Beyond The Imaginable

Just to warn you this post will be as scatty as they come.

Firstly, randomness; ever seen a cow nebuliser machine, i have and thanks to my addiction to ebay i am now the proud owner of a new cow shaped nebuliser machine that i have named Daisy. She lives next to my seat in the living room so i now no longer need to have to walk backwards and forwards to the bedroom just to have a neb

Secondly, joy and excitment; as you are all aware, we had a sperm donor who was helping us loads to try and have a child, sadly though the funds for travelling back and forth from Cornwall to Dorset was coming near to the end, and the donor had decided the only day he could do to help us was a Monday, which is near on impossible to have every month when you aim to go on your highest fertility peak, so we began the hunt for a new donor, who we have found. Or shall i say they found us. They libe in Plymouth so far closer and he seems very nice. Been chatting to him on facebook and he has a nice manner about him and hes agreed to help us as he feels we will be fantastic parents.

Thirdly, anger; the council tried to pull a fast one on us again, but believe me they are messing with the wrong person. Yesterday i had rang them to add a new local connection to our file. When i logged in last night we found out that our account had been closed and we needed to reapply. I done this to be on the safe side and today i contacted them to ask them what they were playing at. Their answer then was that because we had moved address we had a change in situation and that our banding would drop. Well, i asnt going to let it as i told them this address is an emeergency home given by them because we are homeless, 3 emails later full of massive comments of how inappropriate this flat is and how they are screwing us around and the higher ranking team contacted me back. Suprise suprise, they wont now change our banding. We will remain at a band B. Good!!

Finally, familied; on wednesday i mentioned to my other half that maybe she needed to arrange a meet up in a nuteral place for her and her sister to talk as its getting rediculous and sometime in the future they will need each other and they would want eachother in their lives. It seems to have gone well from what i can gather, just my other half is upset that not only will her sister still not come to the wedding, but she said we will look silly because were not wearing wedding dressing. She also said that my other half should get a job and that she shouldnt be looking after me and to top it off she said its stupid us having a child when we cant afford it. Thankfully my other half had said that actually infact us moving out on our own has made us better off with money. It soo shut her up.

Well i best be back to my knitting, got a fair fetw amount of nicu hats that still need making

TTFN

Xxxx

Annoyance Yet Happified

Random title dont you think!? Well all is about to be explained...

Ive not blogged in a little while because ive been struggling to get my head around a few things and ive done my usual trick. Ive bottled it all up.

Continuing from my crappy chest,  it turns out from my stutum results i have a fungus infection. Im going to send another sample tomorrow to see what the exact treatment can be as i dont want any old tablet chucked my way.

On Thursday, my sister got taken to the maternity section of hospital because she hadnt felt her baby move in atleast a day. Whilst there they decided to do a sweep and had said if labor hadnt started by the Friday they would have to induce. Guess what, it hadnt started. At 1030am she got give the pessary to start off her contractions. By 2pm she was already 2cm dialated and by 5pm she was 7cm. The midwife called the delivery unit to get hee moved over, and by the time she got round there she was fully dialated but got told she had to wait to hold off pushing as they hadnt nothing ready for her. Sadly she had to be cut and needed stitches after the delivery, but thankfully she delivered a very healthy little boy named Zak and he weight 8lb 7oz the little chubster. As you can imagine ive spent a small fortune on the little dude. We already gave a small box to my sister in july which cost around £30 in clothes and my and my girlfriend have filled another box of which in total there are 46 presents but half of that are wrapped with multiple items. We also got Zaks brother and sister from a previous partnership a present and card as we didnt want them to feel left out and start getting jealous. Well, we are off to met the little man tomorrow and im uber excited.

In other news...more has kicked off woth regards to my other halfs parents.

My girlfriend had made another cake for a client over the weekend and we took some pictures for her page. This resulted in us turning on the pc which it hasnt been on since the 27th july which was when i last used it.

When my other half switch it on, the start up screen had been changed and the name of the user had been ultered...which has meant that my other halfs parents have been in our room and snooped through our stuff whilst we havnt been here. Im fuming as theyve no right to be in our room whith out asking and they certainly have no right to be on my pc. Theres nothing on there for them and its not even their daughters.

