Why Cant One Day Be Simple!?

With an intentional early rise this morning, who knew that the day could turn out so god damn shit!! First off, we were intending on going swimming, but both my other half and her dad had to go to the doctors. My lady has been refered to someone a little more specialist to help out with a new problem that shes got (I say new, but weve been back and forth to the GP so many times over the last year, but theyve only just decided they cant control things any more). Sadly though, with her pops, I ended up having to drive him to hospital on the GPs orders. Hes had an increase in his shortness of breath over the last two days that his inhaler wasnt sorting and was getting a lot of chest pain. An update on him as of an hour ago after an xray, ecg and blood work, he may have a possible small PE. As a result, he is being kept in overnight just incase. I hope its nothing to bad, but on the other hand, maybe this could be a wake up call for my other halfs parents crappy diets and lack of exercise. But, will update you more on what is going on when we know more. I have to go pick up my mother in law who is currently still at hospital, im just hoping its pretty darn soon as im normally in bed by now. The other shit oart of today is that we had the council man come around today after he refused to put in a stair lift for me two which two medical professions told him I need and boy didnt I have yet another go at him. On a good note though, we are now getting a stair lift. On a bad note, hes only doing this for the mean time because he is basically kicking the four of us out. As aparently there are no homes in cornwall with two large double bedrooms either, me and my other half now need to venture on our own. Weve been told we have to sign up to home choice and start bidfing on properties. The council man also told us that they cant help us out anymore financially (because we told him were struggli.g to live off the parents on our income of benefits), he then also told us that the homes come unfurnished and that he also cant help us there either ( which im pissed about as ive just sold all my storage kit to which held my first flats living stuff. We are well and truly screwed. I went straight upstairs and just cried. We cant afford to live on our own, and the chance of me now getting a home that is suitable for my needs is zero to none. The council man ill just add said that if my other halfs parents got a house first, we would have to leave at the same time whether we had a home or not. So this twat is willing to make an ill and disabled person homeless. What the heck is the world come to. More stress to add to my life. I just want one day where I xan sit, chill and be my self. When do you think that may be!? TTFN XXXX

Becoming Aware

Today I received my indepth letter from the Birmingham psychologist after my appointment with her on the 5th of February. To an outside person or sombody medical like my local consultant or my potential new local psychologist this is one fantastic letter, but for me, it just hits home for how "poorly" my mind actually is. She startes that I have moderatly high post traumatic stress which is both on intrusions and avoidance and my scoring on one of the tests I had to do on the day was 59. Aparently the cut off period for the score is 33 so mine is pretty bad concidering. I still find it hard to know that there is something wrong and that if I hadnt of left it so long and tried fighting it myself then it potentially wouldnt have got tjis baf. I guess we learn from our mistakes hey!! I have tried doing some of the techniques that the psychologist taught me to do. Ive currently now drawn three pictures which are the nightmares Im getting made humorous. Ive also been doing a meditation technique called leaves on a stream. Ive had to hold back a little though because it has been getting really intense and really scaring me, making me want to cry all the time. It is also making me feel even more vunerable, and im trying my best to not let the other half see this. I dont want her to worry. I will of course let her read the three page letter if she likes, but if she wants to talk about it, itll have to ve later when her parents arnt around as I dont want them getting involved in my life. Yes they are technically now my family, but not directly, and I dont want everyone knowing my business. I am very much a private person and physically talking to people is hard. I never like the responses I get, they are either sad, cry worthy of negetive or on the other had, they are those annoying positive results which yes in reality would be good, but unless your living that particular life you will never know how hard it actually is!! Admittedly it is all starting to hit home and I am ready to break down but I dont want to make everyo.e else sad. Maybe I should start think about myself once in a while...if only it was that easy hey. Well I think that was a complete and utter bit of randomness and I bet half if it doesnt make sense...well welcome to my head ha. TTFN XXXX

Stressed Beyond belief!!

Okay so weve had the puppies for nearly three weeks now, and as mentioned in previous posts, my other half mum has been getting beyond rediculous with her behaviour towards everyone in the house. One minute there something wrong with her puppy as Dixie (our puppy) is doing more puppy like things compared to hers then the next minute Dixie is a little shit and is doing everything wrong posdible. She is also still reading far to much on the internet and constantly telling us all these different stories and how (in random peoples minds) think our puppy should be. I mean you wouldnt tell a new mum how their baby should be so why do it with a puppy. Last week, our puppy fell into the pond and nearly died as a result. As a result, for the last week, me and the other half has been banging on about how the pond needs to b made puppy proof...yet nothing has been done and suprise suprise, their dog walked across the net and nearly repeated Dixies move from last week. Thankfully we managed to retrieve her before it got worse!! There was a huge barny in the house today because the other halfs dad is getting equally pissed of with the whole situation with her mum. He (and I guess I do) wish we never got the puppies. Yes I love her to bits but the stress, tention and arguments it has caused is not right. A family should not be torn up by something so minor. On other notes, I got my wheelchair last week curtosy of the NHS and theyve come up trumps. Theyve provided me with one of the best action chairs just so I can get out and about again doing what I used to enjoy when my.musvles were perfect. As always with me of course, ive already snooped it up and have spongebob bands on the inner wheels and those annoying plastic things that go on childrens bike wheels on my spokes so I can piss everyone off in asda. Result!! We also tested Mr Wheelie down the camel trail on saturday and I loved it, I co u ld take photos without being exhauted, we could even get twice as far down the teail because I wasnt exhausted or out of breath. It really was perfect and made my day. Plus it was a day out of the hoyse with my lovely lady just the two of us, being us again. Well I best go, have to be up in 7.5 hours to drive to birmingham for an immunology appoint. Suvch fun!! TTFN XXXX