Hiding Away

Ok apologies for not having been here for a while.

On Thursday after my mobily scooter assessment (which was a-maze-ing) i was really poorly. I had yet another migraine plus my belly become extremly swollen and i was in agony. So i curled up in a ball and shut the world out.

Back to my scooter assessment though, weve found the perfect scooter and my other half has been taught how to take it apart and reassemble it. Sadly though its going to cost £1249 so unless i cant get the grants from charities im not going to be having it. It felt so amazing on it. i had freedom. I was my independant self again.

Friday was pretty pants. We were running around, going to doctors, posting parcels and my other half went to the gym. I was shattered and suprise suprise, by the end of the morning i had yet another migraine.

Uve decided that im going to the doctors on monday about my migraines as ive been on my increase tablets for a month now with no such luck so something needs to be done.

All weekend ive basically just chilled. We had a BBQ on friday which was nice thougj even at 6pm the heat was to much so i had to go back to bed and sit infront of the fan.

Today we are off to a place called Sibly back lake with Dixie and we are meeting up with 2 friends and their son. At tue moment it looks nice an overcast so im hoping that i wont get a migraine with sitting in my chair not getting away from the sun.

the stress of my other halfs parents have increased yet again and they were in the middle of slagging me off when they realied i could hear everyword as i was stood outside of the window. I felt gutted. Aparently its all my fault that their daughter is now selfish and never spends anytime with them. Im sorry but monday she volunteers at bernardos. Tuesday she goea to the gym. Wednesday she does to yoga. Thursday she goes to the gym and friday we go swimming. Not forgetting caring for me, baking cakes for her business and also taking Dixie for walks. I feel deflated. I dont know what ive done.

TTFN

XXXX

Why Cant One Day Be Simple!?

With an intentional early rise this morning, who knew that the day could turn out so god damn shit!! First off, we were intending on going swimming, but both my other half and her dad had to go to the doctors. My lady has been refered to someone a little more specialist to help out with a new problem that shes got (I say new, but weve been back and forth to the GP so many times over the last year, but theyve only just decided they cant control things any more). Sadly though, with her pops, I ended up having to drive him to hospital on the GPs orders. Hes had an increase in his shortness of breath over the last two days that his inhaler wasnt sorting and was getting a lot of chest pain. An update on him as of an hour ago after an xray, ecg and blood work, he may have a possible small PE. As a result, he is being kept in overnight just incase. I hope its nothing to bad, but on the other hand, maybe this could be a wake up call for my other halfs parents crappy diets and lack of exercise. But, will update you more on what is going on when we know more. I have to go pick up my mother in law who is currently still at hospital, im just hoping its pretty darn soon as im normally in bed by now. The other shit oart of today is that we had the council man come around today after he refused to put in a stair lift for me two which two medical professions told him I need and boy didnt I have yet another go at him. On a good note though, we are now getting a stair lift. On a bad note, hes only doing this for the mean time because he is basically kicking the four of us out. As aparently there are no homes in cornwall with two large double bedrooms either, me and my other half now need to venture on our own. Weve been told we have to sign up to home choice and start bidfing on properties. The council man also told us that they cant help us out anymore financially (because we told him were struggli.g to live off the parents on our income of benefits), he then also told us that the homes come unfurnished and that he also cant help us there either ( which im pissed about as ive just sold all my storage kit to which held my first flats living stuff. We are well and truly screwed. I went straight upstairs and just cried. We cant afford to live on our own, and the chance of me now getting a home that is suitable for my needs is zero to none. The council man ill just add said that if my other halfs parents got a house first, we would have to leave at the same time whether we had a home or not. So this twat is willing to make an ill and disabled person homeless. What the heck is the world come to. More stress to add to my life. I just want one day where I xan sit, chill and be my self. When do you think that may be!? TTFN XXXX

Chirpy, Smiling and Goodness atlast!!

Well, im not going to say everything as im not about to give the whole thing away, just incase it gets out to the wrong people as its all a big secret to EVERONE ha. So...this news thats made my day is that myself and my partner have found a sperm donor, and we are meeting up with them in a few weeks time. Weve been chatting to each other on this special website that links both sides and parties together and last week we exchanged emails and been happily chatting through there also. He seems like a very nice gentleman, and has said that he will sign a contract when we meet to say he signs over all his legal right to myself and my partner which we are also over the moon with. Not only all of the above, but he has said he doesnt want any moey, just travel expenses if he has to come to us at all, but at present, we will be visiting his end of town so no money is needed to go his way. Considering IUI or IVF in a clinic was meant to be around £3000 this is a lot cheaper and aot more comforting being able to do the deed in the comfort of our own home and not in a sterile clinic with every man and his dog exploring your vegetable patch. Fingers crossed, this time next year, myself and my partner will be mummies, and our family will start expanding. Excitment does explain it enough. TTFN XXXX

The Here And The Now!!

Recently things have been a little scatty and Im not all that sure what to make of it. I keep going through phases where I am really down but trying really hard not to tell the other half as I dont want to worry her, but sadly instead I seem to be snapping at here and getting frustrated at the little things that I used to fine with. I tried telling her that these little things have started to annoy me but she seemed to have laughed it off as if I was joking so now im not all that sure about what to do. Im hoping that its just because Ive had a pretty rough few weeks with my lungs and its just washing me out. Who knows!! With regards to my lungs, I went to the doctors last week because I have started really struggling asthma and infection wise. I have been put onto some basic antibiotics for now to see if it would help but sadly it hasnt done a huge amount. My peak flow is still super lower and my oxygen levels keep dipping to around 92%. Sophie wants me to go to hospital but I really dont think I need to go yet. I am off to the doctors again later today but I dont actually think there is a lot more they can do, but I guess ive ssen someone and thats all I can do. Financially things have been a little tough for both sophie and I which has really got us worried. we have had our money drop by just under £200 a month which has meant that we have a very small amount of money each month to help us get by. Were really not sure what we are going to do. We have now applied for careers for sophie as we have calculated that she spends around 40 hours or more a week looking after me, and she does a brilliant job at it and I wouldnt be able to survive without her help. I am also having appointments with the doctors because it has come to the stage were I feel I need a little more support mobility wise. I am falling over a lot more, my legs are giving way on me and I cant physically keep hold of my crutches because my muscles keep giving way. Ive not had a verdict as of yet but im sure I will let you know. On a positive note, I have lost 2 stone in weight since I have had my surgery so I am super happy, ok yes it has been because I cant physically eat all that much, but Im still surviving, so Im clearly getting enough food going into my body. Im also moving onto more solid foods which im also super happy with as I have missed eating "normal" food. Sophie and I are also still wedding planning, it was come up to around £3009 altogether to pay for the whole wedding so we now need to start saving and buying things slowly to achieve the best day of our lives. We have also attended our first wedding fair, sadly it was rather erm CRAP so we wont be attending one there again, but it gave us a good insight into what we could do and what is on the market at the moment. Well I think I have rambled enough now so I will leave you to it!! TTFN XXXX