Not The Best

Yesterday I had an appointment to see a hip surgeon to see whether or not he qas brave enough to operate on my stupid hip. The night before i was shitting my pants as ive stopped breathing on the last 2 surgeries ive had and they struggled to bring me back so i was meantally working out whether this is a wise choice.

My other half didnt come with me as i said there was no point in her not going to her volunteering as i knew what was wrong with my hip so it was just a yes or no to surgery.

Boy was i wrong.

The consultant asked me what I knew about my hip and what i had done so i said i had a plain xray that stated i had deterioration of my femeral hip AKA AVN. I then had a plain MRI that showed nothing more so they gave me a steroid injection into my hip in theatre. This increased my pain so they done an MRI that showed I had a laberal tear in my joint. And then i got told i needed surgery and here we are.

His face dropped...and then i started to worry.

He then said he was sorry but i havnt been told the full degree or extent of my hip. He then went onto inform me that i had an inpingement. I thought thats ok, wheres the worry in that I had one in my shoulder, i still have it as i refused shoulder...i can live with that.

But that wasnt all of it...

He then went onto explain that not only do i have the other 3 problems but i also have backwards hips. In other words, they are facing the wrong way. Erm hello, why is it i am 23 and this has never been picked up on before!?

Thats not all, he then went onto explain that along with the other 4 issues, my femurs are also protruding into my pelvis.

Fuck...i just wanted to cry...but sadly he had more to tell me.

He explained that my AVN is minor at the moment so hes not all that concerned and itll be a while before that needs surgical intervention ...  amazing, finally some good news!!

WRONG!!

As i also need surgery on my backwards facing femur proturding hip. He has orgered an urgebt CT scan to see how much bone is actually in the wrong place. I will then be seeing him in 8 weeks which is September 22nd because depending on how much bone is deformed will decided on how quickly and where i have surgery. He is about 80% sure though that i will needs the specialist surgery which he cant do as its to complex for him and hes never seen it in someone of my age before. So he will be refering me to the specialist. Wait for it...who is in London. I will have to go to the other side of the UK from where i live to have surgery.

But wait, theres still more...he also told me, my left hip is identical to the right hip (which is the painful one) so very soon i will be in extreme pain with that hip too and i will need surgery on this hip also.

im gutted. Not only should this have been picked up on at birth but i will be alone on the day of my surgery unless we cam save up a hell of a lot of money to pay for my other half to be in a hotel the whole time im in hospital.

Im absolutly devested and pissed off all on one.

I dont get why the last hospital i was under didnt tell me that my hips were facing the wrong wag and that my femurs were sat in my pelvis. Why didnt they see this as an urgent thing like this consultant in Cornwall has.

I got told in april that the pain is in my head and that there was nothing wrong...yet actually there is severe problems wrong.

I potentially cant have anyone with me during my surgery. What if this time they cant actually get my breathing going again!?

I cant wait for all this medical shit to leave me alone. I want it all to stop. I dont think i cant cope with much more

TTFN

XXXX

Something New

When I went to asda yesterday, I was gutted to find out that they had sold out of easter biscuits...I mean come on, its still a week away. To resolve this, my lovely girlfriend said that as shes never made them before, she would love to give them a try and blinking heck they tasted good. We have been controlled though. Weve only shared one between us for today andvwe have four more between us ove the next few days. I was mega impressed with how they turned out as shes never made them before. What do you think?! :

Even though it was only half a biscuit that I have eaten, I felt really bad so punished myself...and todays punishment is that I walked around the feild 4 times at three different stages of the day. To be ho esr, I think I have the beginnings of an obsession going on. Im so fixated on loosing weight and its now got to the point im now weighing at the beginning and end of everyday. I really dont know what to do. I think its started because I had climbed up to 16 and a half stone and so many doctors have told me that my weight would make my asthma worse. For me that was enough to scare me so I guess I have to loose it. After our second walk of the day, I was in agony so had some more morphine, snuggled with my lady and our pooch on the sofa and watched a film. Todays film was "exit himanity". Although at the beginning I though it was a really bizarre film, I soon came to liking it. Its weird because it has a narrator ever now and then. But it explained the in depths if what was going on just incase you didnt pick it out whilst it was made visually the first time. So for me its a film with a thumbs up. In crappy news...I think I have another infection brewing. Im getting a lot more puffed out, I have pain in my left lung and I am rather bubbly with my lungs. My temperature has only raised a small amount so id feel like a fraud going to the GP at this stage. Just hope it doesnt get to bad by next weekend as we r supposed to have a friend staying down and visiting is. Only time would tell I guess. TTFN XXXX

