Busy And Excited All In One

Today has been one of those up and down emotional days

It started off with anger. My partner woke up super early knowing she had an order for a cake. 2 hours after she had been awake and the cake was cooked, the lady who ordered the cake sent a message saying she no longer had the money to pay for it and wondered if she could pay on friday but still have the cake tomorrow. Straight away i said no, it doesnt work like that. Weve taken the decision to not give her the cake. She said she would let us know of she could get the money from someone at 7pm tonight. I have no idea hpw she expected my girlfriend to turn over a peppa pig model cake at 7pm tonight. Crazy springs to mind.

After all that curfuffle, my respiratory consultants secretary got back to me after i left a message yesterday and has made an appointment for me in August to give him my over night sats recornings. I really praying something can be done about them as i woke up again with a huge headache and it puts me in a foul mood.

I then tried to have a snooze this afternoon as i was physically and mentally exhausted and my partners parents decided they would be as loud as possible. Bearing in mind we live in the countryside where theres no traffic or noise, they decided that instead of talking to each other in the garden, they would shout at each other. Pissed me right off as i got no sleep. So not only am i not sleeping on the night time but im being stopped during the day. I wouldnt mind but they knew i was asleep as my partners mum decided she would come in our room and start talking to my partner whilst i was led there with my eyes closed. Actually thinking about it...pissed off doesnt describe in detail enough how i was feeling.

Then ofcourse we had excitment...the pram and car seat we ordered on the weekend arrived. Its so amazing and very well padded for the child. best of all. It didnt have pictures on the side of the boxes so there was no chance any one could see what they were so our worries about the hell we were going to get werent needed yay.

I then on the other hand dropped the bomb shell to my partner for how much money since saturday i spent on baby stuff...and ot came to £159 whoops. Not buying anymore for now then hehe.

TTFN

XXXX

Waiting For A Change

Sadly im still pretty much in the same mental state, no better but also no worse. Though i do wish that it would get better as its really playing on my mind.

On Thursday it was my best friends birthday and both myself and my oher half with my best friend went to alton towers. I drove us up there as im not a huge fan of coaches.

I was in my wheelchair all day as I just couldnt cope out of it. Because we got disability passes we were also allowed "special" passes which meant that we got to que jump and go straight to the front of every ride. With having this is meant we got on ever ride which was amazing.

By about 5pm i decided to stand up and stretch my legs for 5 minutes ready for the 6 hour drive home. Sadly though because another migraine had started hitting me, as i stood up i ended up collapsing straight down to the floor. Was out for the count on the floor of alton towers for an hour. When i woke up i felt really week, breathless, was shivering and generally felt like crap. I started driving us home but within an hour i had to stop at the services as i just couldnt cope anymore. After a good rest we set off again.

Thankfully my dad lives 10 minutes from my best friends house in bristol so i rang hime up telling him we were crashing at his house for the night. I literally felt like crap.

On friday, we set off home again stopping near on every hour and when we got home i literally went straight upstairs and slept for hours.

Something really took it out of me. My temperature has been sky high since and i am feeling chesty so ill be sending another sputum sample on monday in the hope itll give answers.

My other half has been making her owl cake that someone has ordered and it looks blinking amazing, ill have to show u all a picture once its complete.

TTFN

XXXX

Just A Few Hours Of Normality

Some may say that 2 and a bit hours out the house for some "normality" is pathetic, but for me, it took every last inch of breath and energy.

I saw a banner a few weeks ago for a festival in Lostwethial called Lostfest so i decided that myself and my partner deserved a break from the house and we went a long.

Granted it wasnt as good as we hoped it would be but the rain stayed away and at the end of it we saw something other than the four walls of our bedroom.

On the way back we stopped by a huge discount store called trago and we picked ip another 4 balls of wool. I then completed 2 more baby hats and a templete for some scratch mittens.

Of course just doing this few hours of stuff exhausted ne beyond beleif and i used a whole inhaler whilst out and about. Both my lungs and muscles really struggled to cope. As a result i then slept for 4 hours this afternoon trying to recover.

