Muscles

Finally we managed to go out today with our amazing friends to a place called siblyback lake.

It was amazing, the sun was shinning and it wasnt to hot so it wasnt hell to breathe.

Sadly though because life sucks when i got home i couldnt breathe. All i done was walk up the stairs instead of using the stair lift and my sats plummited to 85%. So straight on the nebs i go.

I have then slept all afternoon since.

Once i woke up, my muscles have completly gone. I literally cant sit up. I cant lift my arms at all and im generally feeling like a jellyfish.

I absolutly hate having this disease.

Its utter shit!!

TTFN

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Im Back

Im aware it has been a few days...but Im going to keep it short.

The last few days have been beyond hectic, stressful and just head hurting for me-literally.

On Thursday night, my other half had told me that both our mums were talking about me on my latest admission to hospital. Aparently the nurse who was looking after me, the respiratory consultant and the ITU consultant were all very worried. Not just because i was deteriorating with my asthma attack, but they were worried i wasnt going to be able to keep battleing on because of my muscle wasting. They said that if i were to have many more attacks like this latest one, the liklihood is i wont pull through. I just dont have the muscle strength. With my phosphate also refusing to pick up, it also means that my muscles arnt contracting in the right way so my vital organs just cant get enough oxygen. Along with this, they were worried that mentally i will keep struggling with everything thats going on so they told our mums not to tell me what they have said. My other half just couldnt keep it on on Thursdag night though. It was eating her up. And i dont blame her for telling me.

During the mddle of the night i had yet another full body allergic reaction but we have no idea what to again which is very annoying.

Friday we had to look after our nephew. His mum had an appointment which was going to be roughly an hour long so we took the pleasure in looking after him. He is such a content little boy and i really cant wait to have my own little family.

On saturday, I needed to get out the house. There was far to much negetivity and it was driving me down so we decided to take Dixie to the beach...bad move. We have now worked out that the salt wter makes Dixie violently ill. Shes done i before but it wasnt untill yesterday i actually clicked. By now though we know the drill and managed to get things under control and by today she was back to her usual self again and we even managed to give her one of the liver cakes that i made her. Dont worry, theu are dog friendly!!

Today weve literally hybernated. Ive had a migrane for the last few days and it just wouldnt shift...untill this afternoon. Praise the lord. Whilsy chilling though, in turn i have managed to finish off all the writing in our wedding invites and ive also managed to knit number 69 of the NICU hats. So im super pleased.

Well, im off to bed now. Ive planed a huge suprise for my loverly lady tomorrow and i need to be both physically and mentally strong (especially as i fell over today trying to pick up one of our rabbits)

TTFN

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Nightmare

Where have I been? That is a good question. So far this weekend I have been in bed and in hospital, but suprisingly not for my lungs.

On Friday morning I knealt down to tidy up Dixies toys and the shreaded cardboard. As my knee hit the floor I was in agony...in tears. Something happened to my knee.

I ignored it for 3 days thinking it was following having the dye in my hip on Thursday as the Consultant said it can cause pain in my leg.

Come Sunday I was in even more pain. I couldnt bend my knee without being in complete agony. My knee was giving way, is swollen and my knee cap was moving around more than it should do.

Last night I couldnt take it any longer. I cant do what I originally planned which was wait till Tuesday to go to my GP.

And a good job aswell

I went to hospital and I had an examination and an x-ray and then a senior Consultant came to see me. I knew then that things werent good

It turns out I have torn the ligaments thats around my knee. They also think I have damaged the part of my knee called the maniscus but they cant pull my leg around enough to assess it so I have to go back to hospital in 8 days as they think the swelling should have reduced and the pain would have settled abit. I then find out whether i have to have my leg immobilised or not.

For now though I have been told i cant weight bare on my leg, and i have to rest with good pain releif...so thats why I have been stuck in my bed all weekend.