Always Something

Up nice and early today...but then we all fell asleep again after Dixie had breakfast, till roughly 0930 which for us is rediculoudly late since having a puppy. We done our usual routine first off, and then decided Dixie needed a walk...or I needed it because I put on 2 and 3/4 pounds in the last week. Im personally blaming my increase of steroids plus I have eaten a fair few bad things. We also took Dixie for a walk this evening, for her fun but for me, punishment!! We had to leave at 1130 though to get my other half off for her volunteering job. Once I done that, I had to run off to lidl and asda to get our food for going away tomorrow. Following this (goodness ive been busy) I then had to get my other half to our local hospital as she had an appointment with her ears because of her hearing loss. All is ok, but sadly, the type of hearing loss she has cant be treated with hearing aids, its a weird link between her ears and brain that loses the wavelengths of words and noises which jumble things up and make it harder to hear and understand words. My heart aches for her because its not something that can be sorted. As a result she now struggles to hear generally. I on the other hand have to learn to talk slower and with less of my Bristolian twang ha. Testing my cooking skills (under supervision because of my muscles) I cooked the most amazing tomato soup ready for when we get back for our lunch time meals for when we get. I know a soup is mega simple, but for someone with my disabilities, its blinking hard, and depressing because of needing supervision. In good news, I managed to complete the editing process from Saturdays photos. I managed to get 124 that I absolutly love and im super proud of. Oh and, I got another silver award on a photography I submitted to a competition a few weeks ago, im so proud of how far ive come, I just hope I can keep it up. Excitingly I am off camping with my beautiful girl tomoorow and our puppy. Were only going to Padstow just incase something was to go wrong, but its our first little holiday together as a little family. The memories that will be made are ones that im really looking forward to. I just hope it goes smoothly as weve got our next camping holiday booked for May already ha. So, im not going to be blogging for the next few days, will probably be either Friday or Saturday night, deoending on how tired I am. TTFN XXXX Ps, I forgot to mention, after I sent my sputumn sample last week, I had the doctor ring me today and as I thought ive got a bug in my lungs, its a yeast based fungi that is resistant to all antibiotics so were waiting to hear from my cons about what week can do. Fab hey

Stress!!

As I mentioned yesterday, I wasnt going to be doing a lot today because of having to asthma attacks yesterday, so I sat and editted the photographs I took yesterday. Ok, well, firstly we took Dixie for a walk around the feild, had some dinner and then I went up to our room and started the photo editting process. For the first two hours sorting the photos everything went swimmingly. I took 149 photos all in all, that turned out good. There was more but of course some were blurred and some people were blinking etc so the had to go leaving 149. Out of all of them I have for 70 I really like and im focusing my time on. The first lot of editing was good, cropping, sharpening, de noising and colour altering. But heres where the stressful thing started. I spent the next three hours wanting to give up. I had been given some templets to be able to group together 4 or more photos together on one page, annoyingly though my photo editting softwares didnt want me to be able to do this and no matter what I done to get it to work, the things just didnt want to work. So I have gone for plan be for adding borders and didderent effects to the appropriate shots. I still have a hell of a lot of work to do and im going to be focusing my time on it tomoorow whilst my other half is volunteering. Another adding if stress, is that I have weighed myself a day early. Well, technically I weigh myself everyday. I have sadly become very obsessive about my weight since ive been trying to loose it. Anyway, this week because ive been bad with food, I have currently put on 3pound. So like on Friday when I punished myself with swimming, today I punished my self by walking around the feild twice with Dixie. Ok, so to the average person walking around a feild twice may seem a little lame, but when you have muscles and lungs like ive got, it could be seen as a disaster waiting to happen, I dont care though, I need to loose this weight. Im just not happy with it anymore and it was driving me down along with everything else. Heres to next week though for a better amount of good thoughts and goals. Especially as its mine and my other halfs first time camping together. Yay. TTFN XXXX

Overdone It Again!!

I knew today was going to not only but busy but also hectic and stressful. Thanks to our darling pup, we were awake at 7am so just decided the day may aswell begin. After sorting out the rest of our pets and eating breakfast we headed off to the swimming pool. I told myself I was doing 100 lengths as punishment for eating rubbish food yesterday, and, I done it but it killed me. As a result tonight both my lungs and muscles have officially given up. When we left the swimming pool we had to drive round to the tip and unload a car full of crap that I just can no longer keep since moving in with my other half. It was sad to see many things go, but heres to the future right!? We finally manged to get home at lunch to which my other half set off for doing the final touches to the cake ready for the naming ceremony tomorrow. I on the other hand, read up on some photography and downloaded a new software onto my computer that my sisters in laws purchased me. Eventually this evening I did start helping with the cake though as time was pushing on and I didnt want my other half stressing. I wanted to leave the majority to her though, as shes amazing at these sorts of thinfs and its only fairvas im doing my part on the actual day by creating the memories through photography. As I mentioned, we started the cake at lunch time which was roughly around one ish, and we finished all of half and our ago which was roughly 2230. Ill try and get a picture of the cake to upload for you all to esee over the next few days. Suspiciously, (dont want to build my hopes up) but today and yesterday I have been feeling so hugry and wanting to eat everything insight. Im just craving food soooo much. Im not sure if this is a sign of a positive note, or just because ive had my steroids up again. Lets just say im hoping its not the second thought. Complete change of subject now, but, I never understand why I put my body through so much. Every day thus week weve been busy with something, and now after tiday ive completly screwef my body up again. Im hoping I havnt screwed it up to beyond movement tomorrow meaning ill end up letting my friends down. This and fir next week when me and my other half are having our official first un hotel holiday break with just us...oh and Dixie!! Ive always loved camping and other than camping in the back garden for a tester experience last year, my other half has never done it. I was determind that this year it was finally going to be ticked off my bucket list again as since my illnesses become so bad, ive not been able to go, but this year ive decided to say sod it, I could be dead by the end off the year, I need to start living for today...so thats what im doing. Right, I better go, got a blinking lit to do tomorrow and ive got physio and nebs to do now!! TTFN XXXX