Dont get me wrong, i love the fact i have got out the house eventually just to mosey around, but im still cheesed off for what it done to my body as a result.

I cant wait to start feeling "human" again. What ever that is. As i can no longer remember!

TTFN

XXXX

Typical Day

For me the weekend doesnt really change from any other day of the week. Other than the shops being busy and you see more people walking about the village, its all just another day for me.

I decided last night that it was time for my hair to have a change again. I jeeded a fresh look. Make myself feel good.

So, me being me the minute i woke, i done my usual routine and then we headed off to asda to buy dye.

Although me hair is blonde, i decided i wanted it blonder so we go a bright bleacg blonde. I also wanted to add some colour too so we got a bright pink too. My partner got black. Talk about complete opposites lol.

Once all my hair was dyed blonde, my partner cut it for me, re done my shaven patch and upon my request i got her to put two zig zag lines across my shaven patch. When the pink was ready to b applied, we done my usual fringe bit and also the zig zags. With having pre lightened my hair it now looks friggin amazing. Nice an bright and colourful. Although my partner used the same pink, because she dyed her hair black initially, hers turned out a plum colour which for her looks stunning.

Just doing this though completly exhausted me so i had to go back to bed...three hours later im awake not realising how exhausted i must of been. I do get annoyed by this. For the average person, they would dye and cut their hair after a 6 hour day at work or something very similar and not be anywhere near as tired as me. I do wish some days that my life wasnt like this.

When i eventually woke up properly, i was extremly itchy, so i put on my glasses and i could see why. I was having yet another full blown reaction. I was as red as a beetroot and my lips were double to size. Eventually after 6 antihistames, things started to return to their usual self, and no epi pen was needed but i think if these antihistamines hadnt of kicked in, i would have been stabbing myself in the leg again!!

Ive also managed to knit another 2 hats today so i now have 5 in total ready to send to my first NICU unit. Only another 25 to go and thre gift box will be off to the post!!

Untill next time...

TTFN

XXXX

Really!?

For me today has been reasonably ok. Ive literally only been able to get out of bed twice though literally today. On the second occasion i collapsed also which was a gutting blow.

Myself and my partner had a great zebra baby grow arrive today for our future child. Its blinking lush. Yes you may say but your not pregnant, but for us, because we cant work, our theory is if we start buying things gradually over the months, our baby will have everything they need and deserve and can have the best start in life.

I also had my birthday present arrive. My DIY 35mm slr camera.

After just under 2 hours, I had completed the challenge of my big build and it absolutly shattered me...I ended up falling asleep for an hour and a half afterwards just to recover but im pleased with the end result. Now just to get 35mm film.

In other news though my lady has had terrible period pains. Ok i suffer from other sorts of pains but ive been lucky in the sense ive never had period pains. She was in tears and i had no idea what to do to help her other than drug her up on pain releif. She ended up curled up next to me with a hot water bottle and thankfully a few hours later everything had settled down again. God knows what shes going to be like during labour if this was painful for her though ha. Ive gotta try and get my arse out of bed tomorrow though as Dixie has the vets so untill tomorrow... TTFN XXXX

