Waiting For A Change

Sadly im still pretty much in the same mental state, no better but also no worse. Though i do wish that it would get better as its really playing on my mind.

On Thursday it was my best friends birthday and both myself and my oher half with my best friend went to alton towers. I drove us up there as im not a huge fan of coaches.

I was in my wheelchair all day as I just couldnt cope out of it. Because we got disability passes we were also allowed "special" passes which meant that we got to que jump and go straight to the front of every ride. With having this is meant we got on ever ride which was amazing.

By about 5pm i decided to stand up and stretch my legs for 5 minutes ready for the 6 hour drive home. Sadly though because another migraine had started hitting me, as i stood up i ended up collapsing straight down to the floor. Was out for the count on the floor of alton towers for an hour. When i woke up i felt really week, breathless, was shivering and generally felt like crap. I started driving us home but within an hour i had to stop at the services as i just couldnt cope anymore. After a good rest we set off again.

Thankfully my dad lives 10 minutes from my best friends house in bristol so i rang hime up telling him we were crashing at his house for the night. I literally felt like crap.

On friday, we set off home again stopping near on every hour and when we got home i literally went straight upstairs and slept for hours.

Something really took it out of me. My temperature has been sky high since and i am feeling chesty so ill be sending another sputum sample on monday in the hope itll give answers.

My other half has been making her owl cake that someone has ordered and it looks blinking amazing, ill have to show u all a picture once its complete.

TTFN

XXXX

Battle Through

My intentions today were to continue in bed trying to fight off this flu, unfortunatly though, my other half had volunteering at lunch time and work up extremly worried and scared because she had never been on a Thursday and didnt know anyone (she sufferes from depression, anxiety and panic attacks). So I decided that I would take her in for 12, hang around town for an hour and then be right outside for her at one. If she needed me before hand then she could ring and I would be there in se onds. I figured this was the least I could do after how shes looked after me this week. Whilst in town, I found these amazing bright orange wellies, so I got them for my partner. Because of the weather, the feild by us as become very wet and muddy abd it was ruining her trainers so she said she wanted dog walking wellies...and low and behold, whilst charity shop shopping, these were staring right at me. When my other half saw them after she had finished volunteering her face was beaming at the sight of them. I think its safe to say I chose good. After all of this, we decided to go to our usual cafe and have a coffee date. We use to do this regularly before we got a little short in money so it was lush being able to do that again. Instead of going home to rest, I then decided we should take the pup for a walk around the feild (and of course to test these wellies ha). We didnt walk far, or shall I say I didnt. My other half though ran half way across the feild, we took her off the lead and we started calling her name between us both, so not only was she gettig a good run around but she was also learning her call back. Might I add she done blinking amazing. Finally we got home, and I collapsed on the sofa...literally. we figured it was ti.e for a well earnt dvd, so put on the woman in black...and within minutes I fell asleep...oops It has been a busy couple of hours throughout the day, and looking back now I have yet again pushed my self to far, but I guess I cant laze around all the time. We also purchased a little owl book today where we have started writing a journal for our process with the baby so that when they are older, they have something they can read to look back on their journey. Hope it works as well as what it does in our heads. for now though, crufts is calling TTFN XXXX

Could Any More Shit Possibly Happen!?

A day out of hospital and there I was casually relaxing on the sofa trying to recover. Untill my mum comes home.

She didnt ask me how I was or what I had been up to just "did you still have money to give me as Im short"

Lets go back a few steps and Ill fill you in. My mum moved her new boyfirend in a little over two weeks ago, so I told mum I was giving her less money as I should be payong thirds as thats fair. Her response to me for that was you can fuck off. Charming hey. Little did she know I was being deadly serious.

So reverting back to yesterday, I responded to mum about me being serious about not giving her as much money and that of her new boyfriend is giving her money also there was no need.

This kicked off a massive argument of her calling me a selfish cow, an ungreatful bitch and a few more nastiness. She also told me I should be paying her more for her having to run me up and down the country to my hospital appointments. I reminded her that mentally im not coping with yet another diagnosis (to which she said oh ok to) and also about my friend Dawn passing away-her answer to this was we all have friends that die. This argument went on for about 45 minutes to which I was crying my eyes out and devestated my mum gave more of a shit about me not paying her an extra £150 over my physical and mental well being. At the end of this argument mum told me to get the fuck out of the house.

Little did she know I would actually go also!!

5 minutes later her boyfriend come back and they went for a walk with the dog.

In that time I had pack all my medications and a few bits of clothes, grabbed my rabbits in their hutches (bearing in mind I shouldnt be lifting after my surgery) and I filled the car with as much as possible. I rang my girlfriend in a right state with what just happened and because her family are so bloody amazing they have allowed me to move in with them.

This is going to be a struggle hospital wise as itll take 5 hours to get to my birmingham appointments and im going to have to try and find a decent hospital now in cornwall.

I cant believe that not only have I got to deal with a rapidly deteriorating shit health but I now have to try and move all my stuff out. So much from recovering from surgery with major complications. Im just glad that I now have a lovely relaxed new home with great support and care so I can atleast try and recover a little bit.

Well thats it for the dramatic life of me!!

TTFN

XXXX