOW.

The council bit may be difficult as 2 hours after our argument, we get told by the parents that if we went to the council theh would tell them they didnt kick us out, we walked out.

I mean not being funny, if you want us gone and have told us to go, why would you be so nasty as to say we caused it ourselves...hang on, wait, i do know: CONTROLL!! They currently have the upper hand yet again.

I wanted to cry today as they told me im lazy, speend to much time in the bedroom and do nothing around the housem

I cant physically stand at the sink doing dishes. Im in agony with my hip and cant sit downstairs as the sofa isnt supportive enough for me and their dog constantly keeps running into my legs. I also cant do the cleaning because all the products they have, have bleach in which causes me to have an asthma attack.

I feel hopless and shit. Talk about knocking me that little hit further in the ground for being a waste of a body in society!!

TTFN

XXXX

Wedding

For our special day we sent out the invites last month and asked for replies by 31st july which is today.

All of my family have replies which is lush but sadly only 3 people had replied from my other halfs so we sent out another messagse to people asking what they were doing.

My other halfs sister is still being mega pathetic and has said shes not coming and one of her brothers have said he has issues with how we are doing our special day so hes not coming either.
So out of the 3 siblings my other half has got, none are coming.

I feel gutted for her. Its totally unfair. All her mothers answer to it was, well its not really a wedding is it do you cant expect people to travel all that way for just a meal. Well lets just say i had had enough of their nastiness and i finally snapped explaining that it is a real wedding. We are legaally becoming mrs and mrs. We are devoting our lives to each other. Were just not inviting everyone to that particular part of the day and we dont want a party. Anyone that knows us both will know straight away a party is not us one bit so were not wasting money.

I just wish people, in particular would grow up and respect that this is how we want to get married.

In the end i had had such a shit time of their potty mouth that i walked out and took dixie for a stroll. Supidly though i went out for an hour and 20 minutes and then ate a family pack of chocolate.

To put it plainly i fucking hate them for what they are doing to us and how they are treating us.

TTFN

XXXX

Wants Life To End

Literally, after today i really cant take any more.

All weekend ive been  spiralling further and further down because of things that are going on and im getting toy far into my depression im now struggling to pull myself out.

Being at mums was good in the fact that it was just me and my beautiful girlfriend but in theory it was just putting off the inevitable.

As soon as we got home, the shit literally hit the fan.

Argument kicked off, we were called ever name under the sun and we were made to feel like utter crap

And guess what the cause of it was...yup you got it, the happiest day of our lives, our  wedding.

My family have suprisingly been very supportive and happy for us. My partners on the other hand have really really kicked off, to the point theyve now told me im no longer doing their wedding photography and my  partner is no longer their bridesmaid. All this is because they arnt coming to the "ceremony" section of our wedding.

We are both so upset.

Its our day, we dont get why we are being treates like this.

Ive now contacted the welfare team for the councel explaining the urgency to get our own house as i fear that if im kept in this situation i will try to end my life again. They are just seeing what they can do to help and then will get back to us.

In good news though, ive now completed hat number 150 so another box is complete and ready to send.

TTFN

XXXX

Pathetic

This morning I had to take my other half to the hospital for an appointment. She had to have her braces adjusted, a few other bits tweaked with and her jaw looked at to make sure everything was going in the right direction for her surgery that shes having towards the end of the year...hopefully. Thankfully everything everything is going perfectly and the treatment really is starting to work. The sad thing is that with things being played with today, shes got lots of pain so now we have to step up the pain releif again to make sure it doesnt get out of hand. Prior to us leaving, we had a huge barny with my other halfs mum. She knew we were going out and although my partners dad only came put of hospital last night she insisted that they had to go shopping. (Even though I could have done it). Wuth us all being out the house, she asked us where we were going to be putying Dixie to which we both replied, in the kitched like we always do. She wasnt impressed with this because unfortunatly on the weekend when we were at the hospital for 6 hours Dixie chewed the table. She wanted us to put her in our bedroom to which I refused because not only is there electric at the end of the bed and to the side of the bed but I have all my drugs. Thankfully my father in law agrees that itll be far to dangerous to keep her up there. Hes not nothered that the table got chewed because as he said again today, they didnt pay for the table and they are puppies. My mother in law argued that shes not having her stuff chewed which is why they got their puppy cage trained. As a result now they are telling myself and my partner that we have to by a dog pen for dixie to go in as they dont want to risk her chewing other stuff. Ive told them if they want her in one, they can pay for it as the are roughly £50. I refuse to cage train Dixie. So may say its amazing, but the idea of licking my dog in a small cage just doesnt appeal to me, not only is it restrictive for them, but they have no fluid or anything. I also see how stressed their puppy gets. I also panic and worry because when I was 16 I was involved in a house fire. Our old family home infact and I worry that if this was to happen again now, then Dixie would be trapped with no where to run. Why would you risk it, it doesnt make sense. Thankfully, no more has been said on the subject since we got home, but im sure it will. The rest of the day has generally been ok though. Im suffering really bad with my muscles thpugh, they keep giving out on me and I cant hold me head up again. Im having to prop it up on pillows. I really wish I didnt have this muscle disease. The rest I can cope with...kind of. Well, I best be off, I have a hospital appointment for myself tomorrow. TTFN XXXX

Could Any More Shit Possibly Happen!?

A day out of hospital and there I was casually relaxing on the sofa trying to recover. Untill my mum comes home.

She didnt ask me how I was or what I had been up to just "did you still have money to give me as Im short"

Lets go back a few steps and Ill fill you in. My mum moved her new boyfirend in a little over two weeks ago, so I told mum I was giving her less money as I should be payong thirds as thats fair. Her response to me for that was you can fuck off. Charming hey. Little did she know I was being deadly serious.

So reverting back to yesterday, I responded to mum about me being serious about not giving her as much money and that of her new boyfriend is giving her money also there was no need.

This kicked off a massive argument of her calling me a selfish cow, an ungreatful bitch and a few more nastiness. She also told me I should be paying her more for her having to run me up and down the country to my hospital appointments. I reminded her that mentally im not coping with yet another diagnosis (to which she said oh ok to) and also about my friend Dawn passing away-her answer to this was we all have friends that die. This argument went on for about 45 minutes to which I was crying my eyes out and devestated my mum gave more of a shit about me not paying her an extra £150 over my physical and mental well being. At the end of this argument mum told me to get the fuck out of the house.

Little did she know I would actually go also!!

5 minutes later her boyfriend come back and they went for a walk with the dog.

In that time I had pack all my medications and a few bits of clothes, grabbed my rabbits in their hutches (bearing in mind I shouldnt be lifting after my surgery) and I filled the car with as much as possible. I rang my girlfriend in a right state with what just happened and because her family are so bloody amazing they have allowed me to move in with them.

This is going to be a struggle hospital wise as itll take 5 hours to get to my birmingham appointments and im going to have to try and find a decent hospital now in cornwall.

I cant believe that not only have I got to deal with a rapidly deteriorating shit health but I now have to try and move all my stuff out. So much from recovering from surgery with major complications. Im just glad that I now have a lovely relaxed new home with great support and care so I can atleast try and recover a little bit.

Well thats it for the dramatic life of me!!

TTFN

XXXX