I know it might seem pathetic, but because we are at my sisters all tomorrow, i am going to be sticking a small piece of cellotape to the top right side of the door tomorrow and ill know then if theyve been in our room. Like ive said, tomorrow they have no need to be in here.

So, like my title says, its a tale of two stories.

TTFN

XXXX

Hiding Away

Ok apologies for not having been here for a while.

On Thursday after my mobily scooter assessment (which was a-maze-ing) i was really poorly. I had yet another migraine plus my belly become extremly swollen and i was in agony. So i curled up in a ball and shut the world out.

Back to my scooter assessment though, weve found the perfect scooter and my other half has been taught how to take it apart and reassemble it. Sadly though its going to cost £1249 so unless i cant get the grants from charities im not going to be having it. It felt so amazing on it. i had freedom. I was my independant self again.

Friday was pretty pants. We were running around, going to doctors, posting parcels and my other half went to the gym. I was shattered and suprise suprise, by the end of the morning i had yet another migraine.

Uve decided that im going to the doctors on monday about my migraines as ive been on my increase tablets for a month now with no such luck so something needs to be done.

All weekend ive basically just chilled. We had a BBQ on friday which was nice thougj even at 6pm the heat was to much so i had to go back to bed and sit infront of the fan.

Today we are off to a place called Sibly back lake with Dixie and we are meeting up with 2 friends and their son. At tue moment it looks nice an overcast so im hoping that i wont get a migraine with sitting in my chair not getting away from the sun.

the stress of my other halfs parents have increased yet again and they were in the middle of slagging me off when they realied i could hear everyword as i was stood outside of the window. I felt gutted. Aparently its all my fault that their daughter is now selfish and never spends anytime with them. Im sorry but monday she volunteers at bernardos. Tuesday she goea to the gym. Wednesday she does to yoga. Thursday she goes to the gym and friday we go swimming. Not forgetting caring for me, baking cakes for her business and also taking Dixie for walks. I feel deflated. I dont know what ive done.

TTFN

XXXX

Busy And Excited All In One

Today has been one of those up and down emotional days

It started off with anger. My partner woke up super early knowing she had an order for a cake. 2 hours after she had been awake and the cake was cooked, the lady who ordered the cake sent a message saying she no longer had the money to pay for it and wondered if she could pay on friday but still have the cake tomorrow. Straight away i said no, it doesnt work like that. Weve taken the decision to not give her the cake. She said she would let us know of she could get the money from someone at 7pm tonight. I have no idea hpw she expected my girlfriend to turn over a peppa pig model cake at 7pm tonight. Crazy springs to mind.

After all that curfuffle, my respiratory consultants secretary got back to me after i left a message yesterday and has made an appointment for me in August to give him my over night sats recornings. I really praying something can be done about them as i woke up again with a huge headache and it puts me in a foul mood.

I then tried to have a snooze this afternoon as i was physically and mentally exhausted and my partners parents decided they would be as loud as possible. Bearing in mind we live in the countryside where theres no traffic or noise, they decided that instead of talking to each other in the garden, they would shout at each other. Pissed me right off as i got no sleep. So not only am i not sleeping on the night time but im being stopped during the day. I wouldnt mind but they knew i was asleep as my partners mum decided she would come in our room and start talking to my partner whilst i was led there with my eyes closed. Actually thinking about it...pissed off doesnt describe in detail enough how i was feeling.

Then ofcourse we had excitment...the pram and car seat we ordered on the weekend arrived. Its so amazing and very well padded for the child. best of all. It didnt have pictures on the side of the boxes so there was no chance any one could see what they were so our worries about the hell we were going to get werent needed yay.

I then on the other hand dropped the bomb shell to my partner for how much money since saturday i spent on baby stuff...and ot came to £159 whoops. Not buying anymore for now then hehe.

TTFN

XXXX

Reasoning

Why does everything in life have to have a reason behind it. Why cant you just be doing something because you want to, because it will bring you happiness.

Rules should be broken, it brings you the adventures within your life, tests your personality and the way your mind works. It gets you thinking.

Everything in life you should think about, there could be drastic consequnces if you dont.

For example if i didnt think about taking my asthma medications i would be dead. If i didnt think about putting on my seat belt when i set off to drive and then didnt think about hitting the breaks when the lights turn red i would be dead.

Not everything needs a reasoning for it to be done, but everything needs a purpose.

