Wedding

For our special day we sent out the invites last month and asked for replies by 31st july which is today.

All of my family have replies which is lush but sadly only 3 people had replied from my other halfs so we sent out another messagse to people asking what they were doing.

My other halfs sister is still being mega pathetic and has said shes not coming and one of her brothers have said he has issues with how we are doing our special day so hes not coming either.
So out of the 3 siblings my other half has got, none are coming.

I feel gutted for her. Its totally unfair. All her mothers answer to it was, well its not really a wedding is it do you cant expect people to travel all that way for just a meal. Well lets just say i had had enough of their nastiness and i finally snapped explaining that it is a real wedding. We are legaally becoming mrs and mrs. We are devoting our lives to each other. Were just not inviting everyone to that particular part of the day and we dont want a party. Anyone that knows us both will know straight away a party is not us one bit so were not wasting money.

I just wish people, in particular would grow up and respect that this is how we want to get married.

In the end i had had such a shit time of their potty mouth that i walked out and took dixie for a stroll. Supidly though i went out for an hour and 20 minutes and then ate a family pack of chocolate.

To put it plainly i fucking hate them for what they are doing to us and how they are treating us.

TTFN

XXXX

Depression

Yes i know i keep banging on about it, but for me this is my current life. Its not getting an better right now.

My other half is still getting stupid stupid amounts of hell from her parents. To the point of today her mum left the cooking stuff and our bowls on the side for us to wash as she was refusing to do. My other half left 2 bowls as they werent hers and her mum kicks off. We rsponded by saying she shouldnt have been so pathetic in the first place.

I mean come on really!? Somethings in life really arnt worth arguing about but shes making a huge point to make everything an argument.

I really really hope we can move out of this shit enviornment soon as its making me extremly depressed and ive also put on 5lb in 2 weeks because my diet has been crap through my depression.

On a happy note...Dixie is jumping around the bedroom eating moths...

TTFN

XXXX

Not The Best

Yesterday I had an appointment to see a hip surgeon to see whether or not he qas brave enough to operate on my stupid hip. The night before i was shitting my pants as ive stopped breathing on the last 2 surgeries ive had and they struggled to bring me back so i was meantally working out whether this is a wise choice.

My other half didnt come with me as i said there was no point in her not going to her volunteering as i knew what was wrong with my hip so it was just a yes or no to surgery.

Boy was i wrong.

The consultant asked me what I knew about my hip and what i had done so i said i had a plain xray that stated i had deterioration of my femeral hip AKA AVN. I then had a plain MRI that showed nothing more so they gave me a steroid injection into my hip in theatre. This increased my pain so they done an MRI that showed I had a laberal tear in my joint. And then i got told i needed surgery and here we are.

His face dropped...and then i started to worry.

He then said he was sorry but i havnt been told the full degree or extent of my hip. He then went onto inform me that i had an inpingement. I thought thats ok, wheres the worry in that I had one in my shoulder, i still have it as i refused shoulder...i can live with that.

But that wasnt all of it...

He then went onto explain that not only do i have the other 3 problems but i also have backwards hips. In other words, they are facing the wrong way. Erm hello, why is it i am 23 and this has never been picked up on before!?

Thats not all, he then went onto explain that along with the other 4 issues, my femurs are also protruding into my pelvis.

Fuck...i just wanted to cry...but sadly he had more to tell me.

He explained that my AVN is minor at the moment so hes not all that concerned and itll be a while before that needs surgical intervention ...  amazing, finally some good news!!

WRONG!!

As i also need surgery on my backwards facing femur proturding hip. He has orgered an urgebt CT scan to see how much bone is actually in the wrong place. I will then be seeing him in 8 weeks which is September 22nd because depending on how much bone is deformed will decided on how quickly and where i have surgery. He is about 80% sure though that i will needs the specialist surgery which he cant do as its to complex for him and hes never seen it in someone of my age before. So he will be refering me to the specialist. Wait for it...who is in London. I will have to go to the other side of the UK from where i live to have surgery.

But wait, theres still more...he also told me, my left hip is identical to the right hip (which is the painful one) so very soon i will be in extreme pain with that hip too and i will need surgery on this hip also.

im gutted. Not only should this have been picked up on at birth but i will be alone on the day of my surgery unless we cam save up a hell of a lot of money to pay for my other half to be in a hotel the whole time im in hospital.

Im absolutly devested and pissed off all on one.

I dont get why the last hospital i was under didnt tell me that my hips were facing the wrong wag and that my femurs were sat in my pelvis. Why didnt they see this as an urgent thing like this consultant in Cornwall has.