Great hey

TTFN

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Give Or Take

Apologies to all my followers for not blogging last night but as you know my other halfs dad is currently in hospital and as no one else apart from me can drive I have been running around like a headless chicken. As a result, last night I was really poorly and just went to bed. Of course I dont have to do all this running around, but the way I see it is that when im next in hospital they would do the same for me. They would run my other half up and back from the hospital to visit me, they would bring me items I need and they woyld try and keep my spirits up so in my head it means I have to do the same for them. I wish I didnt think like that but I just cant see any other way around things. We think though that her dad may be home later today but annoying I still have to drive the 45 minutes to the hospital and then the 45 minutes home again. I also have to run my other half back to the same hospital tomorrow as she has an appointment and then I have to drive to Taunton on Wednesday which is 2 and a half hours to get there for a hispital appointment for myself. I wish I didnt drive. It hurts me so much. My muscles have gotten weaker and weakers because of the extra strain on them and now I literally feel like shit. I guess these things ha e to happen though. Thats what families do, they come together in times of need. TTFN XXXX

Flu-Urgh

Things got all to much this morning. I had a rough night and it continued through to this morning. My temperature is still sky high, the pain I have in my joints is ridiculous, ive never experienced anything so bad, my migraine is still here and theres so much more im suffering with. With it not shifting, I wasnt sure of what to do and I was getting worried so mu other half kindly rang the doctor for me. My partner did tell them that I wasnt able to drive because of how poorly I am and how drugged up on morphine I am to try and sort the pain. We had asked for a home visit but the doc who was talking on the phone was an assband said, no we wont get a home visit we either have to pay for a taxi or get a driend. Thankfully my partners dad offered to take me in, but it was really unfair. After being to the doctors, to which my other half had to do every step with me as I still have no coordination and I feel mega week, it turns out I have really bad flu. He said if theres any sign of it moving to my chest I have to be seen immediatly because of the obvious. Ive never had flu before and bloody hell I wouldnt wish it on anyone. The scary thing is ive had the flu jab so xan you imagine how id feel and how much worse id be if I never had the jab!! My other half has continued to be a star though. Really looking after me and literally not leaving my side other than to take the pup for a walk...which she didnt want to do because of leaving me but I guess its only fair!! Well, as its pancake day, and ive not managed to eat anything all day, im having some alpro soya almond milk pancakes bein made for me. I hope the I can both manage to eat them and keep them down. TTFN XXXX

My Lovely Events

Today hasnt been the most of exciting days at all if im honest. Ive had rather a lot of pain and literally just cant get comfy, ive been led down, sat up, walking around and in any other position that is possible to try. My other half has been decorating her many cakes to which is going to finalised into one big cake in the end. Its for our friends naming ceremony in a few weeks time. She is so excited and it looks amazing considering shes never done anything like this at all. Ok shes done many of cakes, but not done anything to this level before. Im so proud of her!! I on the other hand has been reading more photography stuff and hunting for a perfect place for sunday to go take this perfect photo for my next competition. So far. The four ive entered have got me silver awards which I never in a million years thought id achieve. Once all our daily hobbies were done, we took our puppy to the field which is literally a house away. She absolutly loved it and couldnt get enough of it, and luckily for us, shes slept since shes got back. I on the other hand is in more pain than before. Because of it being soggy grass, I couldnt go in my wheelchair, so went with my crutches, but it still left me off worse, so have been in bed since. Myself and my partner are still continuing our healthy eating diet in the hope to keep loosing more weight. Our meal tonight was blinking scrummy. It was a sausage omelette with pan warmed pepper slices. Was blinking amazing, ive never trialed with so many different food and flavours before and its really getting me stuck in. Fingers crossed for weigh day on monday. In other news, last night at 8pm, I found out that my bank card had been blocked. So I had to ring the bank and was told that because ive changed my last name, I now cant access funds untill I get my new card. That or go to my local branch with photographic ID and draw out cash over the counter thing. They couldnt understand the whole no ID as ive changed my name and that has also been sent away. They also couldnt u derstand that my nearest branch is over 30 miles away and dont have enough petrol to get there and cant get petrol as cant use my card. They have also left us screwed food wise. We were meant to go shopping tomorrow after ive picked up my prescription as we have no food and my drugs run out tomoorow. We now cant do any of that. I really kicked off with the bank and they said id have the manager ring me back within the whole...11 hours later and im still waiting for that phone call. As a result, last night I sent an email to the bank destressing how much I need my money, they responded which is great, but they said, they were putting my complaint through the right team, and not actually dealing with the need of my money by tomorrow, so I replied in a very stern manner. I am awaiting their result. Dont think im going to get money by tomorrow though which really isnt helpful. Well, theres my non exciting day. TTFN XXXX