I hate having to explain to people what im doing, how long im going to be etc etc

I moved out from my parents when i was 17 so i managed to lead my life without telling someone my every move.
Recently since ive moved in with my other half it seems like everything we do has to be explained and reasoned to her mum. I feel like i need to explain to her why i go to the toilet as well its that bad. Having had 5 years of freedom so to speak from constant questioning i now feel like im a convict on parole explaining my tag.

It sucks

Surly as an adult we shouldnt have to.

The purpose of this post is because my partner is currently shitting her pants about what her parents are going to say about a delivery we will be having in the next 2 days. We have ordered a pram and car seat. It was a fantastic deal that we got offered and didnt want to miss the opportunity of having it as its the pram weve always wanted. My partner now seems to think we have to be prepared for 50 million questions for when it arrives as her mum will be nosey and want to watch the delivery be opened and then will most definatly have something to say about it.

I really cant wait to get out of this friggin house. To be our own people again. For my partner to actually be thet adult she is.

Rant over.

TTFN

XXXX

Frustraition

Today has been the highs of bollocks.

Starting with...going swimming. Figured it would be great to start the day with exercise, that was untill i got to the pool and had a huge allergic reaction as they had put far to much chlorine in the pool.

After that, we get home to find the post man had been abd instantly from the envelope i knew it was the decision for our welfare appeal. They wont grant us a 2nd bedroom despite all our reasonings behind needing it for me and they wont increase our banding as they dont feel that tje mental abuse that we are getting is bad enough to need to move out quicker. They also dont feel i need to be closer to a hospital and they also dont feel that we are isolated within the countryside that doesnt even have a village shop.

Following all this, tonight we have a message from my other half saying that they wont be coming to the wedding despite her being made to go to theirs. their excuse is having a meal at 1730 is to late for them to be out for their son who would be 11 months. Its a joke, all this shit within our house is because we didnt originally invite people to the wedding yet the bit they have been invited to they dont want to fucking come to.

Im feel like shit and just want to cry.

Should have done wat my girlfriend had originally said, just take our two best friends to the ceremony and fuck everyone else as at the moment no one seems to give a damn about how we feel!!

TTFN

XXXX

Wants Life To End

Literally, after today i really cant take any more.

All weekend ive been  spiralling further and further down because of things that are going on and im getting toy far into my depression im now struggling to pull myself out.

Being at mums was good in the fact that it was just me and my beautiful girlfriend but in theory it was just putting off the inevitable.

As soon as we got home, the shit literally hit the fan.

Argument kicked off, we were called ever name under the sun and we were made to feel like utter crap

And guess what the cause of it was...yup you got it, the happiest day of our lives, our  wedding.

My family have suprisingly been very supportive and happy for us. My partners on the other hand have really really kicked off, to the point theyve now told me im no longer doing their wedding photography and my  partner is no longer their bridesmaid. All this is because they arnt coming to the "ceremony" section of our wedding.

We are both so upset.

Its our day, we dont get why we are being treates like this.

Ive now contacted the welfare team for the councel explaining the urgency to get our own house as i fear that if im kept in this situation i will try to end my life again. They are just seeing what they can do to help and then will get back to us.

In good news though, ive now completed hat number 150 so another box is complete and ready to send.

TTFN

XXXX

Frown Isnt Upside Down!!

Ok so im still strunning to see light at the end of the tunnel.

Everytime i think something fantastic is happening, I get knocked back down!!

I had the doc ring me up on Thursday because it seems we are having the same battle as last time for keeping my aminophylline levels up so i am now on 600mg a day to see if that does the trick.

Today my other halfs sister arrived back in the UK after a week abroad on holiday...next thing we know weve got a text stating they have our invitation and she then starts getting nasty that weve not invited them to the ceremony. 10 minutes later i get a facebook message from her girlfriend saying shes not coming to the meal weve invited to because she cant see the justification in taking time off work to come down for a meal they have to pay for, so i reminded her that there doesnt need to be a justification, we just wanted our family to celebrate our day with us...i guess for some thats a hard concept to grasp!? I wonder if i could tell them that i dont see the justification in doing their wedding photography for their wedding next june!? I wont because im not nasty. I want to be there for their big day even though it means travelling 300miles and 4 hours to get there, then paying out for a hotel and then travelling back...never mind the fact that i am disabled and struggle to drive 20 minutes!!

