Still ... Blurgh

Soooooo Things are still crap here. The council have stated they wont help us any sooner untill we are actually homeless because there are a total of 28000 people that need homing and aparently we arnt a priority. Something isnt right here. Not only are we not being helped whilst we have being mentally abused but my health needs dont help us for anything. Not only this but because of my vunerability, according to the charty shelter, were meant to be priority but we arnt we just dont get it. On top of this, i woke up this morning dripping wet but freezing and and giess what my temperature was 38.1 and my peak flow is 280 post neb. Gp says ive got another infection so higher dose steroids and more antibiotics And lastly todah for shit news...the lump that started in my mouth under my tongue over the weekend is now about the size of a golf ball and the dental hospital who i was under last december for the lump on my lip for some reason wont give me an appointment Im so worried as ive had 2 tumors in my body now and it looks like this is a 3rd. Im worried that this lump could be the big c...know idea where i go from here if they wont get me an appointment in the dental hospital. On a good note though, i have the CT scan for my hips last night and will get the results on the 22nd I leave u with the yummy picture of my lump.yum.

TTFN XXXX

Devestated

Some people may say, atleast you know whats causing your trouble and others may say, its not that bad, ive had it but for me, its really got me down.

The reason it has got me down is because its the 3 bit of crappy news ive had this year so far and were literally only half way through.

I had Taunton hospital ring me yestersay saying theyve had my MRI results back fot my right hip. It turns out i havnt been making up my pain just to get morphine as some doctors have said, but infact i have a lebral tear in my right hip meaning i need to have surgery as soon as they can get the whole team together for me.

Im having the surgery down in Truro though as it can be done key hole down here rather than open surgery that Taunton can only do. So i have to wait for my care to be transfered over first.

The reason this bit of news has devestated me, isnt just the fact that doctors wasnt believing me but its also the fact that i flat line and stop breathing everytime i have a general.

Yes im aware that i dont have to have a general, but ive not been given these option as of yet. I guess each hospital has their own policies.

Only time will tell.

TTFN

XXXX

New Achievements!!

What an early start it was this morning, one I wasnt wanting one bit, sadly though it had to be done because my other half had a hospital appointment which I was taking her to. Nothing major, just the tightening if her braces, the adding of two more blocks and the adding of a thicker wire all in preperation for her surgery towards the end of the year. I also had a doctors appointment this afternoon because im still worried about my low phostphate level. Im pretty sure something should be being done about it. Thankfully I pre book this appointment a week ago to guarantee it bein with the doctore I get on with. Whilst with him, he dictated a letter to my new local cons asking for his support re my phosphate just to see if there was a link between that dropping and my asthma. He also told me he has wrote on my behalf to the ambulance service so that the next time I have an attack, they dont sit and play. He also gave me a letter from my new cons explaining I had a pisitive test to the mannitol challenge I done a few weeks back, also that he wants me to start a different pill in the hope it may help my asthma...to which my gp at first was confused as in his words "he thought I was in a gay relationship" lol, I had to explain a little bless. All in all im pleased though I also lost another 3lb in weight this week, which gi es a grand total of 8 and 3/4 lb this year altogether. I know its coming off slowly, but im pleased with that, ive not gain any weight at all this year and the slower it comes of the higher chance of it stating off. Right!? Me and my other half also took our little puppy Dixie for a walk down the camel trail today. It was her first time down there where she was allowed to walk and we had her on the stretchy lead so that she could wander where she liked. She absolutly loved it. When she got tired though, she made us chuckle because she just sat there and looked back the way we came. Such a little character she is. Im off for my hip procedure tomorrow so you may not hear from me. Wish me luck!! TTFN XXXX

Becoming Aware

Today I received my indepth letter from the Birmingham psychologist after my appointment with her on the 5th of February. To an outside person or sombody medical like my local consultant or my potential new local psychologist this is one fantastic letter, but for me, it just hits home for how "poorly" my mind actually is. She startes that I have moderatly high post traumatic stress which is both on intrusions and avoidance and my scoring on one of the tests I had to do on the day was 59. Aparently the cut off period for the score is 33 so mine is pretty bad concidering. I still find it hard to know that there is something wrong and that if I hadnt of left it so long and tried fighting it myself then it potentially wouldnt have got tjis baf. I guess we learn from our mistakes hey!! I have tried doing some of the techniques that the psychologist taught me to do. Ive currently now drawn three pictures which are the nightmares Im getting made humorous. Ive also been doing a meditation technique called leaves on a stream. Ive had to hold back a little though because it has been getting really intense and really scaring me, making me want to cry all the time. It is also making me feel even more vunerable, and im trying my best to not let the other half see this. I dont want her to worry. I will of course let her read the three page letter if she likes, but if she wants to talk about it, itll have to ve later when her parents arnt around as I dont want them getting involved in my life. Yes they are technically now my family, but not directly, and I dont want everyone knowing my business. I am very much a private person and physically talking to people is hard. I never like the responses I get, they are either sad, cry worthy of negetive or on the other had, they are those annoying positive results which yes in reality would be good, but unless your living that particular life you will never know how hard it actually is!! Admittedly it is all starting to hit home and I am ready to break down but I dont want to make everyo.e else sad. Maybe I should start think about myself once in a while...if only it was that easy hey. Well I think that was a complete and utter bit of randomness and I bet half if it doesnt make sense...well welcome to my head ha. TTFN XXXX

A Few Weeks In!!

A little hectic has to be said for this first few days of 2014 BUT I have enjoyed it - kind of.

Day one started off not so good as my lovely lady had suddenly picked up a tummy bug and from 3 am for a good 12-14 hours she was vomming none stop, felt so sorry for her as she was stuck in bed all day being poorly. Thankfully by the nexy day though she was a lot better.

To start off the new year, we decided that we wanted a fresh start so we have redecorated our room. Annoyingly it has taken a week and me ending up being poorly myself and in bed for a day,but it now looks stunning. We have a paint called malibu beach on three of the walls and on the fourth we have patterend wall paper that is of a charcal colour and has a variety of different birdcages on with yellow birds within them. Ok, it sounds a little strange but it looks stunning. We also now have our lush new canvas painting on the wall that our lovely sister in in law and her girlfriend has made for us for christmas and we also have a butterfly lapshade with very similar bedding that my other halfs parents got us for christmas. So our room is now set up nicely for when im having my rough days and cant leave my bed and it also just generally looks stunning to walk in and see.

I had an appointment today with the maxifacial team again, was meant to be getting my biopsy results but sadly because of the time of year that I had then done, they have been delayed a little. I have to say, not what I was expecting to hear when I walked in there so sadly have to wait around another week or two before I know what the lump was that I had growing in my mouth.

Generally all else in my little life has been great so far this year...touch wood. I have an appointment with ny new lung team in Plymouth on Wednesday so that could be a challenge, to which im sure youll hear about!!

I also completed the start of my photography portfolio today, the 9 photos that I have in there really do look stunning and for once I am proud of the work I have done.

Oh and its official, my sister is pregnant, and I am going to be the best aunty EVER of course lol.

TTFN

XXXX