Thinking...

"The process of using one's mind to consider or reason about something"

Recently, this definition has really been bugging me. When most people think, they tend to end with a conclusion whether it be good, bad or ugly is a different matter. My thinking on the other hand, never seems to end with anything but tears. Now I have no idea if this is the medication im on sending my mind barmy or whether I am finally breaking down and going into a depressive spiral. (Please people dont be put off an stop talking to me now, I need folk like you.)

It firstly relates to my step family, they have got to be the most inconsiderate people I have ever met. You know the back ground from previous posts such as the smoking - well thst continues. There has also been recently where I have been super exhausted, so I tell them im going to bed early. There response to this (sunday night) stay up till midnight in lounge with tv as loud as possible. [Loung under my room], to which at 1am my step sister decides she is going to bed. BUT WAIT she thinks that now is a good time to rumnage in the airing closet outside my bedroom for 20mins picking her beding, and then the next half hour making her bed. Productive time for me as instead of sleeping I went ebay shopping.
Low and behold at 3am, my lung chuck their usual strop so im awake again.
To top Sunday night off, at 0530 my step dad now decides he cant sleep, so goes down stairs. Yeah thats great, apart from he also thinks it a wise idea to let the puppy out the kithen = puppy in charlies room!! FFS an even more knackered me!!

Monday I make it very know how unimpressed I was and resorted into a 13 year old who had just started her period and her hormones were all over the place. 2030 I try the scenario again "im shattered, im going to bed, please try and keep the noise down"
2100-step sis thinks it a brite idea to go into her room with her boyfriend and re arrange it. GREAT!!
2230, said people now thinks it a great idea to eventual move back down stairs making whale noises along the way!! God save me.
2300, said step sis's boyfriend (who left 20mins ago) thinks its an amazing hiur to ring the landline (to which a phone is in my room) and then have a convo for the next friggin hour. Result - very loud talking/laughing/argueing.
Eventually i got to sleep around 4 after realising no point in going to sleep untill middle of night nebbing session.

Now does all of the above seem like ive got stressed for no reason at all, or would you equally be majorly hacked off!? On a good note, said step sister, has happily jogged off back to ber mothers now!! YIPPI!!

The other massive thing I have been thinking about, is that my best friend who I have known for 16 years has been going through a little rough patch again, and where as before I lived 2 minutes away and I would pop round or go for a walk/drive etc make her happy or smile atleast through an act of stupidness/sillyness or by a random joke, this isnt as easy as before and I fell like im not supporting her as much/as well as what I did. Granted Im always at the end of a phone and I will happily text throught the night/day if I know it is supporting her. But With being over 50miles away, it just doesnt feel the same. I want to be the friend I was. I know she would probably say I was and more but I cant see that.

Instead of me acting on all of the above, I cant seem to process it in my head through that "thinking" action. It seems silly as it is such a natural thing to do, but I just dont seem to be coming up with any conclusions...

...I just seem to cry!!

TTFN

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