Coffee, Friends And A Stroll

Late last night we had a great friend of ours text us to see if we would like to go for a catch up and a walk either today or tomorrow. As we r bust tomorrow, we decided that today would probably be best for us. She left it in our hands for time and place so I chose Cardinham Woods at 11am The timing was a little optimistic. I had such a rush night sleep, fell back to sleep at 7am and then woke up at 9. By the time I had done my meds, had breakfast, feed all the animals and do a picnic, admitidly we were a little late. Thankfully our friend was late also as her 8 month old son decided he needed a nap. Phew. When we all eventually got to the woods we had a sneaky "naughty hot chocolate" which is chocolate toped with mini marshmallows and cream-yum. I when went for our stroll (to burn off our drinks of course ha). I was so pleased as we all agreed to do the flat gental route so that could try on just my crutches instead of my wheelchair. The walk was 3k so it took us roughly 3 hours to get around because I needed to keep stopping, having a seat and catching my breath. Still, I am pleased with my achievements. Once we had our stroll, we then had our picnics and even more nattering. Got to love meeting up with friends. Certainly keeps your brain going, and the great thing is, its one of my other halfs friends originally so not someone I know through auk or one of my illnesses. Despite this, she is fantastic and really looks after me and makes sure im ok when we are together. When we got home. I had about an hours rested with being topped back up with morphine and I attempted to make tea. Sadly I had to give up around 1/4 of the way through as I just couldnt cope any more. Thankfully my other half was happy as usual to carry it on, which im glad as it was an experimental tea of fizzy orange chicken from "the girl called jack" book...and I have to say it was bloody lush. This was then finished of with a nice small portion of rice pudding as a suprise. As soon as the dishes were scrubbed, we went off on another stroll around the feild with dixie to keep up her routine. Now that im now I. Bed again I am bloody shattered, but to bring the final greatness to the end of the day, we found one of Dixies puppy teeth on the floor. Its the first one that we have seen, although we know shes lost more, just not sure when or where. Great times. Hopfully ill sleep well tonight, but we will see. TTFN XXXX

Past & Present

0530 we were up today, and in a way, blinking good job as I was having a full blown allergic reaction. When will my body give me a rest!? Once all the morning duties were done we had to set off for Bridgwater. I have finally emptied my storage unit after having all my possessions locked away for over two years. Admittedly it was really hard, especially as I had my other half with me and she was finally seeing photos of me and my ex. As soon as I found anything from her, I tor it up, smashed it and put it in the bin. I want nothing more to do with her. She has (or shall I say had) ruined a fair chunk of my life and I wasnt going to allow her to continue that. And honestly, it felt good doing it. It felt as though a chapter has finally been closed and I can officially move on with the most amazing lady in my life. After finally getting home at 1400 we quickly rammed some food down our necks, fussed with the pup and put the rabbits in the run and cracked on with sorting through more of my kit. I finally had to call it quits at 1700 though. My lungs have had enough and I could no longer breath. Thankfully my other half realised how much I was struggling and how much I was coughing with a very high pitched wheeze that she rushed to get my nebs and I sat with them for a little while. Sadly though I am still very twitchy. Im praying that itll shift as next Saturday im meant to be doing the photography for our friends sons naming ceremony and I really dont want to let any if them down. Well for now, Im shattered, bruised and irritated so im going to nod off TTFN XXXX

Battle Through

My intentions today were to continue in bed trying to fight off this flu, unfortunatly though, my other half had volunteering at lunch time and work up extremly worried and scared because she had never been on a Thursday and didnt know anyone (she sufferes from depression, anxiety and panic attacks). So I decided that I would take her in for 12, hang around town for an hour and then be right outside for her at one. If she needed me before hand then she could ring and I would be there in se onds. I figured this was the least I could do after how shes looked after me this week. Whilst in town, I found these amazing bright orange wellies, so I got them for my partner. Because of the weather, the feild by us as become very wet and muddy abd it was ruining her trainers so she said she wanted dog walking wellies...and low and behold, whilst charity shop shopping, these were staring right at me. When my other half saw them after she had finished volunteering her face was beaming at the sight of them. I think its safe to say I chose good. After all of this, we decided to go to our usual cafe and have a coffee date. We use to do this regularly before we got a little short in money so it was lush being able to do that again. Instead of going home to rest, I then decided we should take the pup for a walk around the feild (and of course to test these wellies ha). We didnt walk far, or shall I say I didnt. My other half though ran half way across the feild, we took her off the lead and we started calling her name between us both, so not only was she gettig a good run around but she was also learning her call back. Might I add she done blinking amazing. Finally we got home, and I collapsed on the sofa...literally. we figured it was ti.e for a well earnt dvd, so put on the woman in black...and within minutes I fell asleep...oops It has been a busy couple of hours throughout the day, and looking back now I have yet again pushed my self to far, but I guess I cant laze around all the time. We also purchased a little owl book today where we have started writing a journal for our process with the baby so that when they are older, they have something they can read to look back on their journey. Hope it works as well as what it does in our heads. for now though, crufts is calling TTFN XXXX