I got told in april that the pain is in my head and that there was nothing wrong...yet actually there is severe problems wrong.

I potentially cant have anyone with me during my surgery. What if this time they cant actually get my breathing going again!?

I cant wait for all this medical shit to leave me alone. I want it all to stop. I dont think i cant cope with much more

TTFN

XXXX

Muscles

Finally we managed to go out today with our amazing friends to a place called siblyback lake.

It was amazing, the sun was shinning and it wasnt to hot so it wasnt hell to breathe.

Sadly though because life sucks when i got home i couldnt breathe. All i done was walk up the stairs instead of using the stair lift and my sats plummited to 85%. So straight on the nebs i go.

I have then slept all afternoon since.

Once i woke up, my muscles have completly gone. I literally cant sit up. I cant lift my arms at all and im generally feeling like a jellyfish.

I absolutly hate having this disease.

Its utter shit!!

TTFN

XXXX

Hiding Away

Ok apologies for not having been here for a while.

On Thursday after my mobily scooter assessment (which was a-maze-ing) i was really poorly. I had yet another migraine plus my belly become extremly swollen and i was in agony. So i curled up in a ball and shut the world out.

Back to my scooter assessment though, weve found the perfect scooter and my other half has been taught how to take it apart and reassemble it. Sadly though its going to cost £1249 so unless i cant get the grants from charities im not going to be having it. It felt so amazing on it. i had freedom. I was my independant self again.

Friday was pretty pants. We were running around, going to doctors, posting parcels and my other half went to the gym. I was shattered and suprise suprise, by the end of the morning i had yet another migraine.

Uve decided that im going to the doctors on monday about my migraines as ive been on my increase tablets for a month now with no such luck so something needs to be done.

All weekend ive basically just chilled. We had a BBQ on friday which was nice thougj even at 6pm the heat was to much so i had to go back to bed and sit infront of the fan.

Today we are off to a place called Sibly back lake with Dixie and we are meeting up with 2 friends and their son. At tue moment it looks nice an overcast so im hoping that i wont get a migraine with sitting in my chair not getting away from the sun.

the stress of my other halfs parents have increased yet again and they were in the middle of slagging me off when they realied i could hear everyword as i was stood outside of the window. I felt gutted. Aparently its all my fault that their daughter is now selfish and never spends anytime with them. Im sorry but monday she volunteers at bernardos. Tuesday she goea to the gym. Wednesday she does to yoga. Thursday she goes to the gym and friday we go swimming. Not forgetting caring for me, baking cakes for her business and also taking Dixie for walks. I feel deflated. I dont know what ive done.

TTFN

XXXX

Busy And Excited All In One

Today has been one of those up and down emotional days

It started off with anger. My partner woke up super early knowing she had an order for a cake. 2 hours after she had been awake and the cake was cooked, the lady who ordered the cake sent a message saying she no longer had the money to pay for it and wondered if she could pay on friday but still have the cake tomorrow. Straight away i said no, it doesnt work like that. Weve taken the decision to not give her the cake. She said she would let us know of she could get the money from someone at 7pm tonight. I have no idea hpw she expected my girlfriend to turn over a peppa pig model cake at 7pm tonight. Crazy springs to mind.

After all that curfuffle, my respiratory consultants secretary got back to me after i left a message yesterday and has made an appointment for me in August to give him my over night sats recornings. I really praying something can be done about them as i woke up again with a huge headache and it puts me in a foul mood.

I then tried to have a snooze this afternoon as i was physically and mentally exhausted and my partners parents decided they would be as loud as possible. Bearing in mind we live in the countryside where theres no traffic or noise, they decided that instead of talking to each other in the garden, they would shout at each other. Pissed me right off as i got no sleep. So not only am i not sleeping on the night time but im being stopped during the day. I wouldnt mind but they knew i was asleep as my partners mum decided she would come in our room and start talking to my partner whilst i was led there with my eyes closed. Actually thinking about it...pissed off doesnt describe in detail enough how i was feeling.

Then ofcourse we had excitment...the pram and car seat we ordered on the weekend arrived. Its so amazing and very well padded for the child. best of all. It didnt have pictures on the side of the boxes so there was no chance any one could see what they were so our worries about the hell we were going to get werent needed yay.

I then on the other hand dropped the bomb shell to my partner for how much money since saturday i spent on baby stuff...and ot came to £159 whoops. Not buying anymore for now then hehe.

TTFN

XXXX

Nothing More To Say

I love my girlfriend so much.

She makes me smile

She makes me laugh

Shes made me the person i am today

Shes the reason i wake up everyday.

Shes my everything

TTFN

XXXX