Pain-Worse Than Ever

Today was they day for the hopefull sorting of the pain in my hip. Waking up at 4am was, well, a massive challenge, but we done it and managed to pull of the drive at exactly 5am as planned. Go timing I say. We arrived at the surgical day unit just in time, managed to just get a seat in the busy waiting area and I was called in. Intially on my own as I hadnt a bloody clue what the heck was going on. I had a HCA start filling out my paperwork, and she got to the pregnancy question. Asked me when my last peroid was to which I told her it was the first week of February. All was dandy, then said, we will have to do a pregnancy test. I said its not possible, im in a gay relationship and im on the pill. She was addiment I needed to do a pregnancy test. I was addiment I wasnt and decided to tell her, if another woman could make me pregnant, we would have the family we are longing for. That was the end of that subject. After, she left the bay so I decided that I was off to get my other half as I couldnt cope with stress or hassel. Once my partner was with me, we carried on filling in more paperwork. She asked my marital status, to which I told her I was cohabiting and this is my partner. She pondered over the question in her head a little, and then I see her writing single. I was even more pissed than before. We continued through the pre op paperwork. Once all this was done and she closed the book, I pointed at the marital status question and said, I told you I was cohabeting. So she asked, well what do you want me to right. I looked at my partner, then looked back at the HCA and said, im in a relationship. The HCA was not happy. I really dont think she likes same sex relationships one bit, and she treated me like a disgusting piece if meat. I was having none of it. Going back to the pre op form, there were other questions like, you can do house hold chores, manage stairs and walk 150 meters ok. She ticked yes for all. Thankfully I saw this again and had to correct her with the fact that actually I can do none of what she said I could. She also said I didnt have aneamia (ill just point out here, she assumed this and I saw the answer again-thankfully) because again I had to correct her that I am aneamic and infact on medication for this. When the theatre staff came to collect me, they asked if they could have some tape to cover up the piercings I couldnt take out. The good old *cough* HCA then decided to chirp up and say "she refused to take out her piercings" thankfully I had a good theatre team, as they arhued with her three times saying, shes not refusing she just cant, and all we are asking for is some tape and all is perfect. It was such hard work. As I was about to leave, my partner gave me a kiss and we said our goodbies...this ticked of the HCA to the limit, she was not impressed that we kissed. Fricking hell I wish I got her name as I would have reported her for being such a bitch about me being gay. After all of the above, we finally managed to get to theatre where I had a good old funny banter with my surgeon and the rest of the theatre staff, which amazingly helped me relax. The procedure hurt like a git, I felt everything and the pain of the fluid going into my hip socket was beyong horrid. Admittedly though, watching my x rays fly up to the screen as the procedure was taking place really was cool, but all in all, id rather not have the procedure done again thanks. I "jumped" onto my wheelchair and we went off to town to meet with my sister to get my birthday present, have a general catch ip, and have a sneaky peek of her ever growing bump. She is huge for 15 weeks. Its mentall. We also managed to get some baby bargains in primark and we also nipped into CEX and got two dvds for my chill out day tomorrow. We managed to get back...just!! I was in agony by the time we got home. Pain reif had worn off and I couldnt take any more as I naughtily had to drive home. I think the driving pushed me over the edge though. Ive bern in bed since I got home, and can barely move, and thats with being dosed up on morphine. Thankfully though, our little puppy (although has aparently been a little shit all day) put a smile straight on my face and gave me beautiful snuggles all evening...and even managed to throw in a few sneaky peak flow tests lol. Ive added a few pictures, im sure you can work out which is which. For now though, im off to get some shut eye in the hope ill blovk out the pain. TTFN XXXX