Anyway, rant over for now.

In other news, im a little concerned about my muscles. To those that dont know, ive been diagnosed with proximal myopathy which basically is a muscle wasting illness from being on long term steroids for my asthma. Its now getting to the point that im struggling to hold my head up, my neck musclsa are really starting to struggle and im having to wrap my V pillow over my shoulders and under my head to support myself. This is the last thing i want. This is another kick in the teeth for being disabled. I know my consultants had warned me but they said years to come like 10 years...not 10 months down the line.

Im currently at mums now though. We needed to get out the house. The stress is getting to much and its making me even more depressed. It also helps mum and my sister out as she was meant to be dog sitting for our mum whilst shes at a friends wedding but with her being 31 weeks pregnant, having a hyper dog running round your feet isnt wise, so weve braught Dixie with us and were looking after the 2 dogs.

Well, im off to sleep now as yesterday anoth migraine set in and its hanging around again.

TTFN

XXXX

Give Or Take

Apologies to all my followers for not blogging last night but as you know my other halfs dad is currently in hospital and as no one else apart from me can drive I have been running around like a headless chicken. As a result, last night I was really poorly and just went to bed. Of course I dont have to do all this running around, but the way I see it is that when im next in hospital they would do the same for me. They would run my other half up and back from the hospital to visit me, they would bring me items I need and they woyld try and keep my spirits up so in my head it means I have to do the same for them. I wish I didnt think like that but I just cant see any other way around things. We think though that her dad may be home later today but annoying I still have to drive the 45 minutes to the hospital and then the 45 minutes home again. I also have to run my other half back to the same hospital tomorrow as she has an appointment and then I have to drive to Taunton on Wednesday which is 2 and a half hours to get there for a hispital appointment for myself. I wish I didnt drive. It hurts me so much. My muscles have gotten weaker and weakers because of the extra strain on them and now I literally feel like shit. I guess these things ha e to happen though. Thats what families do, they come together in times of need. TTFN XXXX

Chirpy, Smiling and Goodness atlast!!

Well, im not going to say everything as im not about to give the whole thing away, just incase it gets out to the wrong people as its all a big secret to EVERONE ha. So...this news thats made my day is that myself and my partner have found a sperm donor, and we are meeting up with them in a few weeks time. Weve been chatting to each other on this special website that links both sides and parties together and last week we exchanged emails and been happily chatting through there also. He seems like a very nice gentleman, and has said that he will sign a contract when we meet to say he signs over all his legal right to myself and my partner which we are also over the moon with. Not only all of the above, but he has said he doesnt want any moey, just travel expenses if he has to come to us at all, but at present, we will be visiting his end of town so no money is needed to go his way. Considering IUI or IVF in a clinic was meant to be around £3000 this is a lot cheaper and aot more comforting being able to do the deed in the comfort of our own home and not in a sterile clinic with every man and his dog exploring your vegetable patch. Fingers crossed, this time next year, myself and my partner will be mummies, and our family will start expanding. Excitment does explain it enough. TTFN XXXX

happiness vs tension

To start things off I am over the moon to tell you all that myself and my lovely lady now officially have the same surname. Some may think this is crazy, but to us its the next best thing to getting married and as we cant afford that yet, this is equally as great and both ends up with the same result. The second best thing about this is that when we eventually start a family, we will all now have the same surname, we will be more like a joint family Excited at last!! Where there us good news though, there is always bad news. My other halfs sister got really horrible about the fact we didnt tell her we were planning on changing our names, she also said it was pathetic that we done it. As well as this, she then started getting pissy about some of the statuses we put on facebook - erm excuse me, but is it not my facebook!? If you dont like it, delete me!! This caused a huge argument within the house and really didnt help situations. In other news, things are still very much the same with regards to the puppies, my girlfriends mum and her general attitude daily. The atmospher as a result is crap, theres no longer nice jolly daily conversations, just constant bitching, jealouse and snappy talking. I hate it, i moved out from my mum because of things like this, I dont need it again. Im just really pleased that it hasnt come between me and my girlfriend as that would be really decestating. Well im off, got an appointment tomorrow at plymouth for my lungs so another busy day!! TTFN XXXX