Boring Boring Boring

The title explains it really...boring, cause my day today has literally consisted of nothing. About an hour ago has been the first time all day to which I can open my right eye without it making my migraine worse, and I hope it continues this way. Its now day three of the flu for me and blinking heck I wouldnt want to wish it on anyone. Ive never had flu before, the flu jab has always kept it from me, but this year, even though ive had the jab ive come down with the flu and it is si dabilitating. It may be worse for me because of all the other health issues I have going on but I guess I would never know as im never going to have a year without these illnesses. Again though my beautiful other half has looked after me beyond the call of duty for a partner. Because my vision has gone ive literally been able to do hardly anything. Shes kept my drugs pumping in me whilst alsi keeping me as hydrated as possible and of course on the odd occassion bring up food when request. Ive not really eaten much so today when Ive really really asked for real food shes ran like it was a race to get it before my hunger pangs flew away so to speak lol. Shes also managed to take the little pup out for a walk during the many times to which ive slept today. Sadly though she is off to Bernados tomorrow to do her volunteering post. If my vision is back to what it was before then ill be taking her and ill also be sticking to my appointment with the police at 1530 about my ex. So vision, you better come back perfectly!! For now though typing this is making my head worse so... TTFN XXXX

Feeling Low!!

I had a bit of a high moment around lunch time when I was printing two certificates that ive achieved for my photography and I was also ironing on transfers to baby grows ive decided to pimp for my sisters baby, but thats been it really for today. When I woke up first thing, I really didnt want to get out of bed. I woke with yet another migrane and mentally I just felt shit...literally. About 10am came and I figured I should actually get on with the day. Once all the exciting printing and ironing was done, I was yet again left on the sofa. This is lethal for me. It gives my mind far to much time to be able to think of things. I dont think it helps with the fact ive had to wack up my steroids because my peak flow had plummeted. But when ever my steroids are played about with, it makes my head and thoughts that little bit worse. Im also crapping myself about the procedure im having on Tuesday in hospital. Some people may say ah its only a needle in your hip joint. But 95% of people having this procedure will be knocked out for it, im not allowed this because my lungs decide they no longer want to work during this time, so I gave to stay wide awake. Im going to see if I can have gas and air atleat as I really dont think im going to be able to cope with the pain otherwise. Fingers crossed my head starts sorting itself out pretty soon as internally its starting to stress me out, and I really dont want to take it out on the other half. Only time will tell!! TTFN XXXX

happiness vs tension

To start things off I am over the moon to tell you all that myself and my lovely lady now officially have the same surname. Some may think this is crazy, but to us its the next best thing to getting married and as we cant afford that yet, this is equally as great and both ends up with the same result. The second best thing about this is that when we eventually start a family, we will all now have the same surname, we will be more like a joint family Excited at last!! Where there us good news though, there is always bad news. My other halfs sister got really horrible about the fact we didnt tell her we were planning on changing our names, she also said it was pathetic that we done it. As well as this, she then started getting pissy about some of the statuses we put on facebook - erm excuse me, but is it not my facebook!? If you dont like it, delete me!! This caused a huge argument within the house and really didnt help situations. In other news, things are still very much the same with regards to the puppies, my girlfriends mum and her general attitude daily. The atmospher as a result is crap, theres no longer nice jolly daily conversations, just constant bitching, jealouse and snappy talking. I hate it, i moved out from my mum because of things like this, I dont need it again. Im just really pleased that it hasnt come between me and my girlfriend as that would be really decestating. Well im off, got an appointment tomorrow at plymouth for my lungs so another busy day!! TTFN XXXX